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Think I'm done.

Posted by on May. 5, 2015 at 1:51 PM
  • 23 Replies

I think I have just had enough.

So, I wrote about dh buying a car against my wishes. We finally had a day alone and I told him that acting like everything was okay doesn't make everything okay. And he said Yeah I know and just went about his business. So I tried to talk to him about it but he had nothing really to say. He had to leave and when he came back, just kept acting like everything is fine. Acting extra nice, ie unloading the dishwasher, etc. But we haven't spoken to each other in three days. He has not tried to talk to me about it and honestly, I feel like he broke this, he needs to be the one to fix it.

And there are just all of these other little things that I am just sick of. Last week, every meal I placed before him he had a complaint- if I made noodles, he asked why we weren't having rice. Something like that once in a while, okay, whatever- But it was every. single. day. We went out to dinner and I went to the bathroom and he told him to go left and I went right, because another restaurant we go to has the same layout, but has two bathrooms, when I was wrong and came back around he actually got up from the table to laugh and say told ya ha ha.

I feel like there are all of these little daily annoyances that add up, plus bigger concerns that come up every month or so.

The moments of fun, etc just don't add up to the stress I feel the relationship brings me.

And I think the nail in the coffin is I don't feel upset about the idea. Maybe even a little relief. Will I miss some stuff? Yes. But I will gain so much, I think.

I am known by everyone outside of my home as calm, peaceful, etc... but at home and in my relationship I am tense, resentful, etc. I don't like what I have become. And I really can't think of any compelling reason to stay.

I'll miss sd, but I am certain he will give me time with her.

Financially it will be a bit difficult only because my credit is shot due to student loans in default, but I found some places with rooms to rent that don't check credit. I don't need a lot of space.

by on May. 5, 2015 at 1:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Bronze Member on May. 5, 2015 at 2:00 PM

I'm so sorry that you have come to this point, many hugs to you!  If you cant feel the most yourself, the most loved and cherished in your home with your DH then something is obviously wrong.

by Ruby Member on May. 5, 2015 at 2:08 PM

I'm sorry.  Ending relationships is hard.  Usually.

I had a perfect rebound relationship after my 20 year marriage ended in divorce.  I looked at him one day napping on the couch, poked his shoulder and told him we were done.  It was so, so easy.  I needed that.

Not sure how hard this is going to be for you.  It sounds like you have good perspective.

by Silver Member on May. 5, 2015 at 2:23 PM

 I'm so sorry that it's come to this.  Even when you are the one leaving it can be a blow.  I am a firm believer that when a relationship is done, it's almost like a switch has flipped inside of you.  I havn't always recognized that in myself until after something drastic has happened.  But I know that when I do see it, it means I am completely checked out, the time for fixing has passed.  I wish you luck on your next stage of life

by Platinum Member on May. 5, 2015 at 2:26 PM

I'm sorry it has come to this for you but it does sound like it's time, for YOU.  I wish you well, and I do hope DH does let you have some time with SD when you both need it too. 

by on May. 5, 2015 at 2:36 PM
1 mom liked this

I remember being there with the first man I was engaged to.  I loved him and his DD SO much.  Our problems weren't even related to BM - but MIL.  Whenever we fought, no matter how angry I was, I still wanted him.  I wanted him to take me in his arms and hear him tell me he loved me.  He was the one I sought comfort from, even when he was the one I was upset with.

Until one day - his mom had pulled another of her stunts.  We were on our way out of town WITH his DD - and his mom called and said she wanted to take DD to a birthday party that afternoon.  He explained we were headed to the coast  - his mom cried and told him she'd already hired freaking MICKEY MOUSE to come to the party with them, and that is DD was the only other child invited, and now the birthday child (a grandchild of her friend) would have no one.  DF actually turned the damn car around and took DD home.  I was speechless.

We got home, he put his arms around me and said "can we at least take advantage of the time alone?" and for the first time ever, I didn't want him to touch me.  I wasn't even angry.  Like another poster said, it was like the switch had flipped and I was just DONE.  I moved out three weeks later.

by on May. 5, 2015 at 3:09 PM

Sorry to hear that you are going through this.  From what you are posting, sounds like there is no reason to stay, what a complete jerk.  I don't know your history but sound like you don't have any kids.  That is a very good thing.

by on May. 5, 2015 at 3:21 PM

I don't know your story at all but I am sorry you are going through this.

by Silver Member on May. 5, 2015 at 4:50 PM

No- we don't have any kids together.

I think it is a decision I have found difficult, because there aren't MAJOR problems that would make leaving a no brainer and we do at times have fun. I juts feel like more of our time together is unpleasant than pleasant.

I don't hate him, I just don't want every day to be stressful. I don't want to have to keep dealing with his poor judgment/decision making.

by Gold Member on May. 5, 2015 at 5:41 PM

Honey, when one spouse buys something as large as a vehicle without the other spouse's consent, that is a MAJOR problem.  Even if he was sitting pretty on the Forbes 500 list with no need ask permission, it would be a courtesy to tell you in advance that he was looking for a new toy.  For there to be financial struggles and him to act with such utter disregard says a lot.

I understand reaching the end of the rope and just not caring.  Prior to meeting my DH, I was engaged to long time boyfriend from college.  The nail in the coffin was the day I realized he would always do exactly what he wanted, and I had the choice to hang on for the (miserable) ride or get off at the next exit.  Lack of respect kills affection.  Walking away was the most liberating feeling I'd experienced in years.

Quoting oranguglad:

I think it is a decision I have found difficult, because there aren't MAJOR problems that would make leaving a no brainer and we do at times have fun.


by Audra on May. 5, 2015 at 7:09 PM

Good luck . It's always hard to end a relationship . I'm sorry you are going through this. 

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