Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

notifying the other parent of changes

Posted by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 8:07 PM
  • 33 Replies
It is CO that each parent must notify each other of changes of address, phone number and employment within 5 days of such change..
last thing SO was told is bm worked at a funeral home. In October ss told bf that bm got a new job at a construction company. (He was simply expressing happiness because bm was no longer sad at her job) SO has asked bm several times her employment info and she ignores his emails.
2 weeks ago SO let's bm know he would be home and asked to take him during her Monday and Tuesday while she worked. She responded no, that she had already requested that time off work for spring break.
So we pick up ss Wednesday. He shares how awesome it has been that bm doesn't have a job and she is trying to go back to school to be a massage therapist.. SO asked what happened to the construction job, ss said bm hasn't had a job since we went to castles and coasters (over a month ago)

SO and ss went 2 1/2 months with out seeing each other, fyi they are very close. If bm is spending everyday day with ss (including SO days he for fits working out of state) why would you deny the extra 2 days and lie about it?
My SO is furious. I am also not happy.
Just a vent.. but why do some bm's think they do not have to follow a CO?
by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 8:07 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Agentmom4957
by Bronze Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 9:07 PM
2 moms liked this

You will never get a satisfactory answer to your question, lol! BM just started youngest sd in daycare full time- even though she is not working. She's trying to get the tab picked up by the state, and is also planning on taking dh back to court to pay 100% of dayare expenses. Laughable. She thinks that she can double dip- she's not working right now but will email DH in the morning asking him to get the kids from school that same day because she 'has to work'. But she won't say where or give us a schedule so DH can make plans for the week to help her. She doesn't want help, just her way. She just...oh, who knows! Don't waste too much time wondering why! :) As my mom used to say, 'just because'! 

codysara
by Platinum Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 9:12 PM
Too many documented "just because'" can mean a change in custody.. its absolutely ridiculous

Quoting Agentmom4957:

You will never get a satisfactory answer to your question, lol! BM just started youngest sd in daycare full time- even though she is not working. She's trying to get the tab picked up by the state, and is also planning on taking dh back to court to pay 100% of dayare expenses. Laughable. She thinks that she can double dip- she's not working right now but will email DH in the morning asking him to get the kids from school that same day because she 'has to work'. But she won't say where or give us a schedule so DH can make plans for the week to help her. She doesn't want help, just her way. She just...oh, who knows! Don't waste too much time wondering why! :) As my mom used to say, 'just because'! 

jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 9:15 PM

I'm a BM and I couldn't tell you why some think they don't have to follow the CO but expect others to follow it. 

XH and I don't follow most of our CO but, it's mutually decided and beneficial to us not to anymore.  It was made over 10 years ago and most of it doesn't apply to our current situations.  If it wasn't mutually beneficial then we'd have either changed it again or asked a judge to if we couldn't agree ourselves (or mediation first, I suppose).  :) 

The lying really gets to me, XH does it all the time, even over pointless things (the truth would likely paint him in a better light but, he's so used to lying about things, it's as if he isn't capable of telling the truth, gets caught in a lie, and the is 'dumbfounded' when he's not trusted... sigh).  I gave up long ago trying to figure out the WHYS of it, it's just not important anymore.  I simply expect that what I'll hear is a lie and go from there. 

codysara
by Platinum Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 9:21 PM
Me and xh also do not and never have gone by CO, but we are respectful and agree and our children benefit from the changes.
My SO was so excited to get the emails that ss was healthy and not missing school, now he knows that what she says is not always the truth. It is causing him anxiety to be in another state and unable to trust that his sons mother is not trustworthy.

Quoting jules2boys:

I'm a BM and I couldn't tell you why some think they don't have to follow the CO but expect others to follow it. 

XH and I don't follow most of our CO but, it's mutually decided and beneficial to us not to anymore.  It was made over 10 years ago and most of it doesn't apply to our current situations.  If it wasn't mutually beneficial then we'd have either changed it again or asked a judge to if we couldn't agree ourselves (or mediation first, I suppose).  :) 

The lying really gets to me, XH does it all the time, even over pointless things (the truth would likely paint him in a better light but, he's so used to lying about things, it's as if he isn't capable of telling the truth, gets caught in a lie, and the is 'dumbfounded' when he's not trusted... sigh).  I gave up long ago trying to figure out the WHYS of it, it's just not important anymore.  I simply expect that what I'll hear is a lie and go from there. 

mommy2smommy2
by Alex on Mar. 16, 2015 at 9:47 PM

Bm in our situation up and moved without a word :) nothing, just moved.

codysara
by Platinum Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:00 PM
Was it in your CO?

