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Kiddo and school trouble

Posted by on Mar. 15, 2015 at 11:41 PM
  • 11 Replies

 Ds 9.... almost 10 in a few weeks.... is having trouble in school. I feel so helpless. He had an awful day on Thursday. He got in trouble in the middle of the day because he just decided to "quit doing his work". Just flat out QUIT. The teacher called me and told me he wasn't acting like himself at all. She almost didn't recognize him as a person. The school secretary said the same thing. When he came home he didn't want to talk about it at first. He has been having some behavioal issues lately anyway so I told him he needed to go sit in his room and think about how he handled things at school and how he could learn from it etc. Anyway that turns into a screaming match. Him screaming and going into flat refusal and shutting down and at some point I know I got angry and laid into him for talking to me like trash (this is an extremely rare occurance with his attitude lately). Anyway..... it ended with him in tears screaming no one likes him, and he hates himself. He managed to repeat that at least 5 times. I tried to make him understand that isn't true. He has lots of people that love him, friends included. He has friends over ALL.... THE TIME. Over the last few days it has gotten alot better. He is back to his normal self but I am just....... I don't know. I can't even place what happened Thursday night. He and I have had our fights. Some pretty bad ones. But this was different. I just don't know. I suppose I just needed to get it out without digging it up where he can hear me. I'm just worried. I hope this is just a fluke and that he just had an awful day. I'm trying not to slam him into counseling again. He just graduated out of it last June right before we decided to move. He has been in it off and on since he was 5 over his poc father. I wish he was just little and oblivious to the world again....... no hurt, no hard times, no worries....

Does anyone else have any experience with this?

by on Mar. 15, 2015 at 11:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
donnag013
by Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 11:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Some ideas -

Try to have a conversation with him when he is not in trouble or upset. Open the lines of communication. Don't discount his feelings such as everyone hates him and stuff like that. Just listen, and repeat, like "You feel like noone is on your side" ASK him what he needs.

He may need counseling again, or there may have been something specific that got to him -maybe another student was bragging about HIS father, and he feels sad about that.  It's ahrd to say, but I'd definitely be less confrontational about it, and try to empathize and not fight.

He may know in his heart that others love him, but in the moment, he doesn't. His additional behavioral issues are a signal that something is wrong.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 11:56 PM
Um, moving is big. Put him back in therapy.
Rachael-Dawn
by Bronze Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 12:00 AM

 That's kindave what my first initial thought was but he has been doing great all year up until the last 2 weeks. Probably right though.

Quoting faerie75: Um, moving is big. Put him back in therapy.

 

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 12:06 AM
I moved my son across town to a different school district his 8th grade year. He really started screwing up then. He is now a junior 45 credits behind in continuation.

I have no idea if that would have happened or not, he was never a great scholar. But I wonder.


Quoting Rachael-Dawn:

 That's kindave what my first initial thought was but he has been doing great all year up until the last 2 weeks. Probably right though.


Quoting faerie75: Um, moving is big. Put him back in therapy.

 

Rachael-Dawn
by Bronze Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 12:15 AM

 =/ Z isn't too bad off on his grades. He has 2 C's and the rest are great. It's just his personality that seems off. He just doesn't seem like him at all. I know he has been struggling a great deal with math and has been getting help from the iep teacher some during class as he needs it. He's been going to homework lab more than usual and she called asking if it was alright if he stayed after with a few of the other kids once a week for math tutoring. 4th grade math seems to be the only acedemic issue at the moment.

Quoting faerie75: I moved my son across town to a different school district his 8th grade year. He really started screwing up then. He is now a junior 45 credits behind in continuation. I have no idea if that would have happened or not, he was never a great scholar. But I wonder.
Quoting Rachael-Dawn:

 That's kindave what my first initial thought was but he has been doing great all year up until the last 2 weeks. Probably right though.

Quoting faerie75: Um, moving is big. Put him back in therapy.

 

 

packermom4ever
by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 12:16 AM


Quoting donnag013:

Some ideas -

Try to have a conversation with him when he is not in trouble or upset. Open the lines of communication. Don't discount his feelings such as everyone hates him and stuff like that. Just listen, and repeat, like "You feel like noone is on your side" ASK him what he needs.

As a mom with a kid who does this occasionally when she's had too much and she "blows"... don't do this. The listening part is good, but just do that. Don't ask what he needs, if you just listen it comes out and when they're in that funk they aren't hearing what you say, they just need to be listened to. 

