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BM ruined sd's communion and everyone's Easter. :(

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2015 at 8:39 PM
  • 48 Replies

Thursdsay was SD, 6's, first communion at church. SD has been talking for weeks about BM buying her a surprise expensive gown for communion, getting her ready for church, etc. It was supposed to be DH's night (and also weekend) with the kids, but BM took control, snagged the kids from school so he couldn't get the kids. She's been getting increasingly unstable the past couple weeks. 

So, Thursday, we get to church early, DH said that if BM was going to keep the kids from him for 22 days, (against the CO) he was at least going to make sure he could sit with them at church. BM rolls in late, SD is wearing a gawdy ass dress that she wore at Christmas. She has been SO excited about this damn dress so I'm sure she was upset about that. DH goes up to say hi, and she pushes the kids away from him! Won't let him talk to them or sit by them, they looked terrified. SS8, was curled in a ball in the church pew the whole time. Wouldn't even look at me or him. It was so sad...we go to leave and I'm assuming that we will congregate in the lobby so dh can say hi. She had literally pushed the kids out the door, made them run to the van which was parked in front of mine. 

I tell DH that he needs to go make sure his kids are ok because BM was acting like she had completely lost her mind. The side door was open so he goes in to say hi...I wave to them and say hi also. BM starts pulling out of the parking lot with the door open, youngest sd is not buckled yet. She rolls the window down and starts screaming at me at the top of her lungs. 'You fucking bitch, you shouldn't even be here! I wish you would die you fucking cunt. FUCK YOU!!!' (There was a lot more, I was in shock though. I said not one word in response) and screams out of the parking lot, almost hitting me in the process. Squealing tires, kids falling over in the van. It was, oh gosh, so horrible. 

MIL called to tell us that after seeing that incident, she spoke with BM's parents that also witnessed-whom are worried about the kids and her emotional instability. MIL was going to bring two of her grandkids to the hotel Bm's parents paid for for a mini getaway with the kids (which was nice but also scheduled on DH's Easter) and hang out tomorrow and talk to her. I told her she shouldn't because BM won't listen and in her head think she was doing the right thing and only see that MIL was visiting her, thus in her head- everything is great.. I told her DH is going to take her to court and she needs to stop playing BM's games. Everyone has been trying to reason with her for the past two years and it's exhausting and not getting better.

Of course, DH didn't get to see the kids on Easter, his Holiday. This isn't an isolated incident of BM doing this, or causing pronblems in general. We have an appointment with an attorney Tuesday. DH is beside himself but knows that his ex wife is sick, and his kids are suffering so much. He is going to tell the attorney to fight for him and the kids, no matter what. DH currently has Thursdays, and EOWE, EOW in the summer, so it's about40% now.  he is going to go for more time, have his time denied from BM enforced, and request an evaluation be done. And I really do think he will get that, or something close. BM has been institutionalized in the past, and has made recent comments that her meds are being switched around and she's having a hard time. I am beside myself for DH and the kids. But I am so proud of him for standing his ground and making the decision to fight for his parental rights and the well being of his kids. Crossing my fingers that this ends well for everyone and that BM is made to get the help she needs. 

This Easter sucked by the way. 

Yes, this is long, I know. This is pretty much the only place zi have to vent. 

by on Apr. 5, 2015 at 8:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Rachael-Dawn
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 8:43 PM
How awful for those babies =(
Good job not screaming back at her. That is just awful.
runinpinkshoes
by Gold Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 8:48 PM
Oh my god. That is just insane. The yelling profanities is just over the top. I'm so sorry for you, your DH, and the kids.

Is it just the meds issue? I wonder what else happened over the past couple of weeks for her to become so unhinged. You've been around for a while, right?
USBrit
by Silver Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 8:52 PM
6 moms liked this

 If your presence  makes her even more unstable and as you say you really care about the children, wouldn't it be a good idea for you to stay away until things are resolved. I am not blaming you, but Mom is mentally unstable and apparently your presence makes it worse. Why not stay home and let DH deal with it?

