Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Update at bottom! Looking at things with eyes wide open.

Posted by on Oct. 26, 2015 at 1:48 PM
  • 112 Replies
Ok, here is my question....

How much drama between two homes is wrapped up in a man in the middle?

Ok, DH sometimes sucks Royal a$$ at being the go between. While a great father, he is an idiot at diverting hostile situations and putting a stop to drama. He is a wishy washy pleaser to say the least.

I'm wondering how much BM drama stems from him and how much could have been avoided and stopped dead in the tracks.

I'm wondering if he has played both sides and not well. Seriously BM has anger issues and some other major boundary issues. But how do I know what he was feeding her to bring out the worst in those?

Anyone else wonder how things got so out of control in your sitch.

Maybe is PMS but DH has said somethings lately that make me scratch my head and wonder if BMs reactions weren't from misguided attempts of DH to not have to deal with stuff or to play both sides telling each of us what he thought we wanted to hear. Making BM look even worse to me.

Then I think of what the kids have said and what I have seen... Then I realize I'm just upset with DH.

I need to stop thinking so damn much.

-------UPDATE---------
DH and I were just on phone and he was in work truck (headset and hands free talking) and he hit something. Screamed at me... It's all my fault because we were dealing with this bull shit. He is done! you know this is all my fault!

Ugggghhhhh
by on Oct. 26, 2015 at 1:48 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
tiafez
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 1:54 PM
1 mom liked this

I often thought my exhusband was making the drama increase between SM and myself. 

mischele
by Bronze Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 1:58 PM
1 mom liked this
I have no communication with BM. DH handles all that drama on his own. I stopped dealing with that drama when we moved away because she was being a stalker
oldproatthis
by Gold Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 1:58 PM
3 moms liked this

This was part of why I spent years with a no contact policy...I was in a shitstorm of manipulative bullshit with the kids, DH, BM, and MIL and in the end...BM SLAPPED me at a pick-up...at that point I flipped my shit and checked myself out...immediate reset button on my brain and place in the family. Clarity came hard and fast. I was one of those SMs trying to support everyone, help everyone, clarify back asswards miscommunication.

What I didn't know at the time was that all these shits WANTED to fight, manipulate, and screw with each other...they were all still so very angry and hurt over the divorce...I was sucked into the vortex and got chewed up...ESPECIALLY by BM...I was an excellent target for all her hate and anger...

So I said I'm out...I communicated not one iota with BM, about BM, about the schedule, NOTHING. DH handled ALL of it...It became a steel trap. When the kids said ANYTHING about BM I was a brick wall: "I don't know your mom so I have no answer to that comment." Literally answered that to EVERYTHING from "BM makes the best mac and cheese" to "BM says you're a terrible person and trying to steal us."...It was really really hard for a long time. I just kept pressing on, minding my own business, DH handled discipline, all contact with BM, most contact with MIL. It finally has all dialed down. Slow and steady through it all, I built trust and love with the kids just by steadfastly never wavering from who I am, being caring, predictable, reliable, and caring about their dad. It was a long road...worth it for me so far. I would NEVER recommend any woman I know choose this path. There are much easier paths to happiness in a family, for sure. I'm just not one to ever really look in the rear view or lamnent my choices. I live my life, pedal fully pressed, without regret., owning my choices, and making the best of them.

6isus
by Gold Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 2:03 PM
Did he tell her all about your private conversations!

DH let it slip that he told BM he didn't agree with my views that she wasn't welcome in my bedroom/master bath. After
We agreed ahead of time and he promised me he wouldn't let her on there, I came home to all of them standing in my bathroom. (Kids have always been welcome in all of our home! But not BM. After all her drama I begged for my own BM drama free space.
After the event:
Telling me how sorry he was for allowing her in there and how wrong it was to allow her to violate my personal space like that... He was so so so so sorry to me.

He called her the next day and told her he was sorry I was shocked and he didn't agree with my opinion that she shouldn't be in there. It was all ok because I had to just get over it. He disagreed with me.

Omg he told me she barged in there and he couldn't stop her!

Holy cow who is that dumb? Me for believing him at all! I am wondering if I know this man at all!



Quoting tiafez:

I often thought my exhusband was making the drama increase between SM and myself. 

Rocker.Mom.07
by on Oct. 26, 2015 at 2:04 PM
1 mom liked this

BM here just likes to mess with SDs head so it's SD bringing the drama, attitude, and emotional issues here. DH (and myself)  is at wits end with this shit...he's going to start spending a lot more time with SD because it's just getting worse since school started. She was fine all summer. Coming over here and playing, no issues in doing her few chores. These past couple weeks she's been here ...have been difficult with her chores and she is having behavior issues in school.
She's been telling DH things her mom has been telling her and told me the other week her mom has told her she is not allowed to call me mom.  Uuuh, ok, I nor DH have ever told her she has to call me mom and nothing has ever been said about her calling me mom...
So, yeah. BM avoids any contact with DH...so she uses SD to cause the drama here.

