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IN LAWS!!

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2016 at 6:15 PM
  • 16 Replies
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Someone made a post earlier about in laws and got some great feedback from you guys so I thought maybe I could as well. My situation is a bit different.

DH has 2 aunts that were never able to have children. His grandmother and his mom...

We all live close together and we are all SUPER CLOSE. I love them and they are family. But like all families do we disagree on a few things.

My DS6 is the baby of the family and although he is now 6 they still treat him like he is 3. They baby him soo much and it drives me and DH crazy sometimes.

Example: DS has started this thing where he likes certain foods one week and then says he doesn't like it the next. DS wanted to play and didn't want to eat dinner when the whole famly was eating. DH told DS that he needed to sit down and eat because it was dinner time and he wasn't going to decide at bedtime OHH YA I AM HUNGRY NOW. (He has done this before)... Well DS said he didn't like it and didn't want to eat it. (It was pork chops and he LOVES pork chops) but he wanted to play instead of eat at that time. DH told him to eat his dinner and then he could play and have dessert after. Well DS sat there and wouldn't eat, so DH told him okay you don't get dessert until you eat your dinner, whole family heard him say this.

DS went inside the house. I walked in a few minutes later and he was sitting there eating ICE CREAM!!

DHs grandmother gave it to him!!! DH has talked to them a little about it but they say HE IS THE BABY, we did the same for you when you were a kid!!

They help us alot, we both work FT so they help with getting the kids after school and if we needed anything at all we know they would be there in a heartbeat for us. We love them all dearly and don't want to hurt their feelings but we try to raise our kids to be humble and well behaved and respectful. They are really great kids and we get complimented often on how good they are but I'm worried if they continue to do things like that as he gets older he is going to think what we say doesn't matter and he will get his way anyway.

Sometimes I think, maybe it's not a big deal it is just being a grandma or aunt and I remember my grandparents doing extra stuff for me growing up so maybe we should just let it go.

But then it frustrates me because it is kind of saying WHO CARES WHAT MOM AND DAD SAID!!!

Urghh I am so torn! Any suggestions??



by on Jan. 31, 2016 at 6:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Loveamom
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2016 at 7:34 PM
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Well...ice cream is milk..which is healthy..and a part of the food pyramid..and DH wanted him to eat and look he was eating...so they helped you. (Side 1)

What!!! No they didn't! Ice cream before eating! Shame on them.. If you're mad, then I am mad! Let me know when we aren't mad anymore (side 2)

It is tough
Maybe a gentle reminder of not giving in when you are there but when you are not they can feed in whatever order they want.
Shhh don't tell my daughter but I sometimes give my grand baby clear pop.. I call it water with bubbles lol
Loveamom
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2016 at 7:39 PM
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And maybe twice my grand baby got cookies and milk for breakfast ;)
redheadtmk
by on Jan. 31, 2016 at 7:41 PM
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I am straight forward and out spoken so I would be pretty blunt. I would calmly but firmly tell them that they will not undermine my parenting or they will not be allowed over. They are free to spoil the kids in thier own home or at other times etc but when I am disciining my child they will not go against what I said. I had this conversation when I was pregnant with my MIL. We were discussing different things and I let her know what my boundaries were.
ehuff22
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2016 at 7:56 PM
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And this is why I posted here lol. I know there are many grandmother's on here too so I can get advice from both mothers and grandmothers on this one. It'll help me understand it from grandma's perspective too.

Quoting Loveamom: Well...ice cream is milk..which is healthy..and a part of the food pyramid..and DH wanted him to eat and look he was eating...so they helped you. (Side 1)

What!!! No they didn't! Ice cream before eating! Shame on them.. If you're mad, then I am mad! Let me know when we aren't mad anymore (side 2)

It is tough
Maybe a gentle reminder of not giving in when you are there but when you are not they can feed in whatever order they want.
Shhh don't tell my daughter but I sometimes give my grand baby clear pop.. I call it water with bubbles lol
Loveamom
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2016 at 8:01 PM
2 moms liked this
I understand your frustration.

Quoting ehuff22: And this is why I posted here lol. I know there are many grandmother's on here too so I can get advice from both mothers and grandmothers on this one. It'll help me understand it from grandma's perspective too.

Quoting Loveamom: Well...ice cream is milk..which is healthy..and a part of the food pyramid..and DH wanted him to eat and look he was eating...so they helped you. (Side 1)

What!!! No they didn't! Ice cream before eating! Shame on them.. If you're mad, then I am mad! Let me know when we aren't mad anymore (side 2)

It is tough
Maybe a gentle reminder of not giving in when you are there but when you are not they can feed in whatever order they want.
Shhh don't tell my daughter but I sometimes give my grand baby clear pop.. I call it water with bubbles lol
ehuff22
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2016 at 8:56 PM
1 mom liked this
LOL.. oh I'm sure my kids have had milk and cookies for breakfast a few times too ;)

Quoting Loveamom: And maybe twice my grand baby got cookies and milk for breakfast ;)
Seychelles1409
by Gold Member on Jan. 31, 2016 at 11:40 PM
1 mom liked this

I would nicely explain your stance on this to the relatives just as you have explained it here in this post.   Be sure and coat your explanation with statements about how much you treasure and need ther advice.   Don't, however, give them the idea that you do not know the right thing to do when it comes to raising your son right from wrong when it comes to his behavior.   

terpmama
by on Feb. 1, 2016 at 12:02 AM
I like what some of the others have said...

I would sit down with them and tell that that you love that they have such a special relationship with DS and you want to allow that to be a special relationship so when you and dh are around you will take the parenting role and would appreciate their help making sure that DS knows that mom and dad are in charge, so that when he's out in the world he knows that mom and dad always have his back and he can rely on the lessons you've (mom and dad) have taught him. But that the best part of having the auntie/grandma role is being able to bend a bit when mom and dad aren't around. This way you don't get undermined and they still get to spoil him.
beauty1990
by New Member on Feb. 1, 2016 at 12:08 AM
I have had the same problem with my in laws as well. I don't usually mind whatever they give my DS but when my FIL gave him candy after I told both of them no cause my DS didn't finish his lunch I flipped on my FIL. I try to respect their house their rules but I am still mom and when I tell my son no and my FIL knowingly does the opposite it makes me lose credibility as an authority figure in my DS's eyes. I made sure my DS was aware that Papaw was wrong to give him candy when Mommy already said no
jpickens
by Gold Member on Feb. 1, 2016 at 12:16 AM
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This particular situation is not a big deal IMO.  Its common for grandparents to do that, especially great grandparents. Let that go.  

To add, I was raised in a village style family with divorced parents and I can't express how much that helped me growing up, despite the bad.  So, be very grateful that he has that in his life and don't worry about the small stuff. :-)

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