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SD Problems

Posted by on May. 17, 2015 at 2:20 AM
  • 41 Replies
How do you deal with a SD who feels that her father chose you over her and her brothers per her mother. I'm noticing that she is doing things that are disrespectful, like hanging her mother and fathers wedding picture up in her room. When I tell her that is disrespectful all she says is, it only two pictures. I say it may just be two pictures but they need to come down. Also,at brothers graduation she suggest to dad that they all take a family picture, which I told him that was not expectable, if it was just him and the kids fine but the mother should not be apart of it. Opinion
by on May. 17, 2015 at 2:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
sheramom4
by Silver Member on May. 17, 2015 at 2:35 AM
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Why is it a problem for her to have a picture of her parents in her room? My kids do. At both my house and their father's house. Neither of our spouses take issue. They wouldn't be our spouses if they did. 

We have also taken photos together. We take a separate picture that includes our spouses. 

brieri
by on May. 17, 2015 at 2:35 AM

Tell me what is disrespectful of your sd having her parents wedding picture in her room?  Would that say the same thing by you hanging your parents wedding picture in your room being disrespectful to your daughter.  I thought so.  So, having her parents wedding pictures of her parents in HER room, is her sanctuary, no more than you sharing your husbands room  YOUR sanctuary. 

I think you are being petty at brother's graduation where she suggested her parents be in a picture together.  What is your long term in this relationship with your husband?  Are you going to keep at this same situation when they move out and want both their parents, including you at their house at special gatherings?  When they get married, are you gonna say no, no, no to them having pictures wiith their parents?  possibly you included.? Are you going to say no, no, no, when the SD has a baby of her own and she wants a baby shower and she includes you and her mother?  Again, you are not the children's parents - you are your husband's wife who has children from a previous relationship. 

Get over the jealousy and learn to be the children's mentor and show them some respect to them by allowing them to have what they want in their lives, be it a picture of her parents or some other item given to them by their bio parents as long as it is in their own Room.

sorrynotsorry
by on May. 17, 2015 at 2:38 AM
You don't get to decree that SD can't hang a photo of her parents in HER bedroom. BM, BD and their children are a family unit, whether you like it or not. You don't get to intrude on that.
faerie75
by Ruby Member on May. 17, 2015 at 2:41 AM
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I honestly wouldn't trip off that. I would talk to him about it, tell him how I feel but in my case the way I feel would be to reassure her. Let him fix that.
stepdiva
by Silver Member on May. 17, 2015 at 3:00 AM
Oh I think you are choosing the wrong battles. It is your sd's room and she should' be allowed to hang picture of her parents together. That doesn't change the facts that mom and dad are divorced and you are her dad's wife.
As to the graduation picture, that won't be the last time the kids want a picture of her parents and her. Let it go, it's not disrespectful because its not personal. It's her way of controlling a terrible thing in her life ( the divorce is terrible for her). You accusing her of being disrespectful and telling her that her feelings aren't acceptable will only accelerate her "behaviors". My sd did stuff Ike that and I knew it wasn't personal or even if it was, I considered the source. It's teenage angst. My sd had a picture of her mom and dad and her on her fb profile. ....for a long time and it wasn't up to me to correct it or call her on it. Just my opinion. Good luck. This is more about you than about her having behaviors. I say that with all due respect. B
ame4c
by Bronze Member on May. 17, 2015 at 3:50 AM
Really out of all the battles you could pick, this is the one you pick?

My kids both have pics of me and their dad hanging in their room and I'm sure one or two are from our wedding. Nothing wrong or disrespectful about that. My stepson only has pics of his mother in his room. I find nothing disrespectful about that. It's him mom. I wouldn't care if there were wedding pics of his mom and dad in there.

Let me ask you this. Why are you so insecure that this wedding pic bothers you so much? Are you afraid your x will see it and miss her and then go back to his X?
reynab27
by Member on May. 17, 2015 at 4:15 AM
Sounds petty...its her room. Leave it alone. You don't like it? Stay out of it.
whatIknownow
by on May. 17, 2015 at 7:13 AM

It's not disrespectful for her to hang her mother and father's wedding picture in her room. Why does that bother you? They are HER mother and father, that wedding is part of her history. I think it's wrong of you to make her take it down, I think *that* is actually disrespectful to her. This may be part of the problem, that you don't respect her.

biberonka
by Bronze Member on May. 17, 2015 at 11:24 AM
My dad's wife made my grandma cry, because she has a picture of my mom, dad (her son) and myself in her living room right next to the picture of my aunt (her daughter), uncle cousin. My parents had been divorced for a couple of years, my mom had passed away, and I have been living in the U.S. since 2001. The crazy woman was so insecure that she still thought that my grandma was being disrespectful to her and choosing me and my mother over "my dad's new wife" Sounds ridiculous, right? Don't turn into a bitter person like that, it'll only make your SD alienate you (and her dad if he's being supportive of this nonsense).
Sandiekd21
by on May. 17, 2015 at 11:58 AM

You are wrong.

That is her room. she can hang anything up she wants.

Also, why would you not let them take a family picture at a graduation? The MOTHER brought them into this world with your husband.

You can't just erase her from their lives!

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