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Tied the knot! Honeymoon for 2nd marriage...

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2015 at 5:24 PM
  • 16 Replies

We got married over the holidays. DH and I have been together for about 2 years. He has 4 kiddos with his ex (2 at home, 2 in college). Things can be challenging, but are mostly ok.

DH and I are talking about taking a honeymoon trip in the fall - probably a week in Italy. We haven't gone on any big trips other than this and probably won't again for quite some time. I am so excited to have this one opportunity to have a vacation (seriously this will be my first real vacation in my adult life) with my new husband - typically we just do weekend trips with the kids. But, I am so worried about all the comments we are going to get from the kids and the ex. Because we are now married, trying to pay for kids in college and paying off credit cards, we have a budget that does not include kids getting absolutely everything they want as they have in the past. 

How do you find peace and shrug off the commentary about these kinds of things? I know that as we start to tell the kids "no, that is not in the budget" they will say "but you're going on vacation!". And then we will hear about it from their mama.

by on Jan. 14, 2015 at 5:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kaseykaye
by Member on Jan. 14, 2015 at 5:31 PM
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Well good thing is BM doesn't have the ability to dictate your life with your husband. She vacated the right to have a say so in finances pertaining to how they are spent, not including CS, when there was no longer a relationship.

Maybe start practicing in one ear and the other. Besides they're grown children, for the most part,right?
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Jan. 14, 2015 at 5:31 PM
1 mom liked this

they'll get over it.

It took DH's ex 3 YEARS to save up money to take her kids to Disney World-her boyfriend paid for himself and his 2 kids.

The kids would say they want this or that (we're talking out of state weekend trips) and the parents would say no-we don't have the money for that-"Oh BUT YOU HAD THE MONEY TO DO DISNEY!"

As far as the kids go-your finances are not their concern-same with BM.

As long as the bills are paid-there's food and clothes provided for the kids-nothing else should matter.

You're an adult-you don't answer to any child.

Nor should your husband have to answer to his ex.

DDDaysh
by Bronze Member on Jan. 14, 2015 at 5:32 PM
It's a matter of priorities with him. It sort of depends on what these things he's cutting for the kids are, but most adults manage to say no to their children, even when having a few adult indulgences.

However, if he is cutting things for the kids that he had previously agreed to pay for, or paid for for the older siblings, that's a much bigger deal. It's very different to say, "no, your not getting a new iPad" or "no, going to the movies isn't in the budget this week" than it is to say, "I know you've been a cheer lesser for years, but I'm no longer going to help pay for it," or, "I know we agreed to get you a car for graduation if you met X,Y,Z expectations, but now I'm going on a honey moon instead."
annezeiler
by on Jan. 14, 2015 at 5:32 PM
1 mom liked this

Good thing you don't answer to the ex OR the kids! 

Ignore any commentary and enjoy your honeymoon!  :)

nfs2014
by Member on Jan. 14, 2015 at 5:38 PM
1 mom liked this

Haha you ladies are great! I agree, I am planning to mostly attempt to ignore it and when appropriate let the kids know that all their needs are being taken care of. I don't know why (or I do because it happens) I am just so worried someone is going to pull something that will make it almost not worth it... though I don't know what could be so bad that a week alone with my honey *anywhere* would be spoiled! So I think we're good.

tiafez
by Platinum Member on Jan. 14, 2015 at 5:47 PM
1 mom liked this

don't tell them ahead of time. it's not their bee's wax. 

pepper504
by Platinum Member on Jan. 14, 2015 at 5:49 PM
1 mom liked this

DH and I go on vacations and it's no one's business where we go, how we spend our money and who pays for what.  As long as bills are paid, does it really matter what you spend YOUR saved money on?

tiafez
by Platinum Member on Jan. 14, 2015 at 5:57 PM

Boobear110
by Audra on Jan. 14, 2015 at 6:49 PM
1 mom liked this

My response would be my vacation is none of your business. As long as they are getting their needs met, who cares. No is no. 

Adults are allowed to go on vacation whenever they want... It's a benefit of being all growed up. 😄

Don't worry about it. Just enjoy planning your trip. 

I want to go to Italy for our honeymoon to. We'd have to get married first , lol 

Quoting nfs2014:

Haha you ladies are great! I agree, I am planning to mostly attempt to ignore it and when appropriate let the kids know that all their needs are being taken care of. I don't know why (or I do because it happens) I am just so worried someone is going to pull something that will make it almost not worth it... though I don't know what could be so bad that a week alone with my honey *anywhere* would be spoiled! So I think we're good.


nfs2014
by Member on Jan. 14, 2015 at 6:59 PM
Thank you!

My first husband told me he'd take me to italy. That didn't happen. If this one can make it happen more quickly than I had hoped I'll be thrilled!

Good luck to you with getting married... we were together 2 years and I was starting to go a little crazy.

Quoting Boobear110:

My response would be my vacation is none of your business. As long as they are getting their needs met, who cares. No is no. 

Adults are allowed to go on vacation whenever they want... It's a benefit of being all growed up. 😄

Don't worry about it. Just enjoy planning your trip. 

I want to go to Italy for our honeymoon to. We'd have to get married first , lol 

Quoting nfs2014:

Haha you ladies are great! I agree, I am planning to mostly attempt to ignore it and when appropriate let the kids know that all their needs are being taken care of. I don't know why (or I do because it happens) I am just so worried someone is going to pull something that will make it almost not worth it... though I don't know what could be so bad that a week alone with my honey *anywhere* would be spoiled! So I think we're good.

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