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Going to blow!

Posted by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:09 PM
  • 7 Replies

im not bashing bio mom but she is making me crazy! So frustrated .. My DH pays quite a bit in child support and we never complain.. We have them every weekend and one night a week for dinner then in summer we keep them every other week.. Lately bio mom has been bashing us to kids and we used to live about an hour away and we moved closer and now every time they come over she makes them promise not to come live with us.. They are 14 and 9 ..the youngest has started a lot of crying and behavior back talks constantly and wants to go home as soon as he gets here.. im not sure how to handle this ... We have mutual friends and I've been told she doesn't like me... I've never done anything to this woman but love her children... My DH and her were split way before I ever met him.., any suggestions? It makes a very stressful visits when the kids are here...please no bashing I just want to get along for the kids sake and our sanity! 

by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:09 PM
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Replies (1-7):
MySunshine220
by Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:25 PM
2 moms liked this

14 and 9 are hard! The best way to get along with bm, have zero to do with her. If the kids mention something neg that she has said, do very little to acknowledge it. Don't make a big deal about it. Shes not going to like you. DH has sd half the week every week. Half his check is taken. How do you know she makes them promise every time? I have a 14 and 10 year old. They are very good, but also know how to embellish things alittle. Kids learn that real quick when going from house to house. The 9 year old may be going through a phase. When my kids try the whole he said she said stuff I would say oh ok well, what your dad and stepmom say at their own home is not my business, dont tell me anymore ok? They stopped along time ago. Once we had SS then 7 in the car, had just got him from his mom. We passed by fast food resturant, he states hes starving and Mom didnt feed him anything. Come to find out she had just taken him out to eat. He is a very good kid but youd be suprised how quick they learn the whole 2 house thing.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:49 PM

How long have they been divorced?  How long have you been married? Are there other children in the house?


WickedPissah
by 2Sexy4MyStoma on Jan. 6, 2015 at 3:17 PM
1 mom liked this
You don't have to be her friend. Just be polite when you two cross paths.
whatIknownow
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 4:18 PM

How do you know she makes them "promise not to come live with you?" It is up to mom whether they live with you or not, since she has custody. If she doesn't give up custody, they can't go live with you. So that promise is unnecessary.

Plus it seems the younger one doesn't even like being there so it seems really unncessary for her to extract such a promise.

My2his2ours2
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 4:33 PM

They've been divorced 5 years and we have been married 2 1/2 ... 

Quoting pdxmum:

How long have they been divorced?  How long have you been married? Are there other children in the house?



My2his2ours2
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 4:34 PM

The 14 year old tells us and the 9 year old does iThe crying episodes when he is told no to anything.. Or not getting his way.. It just started about 2 months ago up to that point he wasn't that way

Quoting whatIknownow:

How do you know she makes them "promise not to come live with you?" It is up to mom whether they live with you or not, since she has custody. If she doesn't give up custody, they can't go live with you. So that promise is unnecessary.

Plus it seems the younger one doesn't even like being there so it seems really unncessary for her to extract such a promise.


whatIknownow
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 5:17 PM
1 mom liked this

I would assure them both that custody is not changing, so they don't need to worry about living with you. Maybe they are afraid for some reason that custody will change. That would be very unsettling for a child.

I still don't understand the purpose of the mom telling them that. I suspect something is being lost in the translation. Mom and Dad should discuss it, to see what is actually being said.

Quoting My2his2ours2:

The 14 year old tells us and the 9 year old does iThe crying episodes when he is told no to anything.. Or not getting his way.. It just started about 2 months ago up to that point he wasn't that way

Quoting whatIknownow:

How do you know she makes them "promise not to come live with you?" It is up to mom whether they live with you or not, since she has custody. If she doesn't give up custody, they can't go live with you. So that promise is unnecessary.

Plus it seems the younger one doesn't even like being there so it seems really unncessary for her to extract such a promise.



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