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DH wants me to...

Posted by on Apr. 10, 2015 at 11:50 PM
  • 19 Replies
....write a letter to BMs lawyer stating how involved ive been in ss's life.
A little background. I came into as life when he was 4 months after bm left dh for another man. Ss will be 4 in august. I've cared for him for entire months while bm had a million excuses to not come get him and dh was away for work. I potty trained him, got him off the bottle etc.
Recently (since august) bm has taken ss for the majority of the time and dh has been seeing him on holidays only (not by his choice) now she has a lawyer, wants to settle out of court for her to have ss for the school year every 2nd Xmas and 1 week out of the summer. (We live 4 hours away from her)
The whole ordeal was stressful on me so I've kinda just stepped out of the picture and stopped parenting ss. I say no when asked to watch him, let dh handle the discipline. But now dh wants me to write this letter cause he says he wants the lawyer to see how I am with ss and that I've spent at least equal amounts of time with him as bm. Of course dh wants him for the school year, but he's away A LOT for work, so I'd be the caregiver most of the time, and honestly can't wait for this to finally be settled, and I'd love to have ss here for the school year but I think dh is just a little delusional if he thinks bm is going to agree to me being the primary caregiver. If it went dh's way he would see ss 75 days a year. By would see ss 110 days a year, the rest (180 days) would be spent with me. If dh had him for holidays he'd only see him 30 days a year (due to work)
Ugh I'm rambling. Bottom line is I don't think the letter will do anything. Should I write it?!
by on Apr. 10, 2015 at 11:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Inana
by Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 11:54 PM
3 moms liked this
I wouldn't. It could be used against him in court. He needs to get his own attorney, you can talk to that one. But I'd stay out of it for the most part..
GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 11:55 PM
6 moms liked this
Her lawyer is paid by her, therefor works for her. Her lawyer doesn't care about what you do or have done. Writing a letter to her lawyer is useless.
SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 11:55 PM
1 mom liked this
No. If anything, it will just prove that DH can't be available for his kid.
RonansMommy02
by Member on Apr. 11, 2015 at 12:00 AM
I get what your saying and your right I'm probably not going to write the letter.
It's not that dh can't be available for his kid its just that jobs are super limited where we live so its hard to find something local.
We also can't afford a lawyer so he's basically just going to have to agree to whatever she says anyway
PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Apr. 11, 2015 at 12:20 AM
4 moms liked this
Your DH wants to send evidence to BM's lawyer that he isn't the one that cares for SS?

I would say that's a horrible idea on so many levels.

packermom4ever
by on Apr. 11, 2015 at 12:22 AM
1 mom liked this

He wants you to tell mom's lawyer that you have taken care of his kid with her and will be doing so in the future if he gets more custody? Why doesn't he just tell the lawyer to award mom sole custody with visitation at her discretion while he's at it... he's pretty much saying that it isn't about him or what is best for the kid, just that the kid is in his house.


faerie75
by Ruby Member on Apr. 11, 2015 at 1:14 AM
1 mom liked this
It's not your job to raise him. If mom isn't unfit and dad isn't available he should go w mom.
RonansMommy02
by Member on Apr. 11, 2015 at 6:47 AM
Thanks ladies
ame4c
by Bronze Member on Apr. 11, 2015 at 7:06 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree and If you dont get your own lawyer your DH is going to get screwed. This is his kid. Find a way. If he doesn't fight for his kid then he deserves what he gets.

Quoting faerie75: It's not your job to raise him. If mom isn't unfit and dad isn't available he should go w mom.
Leigh84
by Gold Member on Apr. 11, 2015 at 7:27 AM
Don't do it, it can be used against him if you're the main one taking care of ss and not his dad. If DH won't be there during the week, it's likely that BM will get him most of the school year.
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