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Last Name

Posted by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 10:59 PM
  • 43 Replies
BM and DH were not together when SD was born 5 and a half years ago, and BM gave SD her last name. DH wanted her to have his last name, or at least a hyphenated last name with both of their last names, but BM did not agree to it.

The past several months, SD has been asking a lot about her last name and why it matches her mom, but not her siblings or dad. We have explained to her that that is what her mom chose when she was born because she wanted to share a last name with her. We also explained that just because she has a different last name doesn't make her any less a part of our family.

More recently, SD has been saying that she wants our last name instead and when saying her full name, adds ours onto the end of it.

Obviously, she could choose to change it herself when she is 18, but DH is thinking about approaching BM about the situation.

Has anyone ever dealt with this? Thoughts?
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 10:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:02 PM
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She's 5 1/2. I wouldn't push the issue. I would just continue to tell her she and mommy have the same last name because when she was born mommy and daddy gave her mommy's last name. It's kinda late for BD to press the issue. If he wanted his DD to have a different last name he should have persued the issue long before now.

paulswifey11
by Bronze Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:07 PM
2 moms liked this
Bring it up to her. He could always have it changed via court order.
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packermom4ever
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:07 PM
1 mom liked this

I bet she also wants ice cream for dinner sometimes and to stay up later than her bedtime on occasion. Doesn't mean you let her do it. 

I'm sure she'll be fine with her mom's last name and not dad's and your's. If you have a fairly calm situation that may cause some issues for you guys for now thinking she needs to share your last name because, at 5, she wants to. 

hershey6
by Bronze Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:43 PM
I certainly don't think that it would happen just right away or anything, but if it continues to be something that she feels strongly about, I wonder if that is something she should get a say in at some point.

Quoting packermom4ever:

I bet she also wants ice cream for dinner sometimes and to stay up later than her bedtime on occasion. Doesn't mean you let her do it. 

I'm sure she'll be fine with her mom's last name and not dad's and your's. If you have a fairly calm situation that may cause some issues for you guys for now thinking she needs to share your last name because, at 5, she wants to. 

hershey6
by Bronze Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:45 PM
Yeah... If she continues to feel so strongly about it, we may look into it.

Quoting paulswifey11: Bring it up to her. He could always have it changed via court order.
DDDaysh
by Bronze Member on Jan. 7, 2015 at 12:07 AM
My son threw fits about his name at that age.

He's now 11. He still thinks he wants to change his name at 18, but it's no longer a fit-worthy issue with him.

Honestly, I wouldn't rock the boat over this. It really isn't court-worth-it. Likely it's a phase that will pass. If it doesn't, she can change it later.
cdrainey3
by on Jan. 7, 2015 at 12:28 AM
1 mom liked this
This is what happens when you have a child out side of a marriage. Were they together when she was born? I probably would of done the same as bm.

There's plenty of mothers who remarry or go back to their maiden name after a divorce and don't have the same last name as their kids. Seems like a stupid hill to climb.
amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Jan. 7, 2015 at 6:38 AM
My son has the same last name as me. And my dd has her fathers last name. She still calls her self 'first name, last name, middle name' and will fight you if you try to tell her her middle name is not her last name. It's a faze she'll get over it as long as both mom and dad show her her last name is ok and don't try to make it a bigger deal than it is
kellynh
by Kelly on Jan. 7, 2015 at 7:19 AM
1 mom liked this

If your DH wants to start a war, then by all means bring it up to BM. 

soonergirl980
by Platinum Member on Jan. 7, 2015 at 7:22 AM

we she turns 18 she should have a say. If it's an issue for DH maybe he could bring up to mom about getting it hyphentated or added as a middle name like first name middle name dh lastname-her last name or first name middle name dh last name her last name.

Quoting hershey6: I certainly don't think that it would happen just right away or anything, but if it continues to be something that she feels strongly about, I wonder if that is something she should get a say in at some point.
Quoting packermom4ever:

I bet she also wants ice cream for dinner sometimes and to stay up later than her bedtime on occasion. Doesn't mean you let her do it. 

I'm sure she'll be fine with her mom's last name and not dad's and your's. If you have a fairly calm situation that may cause some issues for you guys for now thinking she needs to share your last name because, at 5, she wants to. 


***Briterican***


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