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Speechless and Frustrated

Posted by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:46 PM
  • 102 Replies

My stepson is 16. And like every other teenager in America he is unappreciative, rude and disrespectful. I understand he's a teenager but this kid is not my child so I dont have the love and patience level I do for my own kids. I need help or prayer or counseling or all 3. 

I thought it was "cute" that my husband was a single father but after we got married I realized it wasn't what I'd signed up for. 

My husband is a good man and a good father. The boy's mother is absent except for his birthday and Christmas. So we bear the load 99% of the time. I have a lot of anxiety about this issue. I even lost sleep the other night. I feel stuck....but not hopeless.


Please don't be arrogant and negative. I need encouragement and uplifting comments only. Thanks.

by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
happywifey08
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:53 PM

He is nearly an adult. Don't try to parent him and try treating him like an adult. No reason why he can't get a part time job and start working towards his future. But what specifically is the issue, because your post is pretty vague and normal teen sounding. 

oldproatthis
by Gold Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:55 PM
1 mom liked this

Ok, you're stepparenting a teen...many here have teen SKs...

a few questions to better help...

How long have you been married?

How long have you been in this boy's life?

How much parenting does your DH do?

What role do you play in SSs life. How active are you in parenting/raising him?

Leigh84
by Gold Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:38 PM
Teens are difficult. How long have you been in his life?

I have a SS16, I've been in his life since he was 4 and I even had to take a step back when he got to the teen years. When he's w/us I let his dad do the parenting b/c like you said, I don't have the same love and patience to deal w/him like I would my own child. I love him, but it's not the same. DH should be doing the parenting anyway.
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:40 PM

 i would make sure dad does the lion's share of the work.

just so you know, cut him a break though. i own one of those (my ds16 is an asshole!) and i know SO gets overwhelmed. but he insists on having his 3 kids over here all.the.time so i dont feel that guilty. lol

lyann76
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:46 PM

I've been married 2 years

I've been in his life about 3 years

My husband is his only parent but I feel he could be stricter

I have taken myself out of the parenting role, the kid doesnt listen to anything I say and his father doesnt enforce it.

Quoting oldproatthis:

Ok, you're stepparenting a teen...many here have teen SKs...

a few questions to better help...

How long have you been married?

How long have you been in this boy's life?

How much parenting does your DH do?

What role do you play in SSs life. How active are you in parenting/raising him?


pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:47 PM

How old are your kids?

lyann76
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:53 PM

I have a 24 y.o from a previous relationship and a 9 month old with my husband

Quoting pdxmum:

How old are your kids?


pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 3:20 PM
3 moms liked this

OK, so you have been through this before and you have a grasp, perhaps just intellectually, that it was different with your own son.  Now you need to truly accept the concept of a biofilter to your very core.

I have DD20 and DD18 plus SS17 and SS16.  The boys annoy the heck out of me in ways I had no idea they could.  And really they are no different in their level of annoyance than my DDs are/were.  But it is very different.  They are different.  I did not raise these boys.  In a very basic way, I don't know and understand them the same way I know and understand my DDs.  So I need to check my annoyance and my reactions and simply let DH parent them.  And the bonus of that is I just get to enjoy the good parts of them.  They can be delightful young men and really fun to be with.  I'm not their mom or parent so I don't need to be the one responsible for or worrying about helping them through the difficult teen transition.  I mean I do worry and help, but not as primary.  So therefore I can let go of the level of frustration I might feel if I was primary.

You are too old to be thinking it is "cute" that he is a dad to a teenage boy.  He is a dad to his son and to the child you share.  And it doesn't sound like his son is going anywhere.  I think you either need to really grok that his son is just a normal teenage boy and you are the problem with your lack of realistic thinking about him or you consider leaving.  This is a tough time for teens and the last think you want to do is be a reason for him to resent and reject his father.  The man you love loves this boy.  As much as if not more than the child you share.  Can you love your husband enough to find the space you need to just let the teen be?

WickedPissah
by 2Sexy4MyStoma on Jan. 6, 2015 at 3:25 PM
Sounds like its been your dh and his kid for awhile.
Kid doesn't want to share. He might be a bit jealous cause his younger Sib has a mom and a dad, something it sounds like he never had.

I'd back down.
lyann76
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 3:36 PM

I guess the problem is there is a person in my house who disregards anything I have to say and I also have a problem with my husband who doesnt really do anything about it. I may say something to him and he may say something to his kid but the kid just rolls his eyes and nothing gets resolved. It gives me anxiety. 

Quoting happywifey08:

He is nearly an adult. Don't try to parent him and try treating him like an adult. No reason why he can't get a part time job and start working towards his future. But what specifically is the issue, because your post is pretty vague and normal teen sounding. 


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