I went through this the past couple of weeks with my oldest. Two of her teachers were concerned because she just shut down. She's an honors student who has never had an issue at school and she was sporting a C in English and a D in Algebra. She didn't want to do her biology. She didn't want to play softball. She wanted to stay in her room, in her bed. Her attitude wasn't normal... it frustrates me when she is like that, but I know it doesn't last forever and she has to be heard.

She had a friend who turned into a bully to her and she was working through that and her issues with her father. She just thought and thought and didn't talk for a couple of months and she blew. She hit rock bottom for her.  Rock bottom was nearly getting kicked out of Algebra for her...

A few days ago after being in her funk for a couple of weeks she is back to her old self. I didn't push her to talk, I didn't ask her what she needed. She talked when she was ready. I made her get out and play ball (she's played for nearly 9 years, I knew there was no way she truly didn't want to, it was her funk talking). 

She worked her butt off and her D turned to a B (one more thing to make up tomorrow and it will be an A)... her C went to a B in English. SHe's working on her biology no problem, she's making double plays in softball... but she had to get it out of her system. 

So, let him talk, you listen. If he asks for your opinion that is when you talk about what he needs, but unsolicited you're liable to get a big old figurative "f you"... and he'll stay shut down... at least if he's anything like my kid.

Rachael-Dawn
by Bronze Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 12:25 AM

 

Quoting packermom4ever:

Quoting donnag013:

Some ideas -

Try to have a conversation with him when he is not in trouble or upset. Open the lines of communication. Don't discount his feelings such as everyone hates him and stuff like that. Just listen, and repeat, like "You feel like noone is on your side" ASK him what he needs.

As a mom with a kid who does this occasionally when she's had too much and she "blows"... don't do this. The listening part is good, but just do that. Don't ask what he needs, if you just listen it comes out and when they're in that funk they aren't hearing what you say, they just need to be listened to. 

I went through this the past couple of weeks with my oldest. Two of her teachers were concerned because she just shut down. She's an honors student who has never had an issue at school and she was sporting a C in English and a D in Algebra. She didn't want to do her biology. She didn't want to play softball. She wanted to stay in her room, in her bed. Her attitude wasn't normal... it frustrates me when she is like that, but I know it doesn't last forever and she has to be heard.

She had a friend who turned into a bully to her and she was working through that and her issues with her father. She just thought and thought and didn't talk for a couple of months and she blew. She hit rock bottom for her.  Rock bottom was nearly getting kicked out of Algebra for her...

A few days ago after being in her funk for a couple of weeks she is back to her old self. I didn't push her to talk, I didn't ask her what she needed. She talked when she was ready. I made her get out and play ball (she's played for nearly 9 years, I knew there was no way she truly didn't want to, it was her funk talking). 

She worked her butt off and her D turned to a B (one more thing to make up tomorrow and it will be an A)... her C went to a B in English. SHe's working on her biology no problem, she's making double plays in softball... but she had to get it out of her system. 

So, let him talk, you listen. If he asks for your opinion that is when you talk about what he needs, but unsolicited you're liable to get a big old figurative "f you"... and he'll stay shut down... at least if he's anything like my kid.

That sounds like exactly what he's been doing. Just depressed seeming almost. Acedemically he is still passing but his math has been a real struggle lately. He's having to put in some over time with it. He has a boy at school (which I had forgotten about until you mentioned it) that has gone from being a friend to bullying everyone around him including my son. I found out this week that this same boy broke into a vehicle this week and stole some drugs and cigarettes and the brother is going through some legal trouble over it. Not sure why the boy isn't involved in the legal trouble but he has been just awful to his friends. He and Z were friends up until the last month or so.

That is pretty much what  I got. When we both cooled off I went into his room and told him that I was sorry for laying into him. I told him no matter what, I love him and there is absolutely nothing he could ever say or do to change that and left it at that. Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it. Now that he is getting older I feel like I am walking around in the dark trying to figure him out.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 12:45 AM

Are you in counseling also?  

Rachael-Dawn
by Bronze Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 12:52 AM

 

Quoting pdxmum:

Are you in counseling also?  

 I went for a little while. While he was in counceling I was meeting with her to learn some interaction exersizes. It helped out quite a bit.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 3:57 AM
1 mom liked this
Well, there you have part of your answer.

This kid is only 10. Wait till he is a fully functioning hormonal teen. You have got to figure out a way not to lose it on him. You have got to get your emotions in check.

Don't take that as he didn't do anything wrong. You have to remain grounded and not flip out in anger and frustration.

Quoting Rachael-Dawn:

 


Quoting pdxmum:

Are you in counseling also?  


 I went for a little while. While he was in counceling I was meeting with her to learn some interaction exersizes. It helped out quite a bit.

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