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money fairness among siblings

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 9:15 PM
  • 57 Replies
So the cell phone for SD is 500 a yr. Which dh is totally fine with bc SD is a good student, etc. But I said I was going to buy Xbox live for our son for a yr and dh threw a fit bc our son didn't earn it. He gets good grades like SD. Its on sale for 40 bucks. I don't understand this throw money at one and don't buy anything for the other. Dh says our kids get things SD doesn't, they eat out more often, they have mommy time more often(go out to movies, bowling,etc w me), and they have savings accounts. My reply was SD has a whole other family who should be doing something for her and with her. So she should actually get more than our kids.


Whose in the right here?
by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 9:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 9:49 PM

I won't say either of you is wrong however you are free to buy what you want for your child and so is he. I don't think you need to justify or make things fair for SD, that is Dad's job and it shouldn't matter whether or not her mother's family is doing things for her or not.

newwife1
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 10:00 PM

Life isn't fair.

If your kids are with your husband then all they get is what you two give them. SD SHOULD be getting from her dad and then at her mom's house. So yes, it should be more for SD if you factor in two homes.

My parents are still married, my brother and I did not receive equal. Granted, I was on the better end of the deal being the girl and the oldest lol. I got a new car when I turned 16. When my brother turned 16 our grandpa had just died, my brother got his hand me down car, which actually meant more to him because it was grandpas. My parents paid my car insurance. My brother worked and paid for his insurance because he wanted to, he wanted to be self sufficient at a younger age. I liked to buy clothes and shoes with my part time job money lol.

So, even in still intact homes things won't be even. It's just how it is. However, you should be able to buy your own children whatever you want. I wouldn't put up with that at all.

wise.toes
by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 10:18 PM

life isn't fair.

and if he doesn't have a cell phone why can't he have xbox live? it's considerably less expensive.

weaveress
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 10:25 PM
He has a little tracphone grandma gave him when she upgraded. Its got eighteen months worth of service on it and 1600 minutes. He really doesn't use except to call me at work. So it was totally free. And next yr we'll buy twenty dollar card every three months. I really don't get it. Our son is our more difficult child but all the reasons he listed for SD can be said for our son.

Quoting wise.toes:

life isn't fair.

and if he doesn't have a cell phone why can't he have xbox live? it's considerably less expensive.

USBrit
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 11:27 PM

 I can completely "hear" what you are saying. My stepkids (adults) get from two sets of parents and my children only get from me. (their Dad died). Yes my DH tends to spend more on his kids than I do on mine and  find it totally unfair. I personally think that he is trying to keep up with the ex (she married into big money). I hate that. I just want to get a nice gift for each of our children and could care less who got what from someone else. Could that be going on here....feeling like he has to compete with the ex???

DDDaysh
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 11:44 PM

Neither of you.  A decision like xbox live should be made by both parents. 

If you mean money, I think it's important to keep things as even as possible for all your children.  It doesn't matter what people outside the home are or aren't doing.  Your DH wants to be equal between his kids and that's fine. 

Things aren't going to be equal all the time, not matter what.  So I would never get into counting pennies.  Life just doesn't work that way.  I wouldn't say your son shouldn't get Xbox Live just because he gets to go bowling more often.  I also wouldn't say SD should only get half as much from her father because she has another family.  Both are wrong. 

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 11:54 PM

Seriously?

Drumama
by Member on Feb. 1, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Fair doesn't mean equal
weaveress
by Bronze Member on Feb. 1, 2015 at 12:02 AM
Not competing with the ex. She buys very little. BM is on PA for housing and food. SD get free meals at school. We pay for almost everything for SD. So I don't think competing is it.

Quoting USBrit:

 I can completely "hear" what you are saying. My stepkids (adults) get from two sets of parents and my children only get from me. (their Dad died). Yes my DH tends to spend more on his kids than I do on mine and  find it totally unfair. I personally think that he is trying to keep up with the ex (she married into big money). I hate that. I just want to get a nice gift for each of our children and could care less who got what from someone else. Could that be going on here....feeling like he has to compete with the ex???

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 1, 2015 at 12:02 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't think of SS when I am buying for my children at all, I just do for them and DH does the same for our children. All the children in situation has two parents so they all get from their Mom's side and their Dad's side.

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