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Posted by on Feb. 23, 2015 at 8:49 AM
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Im new to this group. I have a six yr old SD who has cystic fibrosis. Her father and I have two daughters together, a four and a three week old.

I truly love my sd like she was my own, but there is something so peaceful about the house once she heads back to her moms for a few days. We have 50/50 custody. I grew up as an only child, the sibling cat fights are a whole new psychotic world for me. I feel bad for feeling a sense of relief when she's not here, her health regimine is pretty hefty, and with a newborn and territorial three year old, sometimes I feel like I've lost it completely. 

My three year old has recently started treating my sd like an outsider. She's only ever known her as a sister, but is putting puzzle pieces together now and saying unfiltered things that can be hurtful. Example, "You can't have my mom, you have a mother who comes and picks you up."   Sd handles it well but she gets defensive and tells her how I've been her step mom longer than she's been on earth, then a cat fight will follow and we never seem to get to the root of the issue. Anyone have experience with helping a preschool age kid with understanding and accepting being a blended family? Things have gotten more intense since having the baby last month, they fight over who loves the baby more and if I ask for someone to grab a diaper, it's a war between them. My dd is regressing in some ways, but is crazy about her little sister. I feel like I'm trapped in a circus and so ready for spring!

by on Feb. 23, 2015 at 8:49 AM
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by Silver Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 9:34 AM
Okay first of all I want you to understand that the sense of relief you claim you're getting when SD leaves is pretty normal. I feel this with my biological children if they've been particularly moody towards each other or me. You are getting that relief because you know the fighting will stop at least for a little while.

Now for the actual cause of the fights (or at least the one you speak of) you should step in after your DD says something. You should say something like 'DD that's not very nice to say. Yes I am your mom, but I am also SD's stepmother and I love her very much'. You could also try asking your DD why she says it. It'll be hard for her to explain, but maybe it'll help her. Also her behavior may have a lot to do with the new baby and not as much with your SD, but for whatever reason is putting it one your SD.
by Bronze Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 10:29 AM
I think this is all very normal. She's 3. She's beginning to understand different things about the world, and with a new baby, it's normal for insecurities to surface. Even if she adores the baby, she can still feel like she's got to "protect her spot".

by on Feb. 23, 2015 at 10:42 AM
It's very normal sibling rivalry. When I ask my ds6 and ds3 to do something I have to specifically ask one of them to do it. Because if I say "someone let the dog in" they both go darting for the door and start a fist fight over who's gonna let the damn dog in. If I do say "ds3 go let the dog in" and ds6 says "I will!" I calmly say, "no ds6 I asked ds3 to, I asked you last time." That usually cuts the fighting down pretty well.

As far as trying to figure out the blended thing.. It takes time. One time when ds6 was younger and trying to figure it all out, he told ss this is my mom. Ss just shrugged his shoulders and said I know, my mom isn't here right now. He genuinely didn't care that I was ss mom because he has his own mom that he loves just as much. I wouldn't let them be rude to each other, but I think it's normal conversations between children.

Honestly, all of what you said just sounds like my every day life. The joys of having multiple children and a step kid. Don't feel guilty for being relieved when your sd leaves for the week. Hell I'm relieved when ds6 goes back to school! Lol hang in there, you got a LONG road ahead of you!
by on Feb. 23, 2015 at 11:00 AM

I think many of us get the sigh of relief, big or small, when the skids go back to BMs. Especially when it's more than EOWE.
We have SD EOW. My girls are 6 and 8...she just turned 7. So, we have a 6, 7, and 8 year old running a muck around here...all girls. My SD weeks are filled with dramatics and good times. One minute they are so mad at each other...the next they're laughing and playing like nothing happened. My SD is FULL of energy and loud for a tiny thing (she is smaller than my 6 year old). Just watching her wears me out sometimes lol And my 17 month old has the same energy...and I'm 7 months preggo. Yeah...when she goes back, my girls calm down and I have a little sigh of relief lol But we do miss her when she's gone.

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