Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

For those with adult steps...

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 6:17 PM
  • 24 Replies

 So, I have been married 11 years and my adult steps know that my DH and I want separation in our life from ex and ex in-laws. So, this past weeked SS calls and asks if he can stop by our place to pick up something (we weren't home) and oh by the way ex-inlaws will be along. I just wonder when does it ever get to the point that they don't ask such things? I mean they already know the answer before they make the call, so why go there? Is it just to annoy us, or are they really just clueless, even after being repeatedly told. We are building a new home and I just wonder if SS wanted to show it to ex-inlaws. UGGGG!

by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 6:17 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
knoxmomof2
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 6:21 PM
1 mom liked this
SD19.5 seems to know better, but ex always made things difficult for us, so you'd have to be stupid not to know how we felt. We live out of state, so haven't had many situations, but were in town this weekend and DH picked SD up at her Mom's. He said ex came out and talked to my FIL (who rode along with DH), but she seemed to know to leave him alone. Lol..
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 6:26 PM
1 mom liked this
My child step kids know better than that.
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 7:16 PM
2 moms liked this
So your SS wanted to stop by the house to pick something up and he was with his grandparents. And you weren't home.

What is the problem? Were the grandparents going to come into the house also? I mean if skid wanted to facilitate a break in with grandma and grandpa, why would he tell you?

I'm struggling to understand the boundaries and expectations.
happywifey08
by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 8:29 PM
1 mom liked this
As an adult step child I could give a flying f*k what my parents think of each other. They should have used a condom if they had no intention of being in each others lives forever. At least he was polite enough to say something, I doubt he was planning on giving them a tour of your house.
runinpinkshoes
by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 9:24 PM
2 moms liked this
I agree with your first sentence.

But out of common courtesy, I would not show up to either one of my parents' houses with people I knew they weren't comfortable with, no matter who those people were.

Quoting happywifey08: As an adult step child I could give a flying f*k what my parents think of each other. They should have used a condom if they had no intention of being in each others lives forever. At least he was polite enough to say something, I doubt he was planning on giving them a tour of your house.
happywifey08
by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 9:33 PM
If I can avoid it I agree, but I wouldn't go out of my way if it couldn't be avoided for some reason.

Quoting runinpinkshoes: I agree with your first sentence.

But out of common courtesy, I would not show up to either one of my parents' houses with people I knew they weren't comfortable with, no matter who those people were.

Quoting happywifey08: As an adult step child I could give a flying f*k what my parents think of each other. They should have used a condom if they had no intention of being in each others lives forever. At least he was polite enough to say something, I doubt he was planning on giving them a tour of your house.
Seychelles1409
by Gold Member on Mar. 5, 2015 at 12:23 AM
3 moms liked this

He may not have, but I bet anything the grandmother would not have waited on an invitation anyway.   She would have started taking her own tour.   I've had that Ex MIL!!!   BTW....your parents didn't plan on divorcing when they conceived you, but that just because their marriage ended doesn't mean they should have to be forced to be in each others' lives if they don't want to be after their children become adults and no divorced couple should be subjected to EX in-laws if their relationship is bad., 

Quoting happywifey08: As an adult step child I could give a flying f*k what my parents think of each other. They should have used a condom if they had no intention of being in each others lives forever. At least he was polite enough to say something, I doubt he was planning on giving them a tour of your house.


happywifey08
by on Mar. 5, 2015 at 12:43 AM
Well my parents were never married, they were teen parents who obviously didn't think about long term consequences and like i said above i am not going out of my way to make sure they never cross paths. If it happens they can deal with it. Not my job to play peacekeeper.

Quoting Seychelles1409:

He may not have, but I bet anything the grandmother would not have waited on an invitation anyway.   She would have started taking her own tour.   I've had that Ex MIL!!!   BTW....your parents didn't plan on divorcing when they conceived you, but that just because their marriage ended doesn't mean they should have to be forced to be in each others' lives if they don't want to be after their children become adults and no divorced couple should be subjected to EX in-laws if their relationship is bad., 

Quoting happywifey08: As an adult step child I could give a flying f*k what my parents think of each other. They should have used a condom if they had no intention of being in each others lives forever. At least he was polite enough to say something, I doubt he was planning on giving them a tour of your house.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Mar. 5, 2015 at 6:07 AM
I think your adult stepchildren should know and understand your boundaries. You have to state those boundaries to them, change the house entry codes, we have huge outside dogs, and they only know who live at our house so no one can pop by if we aren't there.
cynnie22
by on Mar. 5, 2015 at 6:42 AM
My adult sd's grand parents live 10 minutes from us. get use to them in your life forever. Soon there will be weddings, babies, babies birthdays, and so forth. Make your peace with them so that you continue to get invited to this joyous event.
Just treat them with decency whenever you see them.
I guess a lot of this also depends on what type of relationship you want to have with your step son. If you want to be involved in his life then you're going to have to accept other people that are also involved in his life.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)