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Holy crap lets get some positive energy back in here! Share a story....

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2015 at 5:08 PM
  • 11 Replies
lots of the same type negative posts on here the past week. I have been guilty of it before I know.... But it's getting a little out of hand. Newbies, read through some of the posts before creating your own, you will learn some of the valuable information that has already been shared.
For this post, why doesn't everyone share a quick story about something we struggled with as stepmoms initially, and how we turned it around and made a more positive scenario? And.....go!
by on Oct. 8, 2015 at 5:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CampHarris
by Gold Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 5:19 PM
3 moms liked this

Hmmm... 

I had no idea how to be a SM, what my boundaries should be, or how to handle my frustrations.

Then I found SMC and silently lurked in the background for a long, long time.  I read every post you guys made, and sucked in as much pertinent advice as I could.  I learned to kick BM out of my headspace, to just chillax and let DF handle his kids and me handle mine, and to not take life so fucking seriously.  I learned that, for me, being a SM is well worth the occasional hiccup that comes with blending a family, and it's quite easy once you and your significant other finally get on the same page.  This site actually helped, because I would relay things you guys would say about how to approach certain things to him... eventually we learned how not to step on each other's toes, which was a problem at first never having been stepparents before. 

I also learned that all of that takes time.  I gave it time.  And now I rarely have a complaint.  

Life is good, and I can honestly say I learned more here than I did in any book I've bought on the subject of stepparenting.

Also I've made some friends here that I'd love to have a party with, lol.

Agentmom4957
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 6:35 PM
2 moms liked this
Kinda funny, the drama posts from earlier got jumped on like white on rice lol!

Quoting CampHarris:

Hmmm... 

I had no idea how to be a SM, what my boundaries should be, or how to handle my frustrations.

Then I found SMC and silently lurked in the background for a long, long time.  I read every post you guys made, and sucked in as much pertinent advice as I could.  I learned to kick BM out of my headspace, to just chillax and let DF handle his kids and me handle mine, and to not take life so fucking seriously.  I learned that, for me, being a SM is well worth the occasional hiccup that comes with blending a family, and it's quite easy once you and your significant other finally get on the same page.  This site actually helped, because I would relay things you guys would say about how to approach certain things to him... eventually we learned how not to step on each other's toes, which was a problem at first never having been stepparents before. 

I also learned that all of that takes time.  I gave it time.  And now I rarely have a complaint.  

Life is good, and I can honestly say I learned more here than I did in any book I've bought on the subject of stepparenting.

Also I've made some friends here that I'd love to have a party with, lol.

codysara
by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 6:41 PM
1 mom liked this
I can say the best news I have received on here was to not give bm headspace. Vent/discuss appropriately when needed and let it go. It is so hard to do, but so freeing once you realize it is possible.
CampHarris
by Gold Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 6:44 PM
1 mom liked this
Well, everyone is probably a little consumed with collectively scratching our heads over the trolltastic ambiance in here the last couple days, lol. I know I am.

Quoting Agentmom4957: Kinda funny, the drama posts from earlier got jumped on like white on rice lol!

Quoting CampHarris:

Hmmm... 

I had no idea how to be a SM, what my boundaries should be, or how to handle my frustrations.

Then I found SMC and silently lurked in the background for a long, long time.  I read every post you guys made, and sucked in as much pertinent advice as I could.  I learned to kick BM out of my headspace, to just chillax and let DF handle his kids and me handle mine, and to not take life so fucking seriously.  I learned that, for me, being a SM is well worth the occasional hiccup that comes with blending a family, and it's quite easy once you and your significant other finally get on the same page.  This site actually helped, because I would relay things you guys would say about how to approach certain things to him... eventually we learned how not to step on each other's toes, which was a problem at first never having been stepparents before. 

I also learned that all of that takes time.  I gave it time.  And now I rarely have a complaint.  

Life is good, and I can honestly say I learned more here than I did in any book I've bought on the subject of stepparenting.

Also I've made some friends here that I'd love to have a party with, lol.

WickedPissah
by 2Sexy4MyStoma on Oct. 8, 2015 at 6:53 PM
2 moms liked this
Word sistah.
I do that with a lot of people.


