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would like advice from other stepmoms

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2015 at 12:28 PM
  • 16 Replies

should I support my husband and go to court with him while he attempts to get shared custody of his child? He wasn't married to his child's mother and she's upset he's married now and will not let him see child. He ask me to come for support,but I am hesitant. Should I go?  This woman hates my guts!!

by on Feb. 18, 2015 at 12:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
adrianna31
by on Feb. 18, 2015 at 12:29 PM
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Yes. Support him. I have though our situation is different
oldproatthis
by Gold Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 12:32 PM
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I never attended as much as a visit my DH had with his attorney...he wanted his kids, his fight...I wanted him to take himself, his attorney, and his fight seriously...my opinion was, if he needed a cheerleader to fight...he wasn't the father I thought he was...

He called as soon as any meeting was over, so I cheerleaded from across a phone line. but no, it was absolutely his issue to hash out with BM...I wanted to provide NO ammunition of any sort to bite me in the ass later...one of the best moves I have made later.

No party can say I was involved in any way...

kittensmittenz
by Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 12:33 PM
1 mom liked this

DH's lawyer wouldn't let me NOT be there. I would've preferred to stay out of it. Frankly, I think it's pointless for SOs to be involved because obviously, the SO will speak positively for his or her interest. I don't know. If your DH wants you there, support him. If he doesn't care, stay home and eat some chips.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 12:36 PM
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If it makes you that uncomfortable then I wouldn't go.

wise.toes
by on Feb. 18, 2015 at 12:43 PM

unless you need to testify there is no reason you need to go to court.

the judge won't allow you in the room (usually).

i've never had a partner attend court with me. and ex's girlfriend goes, although it's more because she drove him than she wants to be there. 

FrankieR
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 12:54 PM

I have gone but my situation is a bit different. I didn't go in the beginning when they were coming up with the first parenting plan though. I started going when the judge wanted my testimony. 

The judge may not like that and if BM doesn't want you in the courtroom, her attorney can ask you to wait outside. (This recently happened in a friend of mine's situation) 

Eternity807
by Bronze Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 12:55 PM

I went to court with my DH the first time because he asked me to.  After that, I never went again.  He took care of it and told me how it went.  Wasn't my place and wasn't my fight and I much preferred to be working.

Leigh84
by Gold Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 12:56 PM
1 mom liked this
It's probably not necessary for you to go. If it's going to create a problem I wouldn't go.
Agentmom4957
by Bronze Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 1:57 PM

How court works in my state is, first the parents meet the 'referee'. This meeting is private, the only people that can go in the room are attorneys, or called witnesses, unless both parties agree to have a person of support with them. DH has gone multiple times, the only times I went were when I knew that it would be a while and that breaks may be needed. I brought my laptop, waited in the hall, far from where BM would end up after coming out. And was there for him only for support and pep talks. If he wants you there, go for it. BUT- if you feel like this will put too much stress on you, you have every right to stay home. However if it got to the point they were in a court room and in front of a judge, there is no chance I would miss one second to show my support for my husband. 

XXanonymousXX
by Gold Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 2:06 PM
When my DH went through this I attended meetings with his lawyer but I did not attend court. My presence would have motivated BM to fight DH harder, out of spite. To be honest I wanted him to win as quickly as possible, I wasn't about to give BM any incentive to fight.
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