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Saying words or show by action

Posted by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 3:21 PM
  • 36 Replies
Dh was hurt that ss14thinks because bm says she loves him, it means she does. Bm is just saying words. Dh explain to ss that you should show it by action when you say words. Ss is SN and we know he doesn't understand the differece.
Dh spends one on one with ss, takes/pickup ss from school, takes him out, etc. Bm only sees ss when she takes him to the orthodontist or when sf agrees to take him out, which is rarely.
Bm only had ss stayed overnight less than 25 days in 2 years. She lives less than 10 minutes away and last overnight was 8/27. She said ss threaten her with a knife and she couldn't handle him. Ss was jealous that bm and sf loved the dog more than him.
Ss is the one calling/begging to go there. He then waits around only to get disappointed when she says she can't get him because she's busy.
I feel bad for dh cause he show unconditional love while bm just rejects ss. Ss thinks the rejection is showing love
by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 3:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jpickens
by Gold Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 3:44 PM
2 moms liked this
The father shouldn't try to convience SS that mom doesn't love him. I understand the conditional/unconditional but it's best if Dad lets his son figure that out for himself.


What happened when he threatened her with a knife?
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 3:45 PM
2 moms liked this

The father shouldn't explain how his mother feels about SS to him, that is between SS and his mother.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 4:24 PM
3 moms liked this
She more than likely does love her child. She just doesn't demonstrate her love in a way that is acceptable to your DH. That's his problem.

Is dad in competition for child's love? Why?
whatIknownow
by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 4:51 PM

Has SS told his mother that he wants to see her more?

luckyinlife
by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 5:08 PM
1 mom liked this
It really isn't for one person to say how another feels. What your DH is doing sounds emotionally abusive and a form of parental alienation. Her 14 yo special needs son tried to stab her? There is definitely a full side to her story your leaving out or trying to brush over to demonize her. If SS is thriving with your DH and not a threat to him as he was BM then clearly the best decision was made. Not everyone is cut out physically and mentally to be a full time care giver. That doesn't mean they don't love them.
SammysMomma
by on Mar. 13, 2016 at 5:18 PM
1 mom liked this
Wow your dh is telling his son that mom doesn't love him. That's not cool
othermomforD
by Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 6:19 PM
Dh asked ss and he said he didn't take a knife. Bm has narcissistic behaviour and will say anything. After this incident where she banned him 1 year from staying at her home, she was out of county on vacation a few days later.
Ss logged into her fb account and found out she and sf were on vacation.
Hard part is we deal with all the disappointment

Quoting jpickens: The father shouldn't try to convience SS that mom doesn't love him. I understand the conditional/unconditional but it's best if Dad lets his son figure that out for himself.


What happened when he threatened her with a knife?
Loveamom
by Silver Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 6:37 PM
1 mom liked this
I am sure she loves her son, maybe not in the way you or DH thinks she should. But it is harmful for DH to tell his son that even though mom is saying she loves you, she don't. Maybe DH doesn't really love him.
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 6:40 PM

The problem with your SS being special needs is he's not going to understand that BM's actions are proving otherwise then what she is saying.

Like you said-he thinks that by being ignored/rejected by BM-that's love.

There's not much you or DH can do to change his mind.  This is something you may want to talk to his teachers about. To help him understand the difference between love and tolerance...because it sounds like BM just tolerates him.

Loveamom
by Silver Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 6:40 PM
Not only do you deal with disappointment DH causes it with his negative words to his son. Poor kid

Quoting othermomforD: Dh asked ss and he said he didn't take a knife. Bm has narcissistic behaviour and will say anything. After this incident where she banned him 1 year from staying at her home, she was out of county on vacation a few days later.
Ss logged into her fb account and found out she and sf were on vacation.
Hard part is we deal with all the disappointment

Quoting jpickens: The father shouldn't try to convience SS that mom doesn't love him. I understand the conditional/unconditional but it's best if Dad lets his son figure that out for himself.


What happened when he threatened her with a knife?
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