Quoting codysara: I can say the best news I have received on here was to not give bm headspace. Vent/discuss appropriately when needed and let it go. It is so hard to do, but so freeing once you realize it is possible.
Agentmom4957
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:03 PM
2 moms liked this
Definitely the best advice I got on here has been 'you don't have a bm problem, you have a dh problem'. I was SO offended by this!! Like...'how dare u talk smack about my man!' But the reality was, he was in an unhealthy relationship for 8 years. And healthy people do not stay in unhealthy relationships. We have made a lot of headway the past few months. Both of us have been in counseling separately for our issues, I've learned a lot about myself, establishing boundaries (between both dh, the skidded, AND bm) it's a work in progress, but I'm certainly a lot happier for it. And the bm taking headspace? I should have charged that psycho bitch rent for the space she took in my head! Oh man. It was bad. Now I just feel sorry for her, but more so for her kiddos.
chanizen
by on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:37 PM
2 moms liked this
With bm#1, I had a great relationship. Sat down to coffee and gave each other lots of room and it was great

Bm#2 is a little more up and down. She is hard to predict. But things are calm at the moment, so hopefully things stay on the upswing.

Ss seems to be getting good grades which is nice!
shoult
by Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 10:31 PM
2 moms liked this
YES! This exactly, though I still lurk more than post. I have to admit in the beginning it was really hard to read the advice. But, I'm so glad this place exists. I've learned how to let go of my anger and irritation with BM and let my DH deal with her. And, my relationship with SD improved drastically when I took step back and let DH parent her without my interference (shocking I know :). I did get to experience a first with SD this summer that I wasn't completely prepared for... Her first period. She was with us for a month and got it about a week after she arrived. It went OK and we got through it, but that was one rite of passage I wish BM had been around to help with.

So, thank you all.

Quoting CampHarris:

Hmmm... 

I had no idea how to be a SM, what my boundaries should be, or how to handle my frustrations.

Then I found SMC and silently lurked in the background for a long, long time.  I read every post you guys made, and sucked in as much pertinent advice as I could.  I learned to kick BM out of my headspace, to just chillax and let DF handle his kids and me handle mine, and to not take life so fucking seriously.  I learned that, for me, being a SM is well worth the occasional hiccup that comes with blending a family, and it's quite easy once you and your significant other finally get on the same page.  This site actually helped, because I would relay things you guys would say about how to approach certain things to him... eventually we learned how not to step on each other's toes, which was a problem at first never having been stepparents before. 

I also learned that all of that takes time.  I gave it time.  And now I rarely have a complaint.  

Life is good, and I can honestly say I learned more here than I did in any book I've bought on the subject of stepparenting.

Also I've made some friends here that I'd love to have a party with, lol.

CampHarris
by Gold Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 11:28 PM
2 moms liked this
Yep, same here! At first I was a little defensive (silently) reading the posts here... I mean, the answer is just to step back and not parent?? I'm a parent! That's what I do!!!

But... I'm not THEIR parent. BM isn't MY problem. And as soon as it all clicked (it took a year or two), it was smooth sailing for me.

And awww... I wouldn't worry too much about the period thing. Actually, when I got mine the first time I was with my dad for the first time (long back story there). He had a girlfriend and it was super awkward going to him, especially barely knowing him, but his GF at the time took charge like a boss and made me feel so much better. I always loved her for that.

I'm sure you did great.

And you should post more... We could always use more level-headed people in our posse, lol.

Quoting shoult: YES! This exactly, though I still lurk more than post. I have to admit in the beginning it was really hard to read the advice. But, I'm so glad this place exists. I've learned how to let go of my anger and irritation with BM and let my DH deal with her. And, my relationship with SD improved drastically when I took step back and let DH parent her without my interference (shocking I know :). I did get to experience a first with SD this summer that I wasn't completely prepared for... Her first period. She was with us for a month and got it about a week after she arrived. It went OK and we got through it, but that was one rite of passage I wish BM had been around to help with.

So, thank you all.

Quoting CampHarris:

Hmmm... 

I had no idea how to be a SM, what my boundaries should be, or how to handle my frustrations.

Then I found SMC and silently lurked in the background for a long, long time.  I read every post you guys made, and sucked in as much pertinent advice as I could.  I learned to kick BM out of my headspace, to just chillax and let DF handle his kids and me handle mine, and to not take life so fucking seriously.  I learned that, for me, being a SM is well worth the occasional hiccup that comes with blending a family, and it's quite easy once you and your significant other finally get on the same page.  This site actually helped, because I would relay things you guys would say about how to approach certain things to him... eventually we learned how not to step on each other's toes, which was a problem at first never having been stepparents before. 

I also learned that all of that takes time.  I gave it time.  And now I rarely have a complaint.  

Life is good, and I can honestly say I learned more here than I did in any book I've bought on the subject of stepparenting.

Also I've made some friends here that I'd love to have a party with, lol.

AM1011
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 11:30 PM
2 moms liked this
My favorite memory with Bm is when I decided I would no longer communicate with her and let her get a reaction out of me. It pissed her off sooooo bad lol. But my life got so much better.
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