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Confused.

Posted by on May. 17, 2015 at 4:49 PM
  • 10 Replies

Things are really not good between BM, DH and SD right now.

So BM has started texting DH about 2 hours before they meet every sunday to fight with him.  Can someone explain why she would do this?  DH is not an argumentative person.  I've seen their interactions and it isn't pretty on her part, unfortunately.  Why would she wait all week/weekend and then text him a few hours before she will see him in person? 

by on May. 17, 2015 at 4:49 PM
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bonusmomoftwo
by Bronze Member on May. 17, 2015 at 4:52 PM
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To throw him off balance and upset the rest of his day. Bm used to do this too.
brieri
by on May. 17, 2015 at 4:57 PM

eh, need some explanitory English here. What's the issue? 

lovemyfriend
by Bronze Member on May. 17, 2015 at 5:03 PM

 It is the same behavior no matter the issue.

Currently, a mix of things.  DH is required to pay 55% of daycare.  BM is supossed to discuss it with him prior, but didn't and is refusing to provide legitimate reciepts with billable hours so DH is asking for that before he gives payment to her.  After a month of that, he decided to go directly to the daycare, pay for a month in advance to catch up on what he owes, and will now pay her directly. 

Most importantly, BM lied about where she lives (again, 5th time) and moved outside of SD's school district (again) and kept her in the other school.  SD hates living at her mom's new boyfriends house and has been begging to live with us for 5 years, but really ramped it up the last few months. 

So BM is pissed that DH was requiring her to provide receipts even though the burden of proof is her responsibility and also not a hard thing to do, and she's also mad that SD is actively begging to live with her dad.  She thinks DH is "brainwashing" SD.  In reality, nothing is said to SD unless she brings it up first.

There's a lot more, it's a mess.  But thats what is causing the current anger today.

Quoting brieri:

eh, need some explanitory English here. What's the issue? 

 

whatIknownow
by on May. 17, 2015 at 5:07 PM
1 mom liked this

how could we possibly explain why she would do this?

Maybe she doesn't want to think about him until the last minute?

brieri
by on May. 17, 2015 at 5:10 PM

Oh, well, I don't know what to say.  Maybe he can take it to court to get it resolved?  Not sure about that stuff anymore.  Not interested in being in a courtroom.  I have better things to do with my money and lots of my time, than sitting myself in a courtroom for five minutes when nothing gets resolved.  Sorry, no help from me.  Best wishes.

Quoting lovemyfriend:

 It is the same behavior no matter the issue.

Currently, a mix of things.  DH is required to pay 55% of daycare.  BM is supossed to discuss it with him prior, but didn't and is refusing to provide legitimate reciepts with billable hours so DH is asking for that before he gives payment to her.  After a month of that, he decided to go directly to the daycare, pay for a month in advance to catch up on what he owes, and will now pay her directly. 

Most importantly, BM lied about where she lives (again, 5th time) and moved outside of SD's school district (again) and kept her in the other school.  SD hates living at her mom's new boyfriends house and has been begging to live with us for 5 years, but really ramped it up the last few months. 

So BM is pissed that DH was requiring her to provide receipts even though the burden of proof is her responsibility and also not a hard thing to do, and she's also mad that SD is actively begging to live with her dad.  She thinks DH is "brainwashing" SD.  In reality, nothing is said to SD unless she brings it up first.

There's a lot more, it's a mess.  But thats what is causing the current anger today.

Quoting brieri:

eh, need some explanitory English here. What's the issue? 

 

 

Agentmom4957
by Bronze Member on May. 17, 2015 at 8:53 PM
1 mom liked this

This used to happen to DH all the time. ALL. THE . TIME. He learned to just ignore it. COmpletely ignore all the bullshit being thrown at him- his failure as a husband, lacking as a father, whatever she was upset about. Actually, it was usually about me. It got to the point where it was literally 50 text messages to him per day. It would start on Friday, and then just consistently build up. 

My advice? If she's that bad, tell him to try only texting. In DH's case, that didn't help much, she would just relentlessly text him. The his attorney told him in front of BM, ONLY emails, so they can be documeted. We are now using them in court. It has helped tremendously. DH has learned that there isn't anything to fight about, she just needs to share her unhapiness and it's not his job anymore. Hios only response if she feels like fighting and it's near drop off time is 'I will have the kids at this time, at this place. Hope you have a better day'. 

Any response other than that, is only fueling her anger and need to respond. 

Atwitsend93
by Member on May. 17, 2015 at 10:41 PM
Keep documenting EVERYTHING. How old is your SD? Is she old enough to testify in court that she would rather live with you guys? If she has a good reason,like she doesn't feel safe with bm's boyfriend or something relevant like that I'd push it more. As far as the pointless bitching? Let me know if you figure out a good way to stop that crap cause bm in our situation is the same way, seems like she only has something to say during dh week with his daughter and it's always negative and hateful crap and she also refused to provide receipts for daycare, medical visits or anything else. Sorry you're dealing with this
6isus
by Gold Member on May. 17, 2015 at 11:55 PM
Only hours before? Lucky you!

BM starts on Monday when they are to come on Friday EOWE. Then spends the next few days after each visit bitching about everything! Mind u... She probes the kids until they tell her what she wants to hear or are in tears saying that's not true. Then.... Puts her spin on it and bashes DH for the few days after the visit. It was a never ending cycle. Amazing how mediation and our relocation to the school district is announced and for the first time in several years, no conflict before visit!
Maybe we should buy lottery tickets! 😀
JustOneAndDone
by on May. 18, 2015 at 12:15 AM
1 mom liked this

Try using ourfamilywizard.com.  It's pure genius.

cdrainey3
by on May. 18, 2015 at 2:21 AM
1 mom liked this
That's funny..

Quoting brieri:

eh, need some explanitory English here. What's the issue? 

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