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having behavior problems with stepson

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2014 at 8:35 AM
  • 11 Replies
Hello my name is Rachel. We live in ohio. We have 4 boys. The older two are my husband's children from a previous relationship of 8 years. His oldest is Nathan and he is 9 he will be 10 in April. Then he has Dillin who is 6 and will be 7 in July. Together we have Ashton who just turned 4 this month and Gage who will be 2 on January 7th. We have been married almost 5 years. We have known each other since high school and reconnected through mutual friends. 
When we got together my husband was fighting for custody of the boys. We won and they live with us full time and see their mom one weekend a month and some holidays. She does not exercise he rights to more time in the summer and rarely comes to see them. 
Today I am coming here because I am have a lot of issues with my husband oldest. They spent 7 days with their mom for Christmas break. Since he has been back he has been so rude! He talks back to me and gives me some down right nasty looks so bad that even other family members have noticed! Yesterday was the worst. He was yelling at me because he saw his half brother throw something and it almost hit his bother. I told him that it was an accident and Ashton was not trying to hit Dillin. He proceeded to yell at me that it it could of hurt Dillin and hit him in the eye or break him... I told him to come into the kitchen and he yelled no I told him again and he said no! I finally had to yell at him to get in there and I took him by the arm and he hit my hand away from him!!! I tried again and he again hit my hand!!! I have never spanked or put a forceful hand on any of our kids!!! So when all that happened I call their Dad and told him everything and just left him in time out for about 10 or so minutes till his dad got home. Later he called his mom and he got on the phone with her and immediately told her that he had gotten in a lot of trouble and told her a comeplety exaggerated story he told her he was in time out so long that his legs were about to break that I grabbed his arm that he was so hungry and I wouldn't feed him... I truly don't understand what is going on here and why when he comes back from being with his mother that he acts like this?! I have raised him since he was 4 and his brother since he was 18 months old! I love and treat them like they are my own.
by on Dec. 31, 2014 at 8:35 AM
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whatIknownow
by on Dec. 31, 2014 at 9:06 AM
4 moms liked this

This sounds like regular kid behavior. Maybe you could read some parenting books, that might help you develop the skills you need to deal with tweens. He's reaching that age where this kind of behavior is typical. Embellishing the story to his mother is also a typical thing for a kid to do. If you have raised him all this time, then you should deal with this regular kid behavior like any other parent.

amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Dec. 31, 2014 at 9:07 AM
2 moms liked this
It's very normal process for kids to have an adjustment period after visits especially after a prolonged visit I would let him have his space for a few days
MrsStevens232
by on Dec. 31, 2014 at 9:22 AM
He is our oldest and we are still learning from him. I am so relieved to hear that this is a typical regular kid behavior! Ahh tween already??! Never thought it started this soon... I was thinking closer to 11!!

Quoting whatIknownow:

This sounds like regular kid behavior. Maybe you could read some parenting books, that might help you develop the skills you need to deal with tweens. He's reaching that age where this kind of behavior is typical. Embellishing the story to his mother is also a typical thing for a kid to do. If you have raised him all this time, then you should deal with this regular kid behavior like any other parent.

ame4c
by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2014 at 9:38 AM
1 mom liked this

 This and you should know that 10 is usually when this stuff starts.  He will start trying to put his dad and mom against each other too and if you guys don't come together to parent him, then the kid will be the one in controll.  I see it all the time. 

Your DH and bio mom should hold meetings every so often to discuss the kids and their behavior so they are on the same page and the kids can't put one parent against the other.  Most of the time, this is not possible and because the parents can't act like adults, the kids are able to manipulate very easily.

Quoting whatIknownow:

This sounds like regular kid behavior. Maybe you could read some parenting books, that might help you develop the skills you need to deal with tweens. He's reaching that age where this kind of behavior is typical. Embellishing the story to his mother is also a typical thing for a kid to do. If you have raised him all this time, then you should deal with this regular kid behavior like any other parent.

 

MrsStevens232
by on Dec. 31, 2014 at 9:50 AM
1 mom liked this
Oh gosh ok thank you so much for the heads up!!! I will for sure talk with my husband and have him talk to their mom about it too!! They don't get along very well but hopefully she can be mature enough to talk about her son!
whatIknownow
by on Dec. 31, 2014 at 11:11 AM
1 mom liked this

It would be in everyone's best interest if they could get along better.

Quoting MrsStevens232: Oh gosh ok thank you so much for the heads up!!! I will for sure talk with my husband and have him talk to their mom about it too!! They don't get along very well but hopefully she can be mature enough to talk about her son!


jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Dec. 31, 2014 at 1:16 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes, this. And you really need a thinker skin to raise tweens and teens. Start developing that now. :)

Quoting whatIknownow:

This sounds like regular kid behavior. Maybe you could read some parenting books, that might help you develop the skills you need to deal with tweens. He's reaching that age where this kind of behavior is typical. Embellishing the story to his mother is also a typical thing for a kid to do. If you have raised him all this time, then you should deal with this regular kid behavior like any other parent.

Polkadotted
by Platinum Member on Dec. 31, 2014 at 4:04 PM
1 mom liked this
This is really the first you have had to deal with behavior like this? You are lucky. Just be consistent and on the same page as dad. Have a discussion and agree on how much attitude is too much. For us it wasn't worth forcing eliminatining all of it. It was better to ignore and it faded. Many thing ignoring worked best---- they hate it. And when the things that they thought would hurt me didn't bother me, that really frustrated them.... It was fun. Thick skin is helpful.
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 31, 2014 at 7:07 PM
1 mom liked this

 i have boys and it is not typical to slap my hand or touch me aggressively, and it si something i WILL NOT tolerate. my ds16 is very large (6"3 and almost 200) he is also a difficult kid. last year, he would crowd my space and stand over me sometimes and i had to put a stop to that shit. i told him i would NOT put up w his size bullying me. he claimed he didnt know he was doing it and is more mindful now.

i would have your husband lay some ground rules w the kid. but in turn you shoudnt grab at him either. if he continues to be unruly, id have dad make other arrangements if hes not there. do you sah? in that case i can see how in your family, you will be left in charge of him but id make sure that DH made it CRYSTAL CLEAR that behavior is unacceptable.

hlmcnally
by on Dec. 31, 2014 at 10:37 PM
1 mom liked this
We are about to go through this same thing ! I think it's hard for any child to have two completely different sets of rules. He is old enough to where he can understand he can get sympathy from one parent or try to pin each parent against each other.
We typically dicipline my fiancés son with corner time or take away his game privileges for a certain amount of time.
I think the most important thing is that the child is able to recognize what they have done that is hurtful and they are able to apologize for it.
I hope this is helpful! Good luck !
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