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Posted by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 4:06 PM
  • 14 Replies
Hi. I'm a live in girlfriend of a man with 3 kids- 14,13 & 9. As far as the schools are concerned I am their step-mom, and that is how the children refer to me as well. He has full custody & I've lived with them for 1 year and a half, and there father and i have been together for 2 years this month. It all happened faster than it probably should have because in October 2013 tbeir father was in a terrible motorcycle wreck and I moved in to take care of both him and the kids... Lately it has been such a struggle and I've been feeling as though I am at wits end. It's all so much and I find myself feeling resentful about being a taxi, feeling unappreciated, wanting get to cry when they complain about a meal, feeling like I'm terrible at it or even a terrible person because I find myself frustrated so often... I am committed to this family, so I am not interested in leaving, but something has got to give or else I may implode.

Anyway, I was sitting in my car outside of the 9 year old's dance class when I decided I needed to look into a support group of some kind. Glad this is here.
by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 4:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
XXanonymousXX
by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 4:12 PM
1 mom liked this
This isn't so much of a support group as a debate club. Just something to keep in mind as you read responses.

Do you have time for activities of your own, things that you enjoy? I think that's important to have when you're feeling overwhelmed.
Pero4
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 4:12 PM
1 mom liked this

Welcome to the group! May I ask how your SO is doing now? Is he still affected by the accident, to a point where it would prevent him from looking after his children (or at least helping you)?

whatIknownow
by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 4:29 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe let your boyfriend make all the meals?

Kids don't appreciate what their parents or caregivers do. They expect to be taken care of. I think your expectations were set too high.

3killingme
by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 4:37 PM
Thank you for your responses. He is very helpful- he is a hard worker and our relationship is very strong. But he does drop the ball at times and depends on me to pick it up. Perhaps because I often do with grace, but on the inside I'm slowly getting ready to bust. And yes "whatiknownow", perhaps my expectations were too high. I thought the hardest part would be the beginning- hurt boyfriend, 3 kids, horrible BM- but it feels harder now... I know there are other variables, like I'm having a hard time finding work in my field and the lack of financial independence, which is very new for me, makes it exponentially difficult... xxanonymousxx, the lack of financial independence makes it hard to do my own thing.

I just notice my temper is getting shorter with the kids, that it is a constant inner war
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 6:37 PM
You sound like you jumped in too fast playing rescue. You know this is a mistake now right?
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 7:02 PM
Have you found a quiet moment to discuss things with SO?
mrsd2013
by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 7:55 PM
I understand how you feel. As a sm I feel this way sometimes too. Mostly in the beginning. Things are getting better. Sometimes I feel very secure in my role and then sometimes I go back into self doubt.

Do you feel this way all the time or are you just having a bad day/week/time?
tottaxi
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 10:24 PM

I think any mom, stepmom, wife has moments where we feel overworked and under appreciated.  You've got a lot on your plate and these aren't people bound to you through any DNA, so it is going to be even more difficult.

You have a choice to accept the situation or get out.  When you are frustrated as you are now the only thing that can really change is the way you react to it.

One thing you have to understand is that no one is going to take care of you but you.  Take your moments when you can.  Do things that replenish you.  You probably won't get any long period of time, but make the most of little moments.  Like now while you are waiting for DD9.  Put down the phone.  Enjoy the quiet or listen to some music that makes you feel happy or relaxed or whatever you need.  Read a book.  Or learn to meditate and be in the moment.  Take pleasure in little things...savor a hot cup of tea or coffee.  Walk your dog (if you have one).  One thing that I have learned is that when it is time to do dishes EVERYONE disappears, so I take a little longer doing that task and enjoy those moments I have to myself.

Just be present in the moment and go from there.  Everyone has times when they feel on overload.  Finding the balance is the key.

Polkadotted
by Platinum Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 10:27 PM
1 mom liked this

Shoot, I have moved straight to the kids cooking.  10 SD is doing one to two a week now that she plans out and does with minimal help... she no longer complains lol

Quoting whatIknownow:

Maybe let your boyfriend make all the meals?

Kids don't appreciate what their parents or caregivers do. They expect to be taken care of. I think your expectations were set too high.


MamaBear131716
by Crystal on Mar. 4, 2015 at 10:33 PM
Don't do anything you will later resent him for. It only causes a strain on the relationship. Trust me.
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