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Caregivers get so little recognition, or respect VENT

Posted by on May. 5, 2015 at 1:53 PM
  • 17 Replies

I know that I've vented about this in past but here I go again. 

I'm thinking about all of the daily things that we do for our kids.  Cooking, cleaning, clothes washing, driving around, setting up playdates, helping with homework, signing up for activities, etc, etc, etc.  DH went on a business trip 4 days ago and I've been running around doing stuff for all 4 kids. 

And none of this stuff gets remembered or recognized.  My kids BF thinks he is a great dad, and he is, I guess, when he has them, which is EOWE and 1 night a week (and any time he has a 'conflict' they just stay with me).  But, yep, great dad.  The kids think he is great too!

And my SK's have nothing but wonderful things to say about their BM, who sees them 1 week a year, because she is a great mom! 

You never hear of anyone, as a adult, talk about how their mom or dad woke them up every morning and made them breakfast and made sure they had clean clothes and got to school on time. 

OK, vent over. 

CSM to SD15, SS13, DS14, DD11

by on May. 5, 2015 at 1:53 PM
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Wednesday800
by Bronze Member on May. 5, 2015 at 2:04 PM
2 moms liked this

I think this is why as much as Mother's Day can be viewed as a "Hallmark Holiday" I think it's necessary.  Sometimes people do need to be reminded to pause and recognize all of those things we do.  SHOULD it be that way, no, in an ideal world we wouldnt all be running around dealing with the daily grind and we would stop to smell the roses and say thank you for all the things that others do for us.  Reality is though that doesnt happen, so let society take a day to tell us to slow down, smell the roses and say thank you.

AKMomma79
by Bronze Member on May. 5, 2015 at 2:12 PM
1 mom liked this

I can say I was a teen full of attitude, but today, I call and talk to my mom everyday and make sure she knows how much I appreciate all she did do for me when I was growing up. I get my feelings hurt over DD placing her dad on a pedastal and feeling like I'm nothing but a checkbook because dad won't get her whatever, but I know that she will see one day all I did/do for her.

My mom told me yesterday that everyday for her is mother's day because I do call and tell her I love her everyday and tell her how much I appreciate her! As we get older we, or at least me, realize that dad isn't the greatest and that he really wasn't when we were growing up we just wanted so badly for him to be that we idolized him that way. My mother never said a negative word about my father to me, even now as an adult when I would call and complain about him (which I can no longer do since he passed 12 weeks ago), but she still never said anything negative, just that he was my dad and always did the best he could and that he loved me more than anything.

My mom doesn't expect the thanks, but she does appreciate it and I appreciate her so much more now than I ever did as a kid/teen.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on May. 5, 2015 at 2:16 PM
1 mom liked this

I have shared about how my dad was always there for that stuff.  The activities, the "get up at the crack of dawn dad to drive me to the stables" role, the "pick me up at late night rehearsals" dad.

Doesn't make up for the toxic man he really was who I no linger have a relationship with.

My DD18 adores her dad but she is quick to know she can't depend on him for anything.  She adores me and thanks me all the time for getting her up every morning, feeding her something healthy, making the coffee, packing a lunch, picking her up from rehearsals.  She is about to leave for college and we counted how many more Tuesday nights alone we ill have - only 13 counting tonight.

DD21 love and adores me and deep in her heart I know she appreciates everything I do for her but all I have is that trust.  She never says anything.

All I ever hear about BM is that she works a lot.  But I am sure they love and adore her.  I just have no idea.

We don't enter our roles as parents or stepparents looking for gratitude.

jules2boys
by Platinum Member on May. 5, 2015 at 2:21 PM
2 moms liked this

Tell them what you want to hear.  Tell the kids, teach them, to be grateful for the 'every day' things that people (not just you, but others, bus driver, school janitor, teachers, librarian, office workers, grocery store clerk, postal carrier, etc.) do for them.  Yes, for many/most it's their 'job' or 'responsibility' to do the things they do, not just for the kids but 'everyone', but I've taught my boys to be observant and caring towards others (most of the time anyway, it's still a lesson I'm repeating at times too LOL) and grateful for those who do things for them. 

My kid rides with a carpool?  He thanks the driver when he gets in and out of the car.  I am the carpool?  I am thanked when the other kids (and mine) get in and out of the car.  I drive my boys to school every day (4 and nearly 5 miles from home, no bussing here), they tell me thank you every morning (if they don't, they're angry with me, which I 'get', but they do say it later on or apologize for not saying it later on).  They thank every server we have at a restaurant or even a drive through.  I made sure my boys knew who the custodian at their schools are/were, so they could say hello, good morning, and thank you for keeping the campus looking good (even picking up after the grateful and ungrateful kids on campus).  I'm not on campus at the jr. high or HS but the elementary school custodian, I knew his wifes name, and his children's names and what sports they played too.  I got to know everyone, from the ground (groundskeeper) on up (principal), and I made sure the boys saw this too.  I'm not above or below anyone, neither are they.  EVERYONE deserves recognition and thanks when they help keep our lives 'easier'.  :) 

When the boys have 'forgotten' the lessons taught, or don't find them 'important', I've stopped doing some things.  They always had food to eat, but when they can only make themselves a jelly sandwich, vs. the meal they'd normally have, they 'remember' pretty quickly not to take things for granted.  ;)  (they're capable of making things other than a jelly sandwich, but that's all I'd have 'available' for them to have sometimes ;) ). 

