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Where to hide when living with other people's kids

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 2:24 PM
  • 23 Replies

I'm basically curious about something. I read a lot about disengaging & I must admit to following through in some ways & trying to excuse myself from the heated things that put a strain on my marrige especially since skids are older now. Basically they need a heck of a lot more Disapline & following through on punishments etc but neither DH or BM follows through on a regular basis. Letting go a little feels good however I am always reading about SMs who stay in their rooms,go out etc when skids visit. Or SMs who only have skids around when their DHs are around....what would you or do you do if skids live with you? I find myself avoiding the conflict every chance I get. My DH has crazy hrs & I am a SAHM to my baby. So I have no problem doing my share ie cooking if need be, laundry picking kids up. However I always see things that drive me nuts so I do my chores & then retire to my room with baby. If DH is home with skids I try to find excuses to leave home, stay behind or keep busy but being they only go to BM eow feels like hiding out a lot. Guess its better than arguing & school is great but the Wonder if you ladies did other things or if you only say it because skids don't spend much time at your homes. If that is the case & it changed what would you do? Obviously if you get along great with skids & DH backs you it is easier but I mean the skids you struggle to be around & the dad who loves them but isn't consistant...I know I am not alone...lol

by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 2:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 4:45 PM
4 moms liked this

If Dad isn't backing you then you need to re-evaluate the relationship, teenagers can go through some crazy phases but their parent in the home needs to be managing it. I couldn't live in my home like that, I need to be comfortable in my home.

Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

Pero4
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 5:03 PM
3 moms liked this

The laundry room? Most teenagers are very unlikely to go there!

pusheen-kitty
by Battler on Jan. 31, 2015 at 5:12 PM
1 mom liked this
This is why we got a bigger house- in the case the kids live here at some point.

If they lived with me full time hiding would be ridiculous. Even with the extra space, they would find me, lol.
Mickaleen
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 5:31 PM

 

LMAO All 5 of us living in a 2 1/2 bedroom 3 floor walk up appt. I volunteer to do laundry & bring baby & dog with me...we are quite a sight

Quoting Pero4:

The laundry room? Most teenagers are very unlikely to go there!

 

runinpinkshoes
by Gold Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 8:51 PM
Oh God, I don't know what I'd do if DH's kids were here full time, eek! 😳 I probably would spend more time in my room, lol.

But I'd say for you, since the issue is the step kids needing discipline that BM and DH aren't giving, just say "who cares?", let it roll off your back, and still stay in the main rooms. And of course it's okay to retreat when you just need quiet time.
luckystars2012
by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 9:20 PM

That wouldnt happen in my house.

If the sitch was so high conflict that I felt uncomfortable around SS, DH would have been taking his visits elsewhere.  Im not going o hide or be run out of my own home. 

stepdiva
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 10:05 PM
1 mom liked this
I did the room hiding. I cooked dinner and cleaned the kitchen then I went upstairs. I also had to be at work by 6 am so that was a good excuse for me to get ready for bed. Ss was here 24/7 then and he was a pain in the ass. Spoiled rotten with no accountability., both skids were. I never watched much tv until I married Dh. I gave them all their space. :)
Kayjacemom
by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 11:04 PM
I hide and I leave and I make DH take them to go do stuff. They tend to trash my house though and DH lets them if I'm not around. I usually hang out with my 3 year old and leave
USBrit
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 11:20 PM
2 moms liked this

 Thank goodness that my steps were all adults when we married. The youngest lived with us for a while, while going to college...it was overwhelming and she finally moved in with her boyfriend. I do excuse myself when things get strained when they visit now, but if they lived with us....I am pretty sure that our marriage would have not survived. Unfortunately, they were very tough on me at all times when they didn't live with us and so I couldn't imagine if they lived in the same home that I would have been able to tolerate it for very long. Hiding out in my own home would have never worked long term. Blessings to you and hope that you find peace and balance while you work through things.

copasetic1
by on Feb. 1, 2015 at 11:42 PM

 One thing no one ever seems to think about when there is conflict, and the SO doesn't back them up - what if YOU are wrong? Should he still back you up?

Not saying that YOU are wrong, OP. It just occurred to me.

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