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Bio mom making me doubt my own sanity

Posted by on Oct. 29, 2015 at 3:20 PM
  • 50 Replies
Hello, I'm new to the group. A little about myself...I was married for 7 years before, and had 3 boys with my ex husband. He cheated when I was pregnant with our 3rd son, and he wanted to shack up with his gf while keeping me at home, living a double life. He refused to change so I divorced him. A year later I began dating a man who already had 2 daughters from his ex girlfriend. They had been broken up for 6 years already when I started dating him. We are married, and have been for almost 4 years, and we have a 3 year old daughter together. I had never been so happy and secure in my previous marriage. I am now, but his ex, the mother of his two teenage daughters is playing me like a fiddle I suppose. She has always done stuff since the beginning...puts the girls in the middle...lies about their father and tries to turn them against him, called me names to her daughters and would just act crazy, even after being broken up for 6 years. Then she befriended me after my husband won full custody bc of her stupid husband who was on drugs and hurt one of the girls. She just wanted a place to stay bc she ended up homeless with a small child from her drug addicted husband. She asked me. My husband said he didnt want her anywhere near us, but he would leave the decision up to me. The girls begged me to let her stay with us so their mom could get away from her crazy husband. I allowed it bc I felt bad for the girls, and the their mom wasn't trying to get at my husband or anything inappropriate so I trusted her. I trust my husband, but I shouldn't have trusted her. She lived with us for 4 months. She would go out at night and leave her small child with my stepdaughter. She apparently likes to party and doesnt want to be a parent. Flash forward a year. I find out that the bio mom told her nephew (who is close to my husband and I) and her daughters that my husband (their father) told her that if it didnt work out with me that he would leave me, marry her. Hmmm. I asked him about it, and he honestly looked shocked and said he has no idea what his ex is talking about. He told me he never said it. He has given me no reason not to trust him. Unless I'm a blind fool. Should oh trust what he says? Or why would she make up something like that? Especially after 11 years now of being broken up. I don't understand why she would want to do that. Now it is in my head and I can't make it go away. I doubt my husband bc of what she said. I don't know how to get past it. If he really said that, then why should I be with him, if what he really wants is her? Someone help me decide what to believe and why
by on Oct. 29, 2015 at 3:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CampHarris
by Gold Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 3:24 PM
1 mom liked this

Wait wait wait... you let BM live with you?

I'd be questioning my own sanity too.

oldproatthis
by Gold Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 3:27 PM
No one here knows you or any of the others in your story. How the hell are we supposed to help you know what to believe?

This is a mess you made in your own head by not having clear marital boundaries. It is a mess you will have to wade through. I would suggest counseling for yourself as to why your did not have better boundaries and now the fallout.

DH was pretty clear about the distance he wanted from BM. You violated that. Now there are trust issues. The girls needed time with mom sure. They would have been perfectly fine seeing her under someone else's roof. Her life is hers to handle.
soonergirl980
by Platinum Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 3:38 PM
1 mom liked this
We had another long term member let the mom live with them. She doesn't post much here anymore since her and her dh divorced. For this and many other reasons she was pretty much a saint lol

Quoting CampHarris:

Wait wait wait... you let BM live with you?

I'd be questioning my own sanity too.

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:06 PM

they divorced?! Can't remember her name-but I remember her story

that's sad

Quoting soonergirl980: We had another long term member let the mom live with them. She doesn't post much here anymore since her and her dh divorced. For this and many other reasons she was pretty much a saint lol
Quoting CampHarris:

Wait wait wait... you let BM live with you?

I'd be questioning my own sanity too.



soonergirl980
by Platinum Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Amanda and yes she posted awhile back they they had divorced and he already moved some chick in and some other bullshit. She deserved better than that b.s. She should come back she was such a sweetheart.

Quoting Tigress22304:

they divorced?! Can't remember her name-but I remember her story

that's sad

Quoting soonergirl980: We had another long term member let the mom live with them. She doesn't post much here anymore since her and her dh divorced. For this and many other reasons she was pretty much a saint lol

Quoting CampHarris:

Wait wait wait... you let BM live with you?

I'd be questioning my own sanity too.

Klv1981
by Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:09 PM
Yes clearly I let down boundaries when I allowed the bio mom to live with us because I didn't want my stepdaughters to hate me. They were begging me. I didn't know what else to do. I just don't understand why she would make stuff up now, at this time, especially after I helped her.
Klv1981
by Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:14 PM
1 mom liked this
Ok...I made a mistake. You come across as very harsh and judgemental of me. I realise I made a mistake and didn't have a clear boundary. I feel like I have always been walking on eggshells bc of the girls and their mother. I didn't want to be the "bad" guy and turn her away when she had no place to go. Do you see the position they put me in? They did it on purpose, because they know I'm a Christian and I'm not going to turn a woman and her small child away in the dead of winter. I had NO idea how to handle that situation. Obviously you can't tell me what to believe. I wanted to know what people thought about her saying what she said. Do other people have experiences where the bio mom is trying to get in your head and make you doubt your husband? Do other women have problems with bio moms making up lies to try and break up your marriage? That's what I want to know.

Quoting oldproatthis: No one here knows you or any of the others in your story. How the hell are we supposed to help you know what to believe?

This is a mess you made in your own head by not having clear marital boundaries. It is a mess you will have to wade through. I would suggest counseling for yourself as to why your did not have better boundaries and now the fallout.

DH was pretty clear about the distance he wanted from BM. You violated that. Now there are trust issues. The girls needed time with mom sure. They would have been perfectly fine seeing her under someone else's roof. Her life is hers to handle.
Klv1981
by Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:18 PM
Well I will never let BM live with us ever again. She is not even allowed inside our home. She waits in the driveway when she picks up her daughters. One is old enough to drive and usually she will go see her mom on her own with her own car. I see now what a mistake it was to let the BM weasel her way in. I should never have allowed it.

Quoting soonergirl980: We had another long term member let the mom live with them. She doesn't post much here anymore since her and her dh divorced. For this and many other reasons she was pretty much a saint lol

Quoting CampHarris:

Wait wait wait... you let BM live with you?

I'd be questioning my own sanity too.

MyAshleyJoy
by Bronze Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:18 PM
Because she's a mess and wants everyone else's life to be.

Because she's jealous.

Because she wants it to happen.

Because she thinks its true.

Because it is true.

You have to decide what you believe and then stick to it. Keep in mind you're jaded by your ex. And find your boundaries, stick to them.
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:19 PM
1 mom liked this

OMG we're FB friends...I had no idea.....I outta slice and dice his weiner that fucker


and to think I told him I loved his Bug!

Quoting soonergirl980: Amanda and yes she posted awhile back they they had divorced and he already moved some chick in and some other bullshit. She deserved better than that b.s. She should come back she was such a sweetheart.
Quoting Tigress22304:

they divorced?! Can't remember her name-but I remember her story

that's sad

Quoting soonergirl980: We had another long term member let the mom live with them. She doesn't post much here anymore since her and her dh divorced. For this and many other reasons she was pretty much a saint lol
Quoting CampHarris:

Wait wait wait... you let BM live with you?

I'd be questioning my own sanity too.



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