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House Divided

Posted by on Feb. 4, 2015 at 4:21 PM
  • 17 Replies

How do you blend the unblendable? What are some of your creative ideas for unity within a blended family? As a stepmom what works for you when trying to keep the peace?

by on Feb. 4, 2015 at 4:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LNLMommy
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 4:30 PM

 what do you mean by unblendable? What are the ages?

Smomjules
by on Feb. 4, 2015 at 4:38 PM

I have a 16 (boy), 13 (boy), 10 (boy), 8 (girl), 3 (boy) all living primarily with me and my husband. The 10 and 8 y.o. are my step kids. 3 y.o. is ours together.

amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 4:42 PM
Why are they unblendable?
LNLMommy
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 4:44 PM

 well, we try to do family activities as much as possible. We've gone to play miniature golf and bowling, etc. Have Movie Nights or really just anything that the kids can do together. My 7 year old DD and my SS (who is also 7) can't stand each other. They fight like crazy and it's hard but I have just accepted that they will probably not get along. I don't force them to interact but they will respect each other no matter what. I think that's the only thing you can do is make sure there is a sense of respect for everyone.

Quoting Smomjules:

I have a 16 (boy), 13 (boy), 10 (boy), 8 (girl), 3 (boy) all living primarily with me and my husband. The 10 and 8 y.o. are my step kids. 3 y.o. is ours together.

 

KWIM
by Silver Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 4:46 PM
3 moms liked this
Do you keep changing your avatar because you think people will not notice you are posting multiple threads?

You have a 3 year old child with this man and you still haven't gotten basic shit straightened out?

Smomjules
by on Feb. 4, 2015 at 4:52 PM
1 mom liked this

@KWIM...I can see how you became a Bronze Member.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 5:34 PM
1 mom liked this

What does a blended family look like to you? How do you think the blended family operates or would want yours to operate? Start from there and perhaps I could comment on whether your expectations are realistic or not.

Smomjules
by on Feb. 4, 2015 at 6:33 PM
I think you just might have posted the most helpful comment yet @leegirl_jm - my own expectations of children are not necessarily unrealistic. I do expect some level of respect from the ones who understand what it means to respect others. But, children do seem to mimic those who have the strongest influence over them. Sadly, when a manipulative and disrespectful party is involved, the likelihood of that type of behavior repeating is quite probable.
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 6:44 PM
How is their Dad's parenting? Is he influential with his children? Ideally, he needs to be the one teaching appropriate values and enforcing discipline in your home with his children, worst case they act the Dad approved way at Dad's house and save the disrespectful behaviour for BM's house.

Are the stepkids normal with their stepsiblings or are they only disrespectful with you? Or is the disrespect given to everyone.


Quoting Smomjules: I think you just might have posted the most helpful comment yet @leegirl_jm - my own expectations of children are not necessarily unrealistic. I do expect some level of respect from the ones who understand what it means to respect others. But, children do seem to mimic those who have the strongest influence over them. Sadly, when a manipulative and disrespectful party is involved, the likelihood of that type of behavior repeating is quite probable.
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2015 at 12:20 PM

So what you are saying is dad is pretty ineffectual since his kids live with him primarily but they are influenced more by BM.  Sorry about that.  That must really suck.

Quoting Smomjules: I think you just might have posted the most helpful comment yet @leegirl_jm - my own expectations of children are not necessarily unrealistic. I do expect some level of respect from the ones who understand what it means to respect others. But, children do seem to mimic those who have the strongest influence over them. Sadly, when a manipulative and disrespectful party is involved, the likelihood of that type of behavior repeating is quite probable.


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