Quoting mommy2smommy2:

Bm in our situation up and moved without a word :) nothing, just moved.

pusheen-kitty
by Battler on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:07 PM
Can DH move closer to his kid?

Quoting codysara: Me and xh also do not and never have gone by CO, but we are respectful and agree and our children benefit from the changes.
My SO was so excited to get the emails that ss was healthy and not missing school, now he knows that what she says is not always the truth. It is causing him anxiety to be in another state and unable to trust that his sons mother is not trustworthy.

Quoting jules2boys:

I'm a BM and I couldn't tell you why some think they don't have to follow the CO but expect others to follow it. 

XH and I don't follow most of our CO but, it's mutually decided and beneficial to us not to anymore.  It was made over 10 years ago and most of it doesn't apply to our current situations.  If it wasn't mutually beneficial then we'd have either changed it again or asked a judge to if we couldn't agree ourselves (or mediation first, I suppose).  :) 

The lying really gets to me, XH does it all the time, even over pointless things (the truth would likely paint him in a better light but, he's so used to lying about things, it's as if he isn't capable of telling the truth, gets caught in a lie, and the is 'dumbfounded' when he's not trusted... sigh).  I gave up long ago trying to figure out the WHYS of it, it's just not important anymore.  I simply expect that what I'll hear is a lie and go from there. 

codysara
by Platinum Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:14 PM
He lives 4 miles away, but due to work he has been out of state..he would rather have a job and pay double cs than collect unemployment. He did this under the assumption his kid was cared for.

Quoting pusheen-kitty: Can DH move closer to his kid?

Quoting codysara: Me and xh also do not and never have gone by CO, but we are respectful and agree and our children benefit from the changes.
My SO was so excited to get the emails that ss was healthy and not missing school, now he knows that what she says is not always the truth. It is causing him anxiety to be in another state and unable to trust that his sons mother is not trustworthy.

Quoting jules2boys:

I'm a BM and I couldn't tell you why some think they don't have to follow the CO but expect others to follow it. 

XH and I don't follow most of our CO but, it's mutually decided and beneficial to us not to anymore.  It was made over 10 years ago and most of it doesn't apply to our current situations.  If it wasn't mutually beneficial then we'd have either changed it again or asked a judge to if we couldn't agree ourselves (or mediation first, I suppose).  :) 

The lying really gets to me, XH does it all the time, even over pointless things (the truth would likely paint him in a better light but, he's so used to lying about things, it's as if he isn't capable of telling the truth, gets caught in a lie, and the is 'dumbfounded' when he's not trusted... sigh).  I gave up long ago trying to figure out the WHYS of it, it's just not important anymore.  I simply expect that what I'll hear is a lie and go from there. 

mommy2smommy2
by Alex on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:14 PM
1 mom liked this

I dont know if it specifically in there, most likely it is...but I do think you should notify the other parent of changes like that. 

Quoting codysara: Was it in your CO?
Quoting mommy2smommy2:

Bm in our situation up and moved without a word :) nothing, just moved.


pusheen-kitty
by Battler on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:18 PM
so how is his kid not being cared for? Maybe BM is not truthful but is the kid in any danger?

Quoting codysara: He lives 4 miles away, but due to work he has been out of state..he would rather have a job and pay double cs than collect unemployment. He did this under the assumption his kid was cared for.

Quoting pusheen-kitty: Can DH move closer to his kid?

Quoting codysara: Me and xh also do not and never have gone by CO, but we are respectful and agree and our children benefit from the changes.
My SO was so excited to get the emails that ss was healthy and not missing school, now he knows that what she says is not always the truth. It is causing him anxiety to be in another state and unable to trust that his sons mother is not trustworthy.

Quoting jules2boys:

I'm a BM and I couldn't tell you why some think they don't have to follow the CO but expect others to follow it. 

XH and I don't follow most of our CO but, it's mutually decided and beneficial to us not to anymore.  It was made over 10 years ago and most of it doesn't apply to our current situations.  If it wasn't mutually beneficial then we'd have either changed it again or asked a judge to if we couldn't agree ourselves (or mediation first, I suppose).  :) 

The lying really gets to me, XH does it all the time, even over pointless things (the truth would likely paint him in a better light but, he's so used to lying about things, it's as if he isn't capable of telling the truth, gets caught in a lie, and the is 'dumbfounded' when he's not trusted... sigh).  I gave up long ago trying to figure out the WHYS of it, it's just not important anymore.  I simply expect that what I'll hear is a lie and go from there. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)