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He made her lie again :(

Posted by on Apr. 10, 2015 at 11:01 AM
  • 75 Replies

Some of you may remember my post from 2 weeks ago about EH not following our mediation agreement and me wondering if he is letting his GF stay the night. Well, last night he finally agreed to have a conversation with DD10 and I, which she requested, because she told me she had issues she wanted to speak to both of us about. DD said in front of EH and myself that EH is making her lie about GF not spending the night and that makes her nervous and sad. He got pissed off, tried to contain himself, although you could see that he was about to lash out, and tried to downplay it by saying "well, I just told you to tell mom that GF is not spending the night, because she is not. She leaves after you go to bed and comes back before you wake up". DD replied with "But GF is always here when I go to bed and when I wake up, so I really don't know if she sleeps here or not, and you making me tell mom that she is not makes it feel like a lie." I said that I think EH can make sure that GF is not there when DD goes to bed if that makes DD feel uncomfortable, he agreed, and I told him that we will discuss this further as adults. I cannot believe he is making her lie to me again, knowing full well what happened last time. DD knows that GF is not supposed to have overnights and her father asking her to lie for him is just F****D up... I don't even know what to say or do, I find this to be even worse that what he's done in the past. UGH!

by on Apr. 10, 2015 at 11:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
tiafez
by Platinum Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 11:22 AM
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I don't get it either. Why wouldn't a parent be willing to not do something when their kiddo is there? I don't care if it's a Mom or a Dad, if you need to ask your kiddo to lie about something then you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. It's that frikkin easy. 

I'm feeling your pissed off, lol.

biberonka
by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 11:35 AM

Honestly, I think I'm past the point of being pissed off. I feel bad for my kiddo. I feel terrible that she has to go through this, because her dad cannot keep his pants zipped for 7 days at a time and he expects her to cover for him and acts like he is 15... He keeps putting her in these situations and doesn't care about the damage. I feel powerless to stop him. I fear about the long term effects on DD. I can't help but wonder if she will have insecurities and trust issues because of him...

Quoting tiafez:

I don't get it either. Why wouldn't a parent be willing to not do something when their kiddo is there? I don't care if it's a Mom or a Dad, if you need to ask your kiddo to lie about something then you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. It's that frikkin easy. 

I'm feeling your pissed off, lol.


runinpinkshoes
by Gold Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 11:45 AM
2 moms liked this
"Oh she just leaves after you go to bed and comes back before you wake up" LOL! Right.

That's terrible that he's putting her in the middle and asking her to lie. How selfish.
tottaxi
by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 11:47 AM
2 moms liked this

Obviously, ex is more concerned with having is GF spend the night than he is with DD's feelings OR the court order.  Maybe the solution is no overnights.  Dad can see DD, she can come home to you and dad gets to screw GF all night long.  Everybody would win.

I think it is the most upsetting thing in the world when court orders force people to live unnatural lives.  Why can't your ex just tell the truth and allow you, your dd and him to come up with a solution that works for all involved?

biberonka
by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 11:48 AM

Even DD, at the age of 10, sees through his lies at his point... It's pathetic.

Quoting runinpinkshoes: "Oh she just leaves after you go to bed and comes back before you wake up" LOL! Right. That's terrible that he's putting her in the middle and asking her to lie. How selfish.


biberonka
by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 11:51 AM

I was actually thinking about proposing this, but he probably won't go for it. Him and his GF don't care about COs, mediation agreements or anything for that matter. They only care about themselves.

Quoting tottaxi:

Obviously, ex is more concerned with having is GF spend the night than he is with DD's feelings OR the court order.  Maybe the solution is no overnights.  Dad can see DD, she can come home to you and dad gets to screw GF all night long.  Everybody would win.

I think it is the most upsetting thing in the world when court orders force people to live unnatural lives.  Why can't your ex just tell the truth and allow you, your dd and him to come up with a solution that works for all involved?


bresmommy21
by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 11:53 AM
2 moms liked this

 

Quoting biberonka:

Even DD, at the age of 10, sees through his lies at his point... It's pathetic.

Quoting runinpinkshoes: "Oh she just leaves after you go to bed and comes back before you wake up" LOL! Right. That's terrible that he's putting her in the middle and asking her to lie. How selfish.

 

 This is exactly what I told my husband and others that have a malicious CP. The kids will learn and have their own opinion in time, just hang in there till they do and all the BS will come straight from them.

XXanonymousXX
by Gold Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 11:53 AM
2 moms liked this
First, let me say I think BF is 100% wrong. But her dilemma is being put in a position between both of you. One parent doesn't want her to tell on him, the other wants the information. Therefore she's in a position to either lie to one parent or piss off the other.

If it were me I'd tell DD that she doesn't have to tell me anything, one way or the other. No need to lie. Because, if GF is there past DD's bedtime and there before she wakes up, it really makes me difference where she's sleeping. It's not worth upsetting DD over.
tottaxi
by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 12:02 PM

 Hell.  All he can say is "no".  If he wants to open himself up to contempt charges that's up to him.

I would write a letter to him (since most court orders want people to "communicate" and come up with their own solutions before involving the court) and make that proposal.  State that you are aware that he is violating the court order and that it is upsetting to DD to have this woman spend the night when she knows she isn't supposed to be there.  Then you have informed him of your concern, offered a reasonable solution and if he doesn't either A.  Stop the GF overnights or B.  Take you up on your proposal, then you have no recourse except to file contempt charges against him.

Quoting biberonka:

I was actually thinking about proposing this, but he probably won't go for it. Him and his GF don't care about COs, mediation agreements or anything for that matter. They only care about themselves.

Quoting tottaxi:

Obviously, ex is more concerned with having is GF spend the night than he is with DD's feelings OR the court order.  Maybe the solution is no overnights.  Dad can see DD, she can come home to you and dad gets to screw GF all night long.  Everybody would win.

I think it is the most upsetting thing in the world when court orders force people to live unnatural lives.  Why can't your ex just tell the truth and allow you, your dd and him to come up with a solution that works for all involved?

 

 

biberonka
by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 12:02 PM

I understand what you are saying, and that's what I've been doing for good 5 months now. I should have probably explained that DD said what she said, because it was her dad asking her to not tell me that GF was over there. I don't ask anything about GF, because frankly, I don't want to know. I've told DD the only time I'd like her to speak to me about GF is if she is harassing her again. But you know, when you tell a child "don't tell" it automatically makes them feel that something is wrong. I don't have to ask her anything, she's having anxiety over it, because in the event that I ask, she has to lie. That's what she told EH last night. 

Quoting XXanonymousXX: First, let me say I think BF is 100% wrong. But her dilemma is being put in a position between both of you. One parent doesn't want her to tell on him, the other wants the information. Therefore she's in a position to either lie to one parent or piss off the other. If it were me I'd tell DD that she doesn't have to tell me anything, one way or the other. No need to lie. Because, if GF is there past DD's bedtime and there before she wakes up, it really makes me difference where she's sleeping. It's not worth upsetting DD over.


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