WickedPissah
by 2Sexy4MyStoma on Oct. 26, 2015 at 2:13 PM
2 moms liked this
My ex can make you believe the sky is red with purple unicorns flying.
With that said I know he ignites sm, and I know he never wants us to communicate. I know he makes shit up about me to get her to be pissed at me or to settle her insecuritie or just because, because that's how he is. He did the same to me.
Only difference is is that she has to live with him and tolerate it. I'm not with him, and I see things for what they are.
Ex will prey and take advantage of your weaknesses.
tiafez
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 2:14 PM
1 mom liked this

looking back I can see how he played both sides, telling me one thing then changing it up for her. Like he was trying to keep us both from being mad, but only from being mad at him. He was fine with us not getting along. So she'd hear how he had no choice but to agree to something because I demanded it and I'd get "well she said no so it's no" but in reality it was him playing both sides. I think 75% of the drama would have been avoided if he'd just stopped trying to cover his butt and startedsaying no to both of us when he didn't like something. Instead, we all got WW3

Quoting 6isus: Did he tell her all about your private conversations! DH let it slip that he told BM he didn't agree with my views that she wasn't welcome in my bedroom/master bath. After We agreed ahead of time and he promised me he wouldn't let her on there, I came home to all of them standing in my bathroom. (Kids have always been welcome in all of our home! But not BM. After all her drama I begged for my own BM drama free space. After the event: Telling me how sorry he was for allowing her in there and how wrong it was to allow her to violate my personal space like that... He was so so so so sorry to me. He called her the next day and told her he was sorry I was shocked and he didn't agree with my opinion that she shouldn't be in there. It was all ok because I had to just get over it. He disagreed with me. Omg he told me she barged in there and he couldn't stop her! Holy cow who is that dumb? Me for believing him at all! I am wondering if I know this man at all!
Quoting tiafez:

I often thought my exhusband was making the drama increase between SM and myself. 


Verified BM/SM/BOB .... wwnsdd?

Hoos456
by Bronze Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 2:20 PM
5 moms liked this
Why would she ever feel the need or desire to be in your bedroom or personal bathroom? That's just werid. I believe bedrooms are off limits to outsiders period. I would never enter someone's personal space.

Quoting 6isus: Did he tell her all about your private conversations!

DH let it slip that he told BM he didn't agree with my views that she wasn't welcome in my bedroom/master bath. After
We agreed ahead of time and he promised me he wouldn't let her on there, I came home to all of them standing in my bathroom. (Kids have always been welcome in all of our home! But not BM. After all her drama I begged for my own BM drama free space.
After the event:
Telling me how sorry he was for allowing her in there and how wrong it was to allow her to violate my personal space like that... He was so so so so sorry to me.

He called her the next day and told her he was sorry I was shocked and he didn't agree with my opinion that she shouldn't be in there. It was all ok because I had to just get over it. He disagreed with me.

Omg he told me she barged in there and he couldn't stop her!

Holy cow who is that dumb? Me for believing him at all! I am wondering if I know this man at all!



Quoting tiafez:

I often thought my exhusband was making the drama increase between SM and myself. 

tiafez
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 2:25 PM
1 mom liked this

I have to agree, even when we have guests over to tour our house the Mr will show them the open door to our room and pass by it saying "and that's whaere the magic happens" ..that usually keep anyone from wanting to enter and examine our really nice bedspread. If his ex were touring the house...well she wouldn't be so it doesn't matter. 

I'd be upset too.

Quoting Hoos456: Why would she ever feel the need or desire to be in your bedroom or personal bathroom? That's just werid. I believe bedrooms are off limits to outsiders period. I would never enter someone's personal space.
Quoting 6isus: Did he tell her all about your private conversations! DH let it slip that he told BM he didn't agree with my views that she wasn't welcome in my bedroom/master bath. After We agreed ahead of time and he promised me he wouldn't let her on there, I came home to all of them standing in my bathroom. (Kids have always been welcome in all of our home! But not BM. After all her drama I begged for my own BM drama free space. After the event: Telling me how sorry he was for allowing her in there and how wrong it was to allow her to violate my personal space like that... He was so so so so sorry to me. He called her the next day and told her he was sorry I was shocked and he didn't agree with my opinion that she shouldn't be in there. It was all ok because I had to just get over it. He disagreed with me. Omg he told me she barged in there and he couldn't stop her! Holy cow who is that dumb? Me for believing him at all! I am wondering if I know this man at all!
Quoting tiafez:

I often thought my exhusband was making the drama increase between SM and myself. 


Verified BM/SM/BOB .... wwnsdd?

biberonka
by Bronze Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 2:37 PM
1 mom liked this

My ex... I know he fed his GF some bullshit about him leaving me, LOL... I heard it a few months ago from friends. GF is crazy as it is, so the timing of her blow up seems to align perfectly. She told people I was jealous of her, made him cut communication off completely with me, and made him move across the country from DD. But I don't blame just him, they are a match made in heaven (more like hell). The crazies have found each-other and as long as they leave us alone I'm perfectly happy with never seeing them again. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)