Like other things, we have to teach our kids gratitude, and to say thank you.  My boys even thank me for doing their laundry, as I thank them when they do it for me (or taking out the trash, cleaning the living room - even if it's THEIR stuff that's made it messy), etc.  They're not 100% of the time, but I'm not sure I could claim that of myself either.  We're all human (despite what I tell the boys LOL). 

For your SKids, of course their BM is a great mom!  How much can she screw up in just one week a year? 

Your kids BF?  He's not doing the heavy lifting, playing the 'bad guy' all the time, of course he's a 'great dad'.  At least he's showing up. 

Neither of these take away from YOU and all YOU do though.  Tell DH he should be more grateful for all you do for everyone in the home.  Make sure you tell him thank you for all he does too though.  ;)  Then, start saying 'you're welcome' when you do things for the kids.. they'll catch on (or mine did anyway). :) 

faerie75
by Ruby Member on May. 5, 2015 at 2:22 PM
Kids are ingrates. Try not to take it personal.
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on May. 5, 2015 at 3:10 PM

Hmmm...I have heard those things said and I say that about my parents.

Quoting OvrMyHead:

....

You never hear of anyone, as a adult, talk about how their mom or dad woke them up every morning and made them breakfast and made sure they had clean clothes and got to school on time. 

OK, vent over. 

CSM to SD15, SS13, DS14, DD11


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

OvrMyHead
by on May. 5, 2015 at 3:11 PM

I'm glad.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

Hmmm...I have heard those things said and I say that about my parents.

Quoting OvrMyHead:

....

You never hear of anyone, as a adult, talk about how their mom or dad woke them up every morning and made them breakfast and made sure they had clean clothes and got to school on time. 

OK, vent over. 

CSM to SD15, SS13, DS14, DD11


Married, CSM to SD14 & SS12, CBM to DS12 & DD9

soonergirl980
by Platinum Member on May. 5, 2015 at 3:22 PM

I don't know. I guess my kids and DH show their appreciation enough that I don't feel this way. They thank me for every meal and when I drop them off or take them somewhere they say thank you. I believe I have raised polite children in that aspect. They are always appreciative of the things I do for them. I don't really feel like I need that appreciation though especially from my kids it's nice but I don't need it. I feel like if I didn't WANT to do those things I could have chosen to not have kids and then I wouldn't have to do any of those things. I did bring them into the world though so it is my job to do those things until they can do for themselves so I happily do it. The knowing that I am doing my 100% best to be the best mom I can be to the kids I have is the most I need. Appreciation is nice but if I don't get it I'm OK with that because I know it's the life I chose.


Then again my kids are my kids I have no step kids and I am married to their father so there is no competition for me to get the "you are the good parent" appreciation.

***Briterican***


soonergirl980
by Platinum Member on May. 5, 2015 at 3:24 PM

Off topic but awwww that breaks my heart a little for you. I am still a couple years off from the first one leaving and I am NOT ready at all.

Quoting pdxmum:

I have shared about how my dad was always there for that stuff.  The activities, the "get up at the crack of dawn dad to drive me to the stables" role, the "pick me up at late night rehearsals" dad.

Doesn't make up for the toxic man he really was who I no linger have a relationship with.

My DD18 adores her dad but she is quick to know she can't depend on him for anything.  She adores me and thanks me all the time for getting her up every morning, feeding her something healthy, making the coffee, packing a lunch, picking her up from rehearsals.  She is about to leave for college and we counted how many more Tuesday nights alone we ill have - only 13 counting tonight.

DD21 love and adores me and deep in her heart I know she appreciates everything I do for her but all I have is that trust.  She never says anything.

All I ever hear about BM is that she works a lot.  But I am sure they love and adore her.  I just have no idea.

We don't enter our roles as parents or stepparents looking for gratitude.


***Briterican***


FrankieR
by Silver Member on May. 5, 2015 at 3:26 PM
1 mom liked this

 I'm with Leegirl, I've heard and said those things as well.

I've said them to my parents for my own sake. I didn't grow up with them but the people who were there for me know how much they are appreciated. I have heard it from my own kids but not often. I hope to hear it when they are older. I've heard it from my older steps a lot bc their first SM was a complete nightmare to them.

There are a lot of  things we do that seem to go unnoticed or unnapreciated. I have learned to let it go. Hopefully they'll come around as they get older (= HUGS

Quoting OvrMyHead:

I'm glad.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

Hmmm...I have heard those things said and I say that about my parents.

Quoting OvrMyHead:

....

You never hear of anyone, as a adult, talk about how their mom or dad woke them up every morning and made them breakfast and made sure they had clean clothes and got to school on time. 

OK, vent over. 

CSM to SD15, SS13, DS14, DD11

 

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