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Dad vs. Stepdaughter

Posted by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 1:11 PM
  • 25 Replies
I became a stepmom back in 2003 and it's been going good til the SDaughter came into seldom contact with her bm. I took her in as one of my own due to her bm turning her down on visits. I have been with her father for almost 10 years (not married). Almost every fight her father and I have is about her and how she says im "bossy" or in her words how big of a step monster (bit**) I am. I of course confront him about it and pretty much get the same answers. Should I back off completely or not? I've tried backing off but her father let's her get away with it or tells her to not worry she's on her rag. Wth? HELP HELP HELP
by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 1:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
happywifey08
by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 1:19 PM

If he is telling you to back off, back off. She is his responsibility, not yours. 

MastersonQueen
by Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 1:19 PM

 Disengage. It is sad and frustrating to watch and I can only pray this isn't the dynamic when my SD is older. If it is to the point you don't want to be in the home when she is there, then dad may need to start spending time with her elsewhere? The less invested you are, the less you have to feel the emotional roller coaster of being a SM. Good luck!

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 1:22 PM
1 mom liked this

 stop doing for her, make her dad deal w it. doesnt do her work? not your problem. doesnt clean her room? shut the door. leaves a mess? tell her dad either HE makes her clean it, or he cleans it himself.

the nice part of stepkids is you dont have to do for them like your own. if you are cooking dinner anyways of course cook for her but picking her up, shuttling her around? nope not your job.

buttercup627
by Silver Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 1:23 PM
I would let dad deal with it.

Does he tell her that you're "on the rag"? As in belittling your issues dealing with sd because of hormones? Personally I would be pissed if anyone made a remark like that to a child, it's very disrespectful
smof12000
by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 1:26 PM
That was my next question about taking her places etc. It's just so hard to not interven when we have a 11 year old boy that gets treated differently. She does something she gets praised, he does something he gets into trouble
smof12000
by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 1:28 PM
He always says it outloud. So now when the time comes to confront her when she's done something wrong that's the reply I get from her!
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 1:30 PM

 is it his kid? if not, id tell him to back off.

Quoting smof12000: That was my next question about taking her places etc. It's just so hard to not interven when we have a 11 year old boy that gets treated differently. She does something she gets praised, he does something he gets into trouble

 

 
        
         

smof12000
by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 1:32 PM
It is his daughter
SnapIt
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 1:35 PM
1 mom liked this
I personally think all 3 of you should sit down face to face and have a talk

Nothing is ever solved if its swept inder a rug.
You back off and it could send a measage to her that she won.
She will learn her next move of getting you out completely.

He needs to not only back you up, but to understand her as well. Why is she acting this way? What did you do to for her dislike you the way she does? What solution can you come to?
He needs to hear you both out.
AKMomma79
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 1:43 PM
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I wouldn't stay with someone that belittled me or my issues with his child by saying "don't worry about it, she's on the rag" OH HELL NO!!! I'd be packing my bags and leaving, there'd be no way I'd stick around for that bullshit!

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