Agentmom4957
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 9:08 PM

She's bipolar, and is just really unwell. She will focus and obsess on one person to harness her hate, resentment and anger. It literally consumes her, she can't work, focus on the kids, etc. I think she is just struggling in general- can't hold a job, lives with her parents, whom she doesn't get along with which makes her more unwell. The only thing she can control in her life is the kids, and she feels that she can use them as a way to hurt dh for moving on and being happy. 

We have a pretty comfortable life, bought a new house over the summer, got married, etc. I make really decent money and so does dh. But we WORK. They struggled financially, because she refused to. She spent all their money on bullshit stuff, didn't pay the bills, put their house in foreclosure, spent $1,500 on SD's first birthday party, but didn't pay the electric so people started showing up for the party and the electric got turned off. 

She is just focusing on our hapiness right now which is poutting her in a dangerous downward spiral. I wish that she could be better, sometimes I think in my head if we never got together and found hapiness, the kids would be in a better spot. I know that's not true, but...IDK. 

I've been in the picture for almost 2 years. We've been married 7months. I know, it was quick, but we've known each other since we were little so....

Quoting runinpinkshoes: Oh my god. That is just insane. The yelling profanities is just over the top. I'm so sorry for you, your DH, and the kids. Is it just the meds issue? I wonder what else happened over the past couple of weeks for her to become so unhinged. You've been around for a while, right?


buttercup627
by Silver Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 9:12 PM
2 moms liked this
Eek what a mess :( I'm sorry your dh and s kids missed the holiday but you can still celebrate with them on your next visit. I had to "call the Easter Bunny" and have him drop off the baskets early because SD visited for her spring break the week before Easter. It's the life of blended families that you make it work around the schedule. ALSO 50% off waster eggs and candy so you could make a really awesome experience for them lol

I hope that the kids are safe and that their mom gets threw help she needs
Agentmom4957
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 9:15 PM
1 mom liked this

We have been at events together before and there weren't issues, it's literally just because of how she is doing. If I wasn't there, she would have gone off on DH- when she gets in these episodes, she literally just points and ges nuts on the person at the other end of the finger. But I have thought that in the past, so I asked about it. I asked DH actually that night if I should just stay home. And MIL, she has a lot of experience with BM. I also asked our attorney, and DH has asked his 'co-parenting counselor' that BM and DH used to go to.They both said that I need to continue to go to school, church and sports events to show my support. She is the one that needs to learn to act like a normal person. 

Quoting USBrit:

 If your presence  makes her even more unstable and as you say you really care about the children, wouldn't it be a good idea for you to stay away until things are resolved. I am not blaming you, but Mom is mentally unstable and apparently your presence makes it worse. Why not stay home and let DH deal with it?


runinpinkshoes
by Gold Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 9:18 PM
This is in response to your reply above (just eliminating the quote tree).

She needs to stop comparing her life to your and DH's. There should be no connection or competition there anymore. Someone who cares about her should tell her that its up to HER to create the kind of life she wants. Resenting others for having it will get her nowhere.

My mom still does this with my dad and SM, 30 years after being divorced. I hate that she even views their life as some barometer that she needs to live up to.

ETA: my mom never let it make her crazy though, thankfully!
KaylaBug89
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 9:25 PM
2 moms liked this
Fuck getting more time, he needs to sue for custody, she is obviously completely unstable and a danger to the children. I would have called the police after the church incident.
Agentmom4957
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 9:41 PM

We are definitely considering that, it may come to that. We would have called the police, but it wouldn't have done any good. By the time the police would have gotten there, the kids would have been buckled and she would pretend everything was fine. She has called the police repeatedly on us for no reason in the past. It would just look like childish crap. And BM's parents went back home where they all live together, so they would make sure they were ok I would hope. 

Quoting KaylaBug89: Fuck getting more time, he needs to sue for custody, she is obviously completely unstable and a danger to the children. I would have called the police after the church incident.


Agentmom4957
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 9:46 PM
1 mom liked this

It's really a sad story, anyone that does tell her she needds help or needs to stop and do something, she cuts out of her life. Right now she lives with her parents, who are the only ones left. If they were to say something, she would cut them off, move and the kids would be worse off. 

As for your mom, that sucks. My nana divorced my grandpa 30 soe years ago, and she did that til the day she died. It's no way to live. 

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