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Moving dilemma...what to do what to do??

Posted by on Mar. 22, 2016 at 11:27 AM
  • 89 Replies
My fiancé has full custody of his 8 year old daughter and her mom was absent for most of her life, she struggled with bad choices, breaking the law and heroin addiction. She never could get clean not even for her children, she tried and tried and the daughter who lives with us is number 6. She was clean for a year or so and had this little girl as her last chance baby and she could not stay off drugs, so she has been absent in jail for a year at a time then in and out of her life when she is trying hard then back to jail. Anyway when she had been absent for two years straight my fiancé submitted a form to the court to relocate out of state. We live in Indiana and see moving to Tennessee. BM came to the court date and tried to stop the move but instead the judge granted the move and terminated her visitations due to her lack of interest or commitment to her daughter. So after all the paper work was filed and granted I put my house on the market and made plans with my mom and daughter and grand baby to move together. The market is slow and the house has been on the market for one year now. Now BM is clean and working hard to stay clean. She spent a year in jail and then got out a year ago and has been clean. She has been seeing her daughter every Friday since October and the total hours of visit time is 16 hours in 6 months (that includes me meeting her with her daughter for lunch and a few other get togetherness outside of the supervision center)
Our plan was not to move away from her...she was already gone..it was more our choice of wanting to relocate for warmer weather and no snow, lower cost of living and we have family there.
Now that BM is clean and trying is it wrong to move? She is welcome to move too and live near us there. Any thoughts or suggestions?
by on Mar. 22, 2016 at 11:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
pusheen-kitty
by Battler on Mar. 22, 2016 at 11:53 AM
That's tough.

But lower cost of living , family present and a judges blessing.. BM knew this was a possibility for a long time. Since the judge ok it, she knew about it, and dad has custody..

But, you can't do anything until the house is sold, so why worry about it now?
AM1011
by Bronze Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 11:58 AM
3 moms liked this
Just go on about your plans. Let her visit while y'all are close and what she does when y'all move in on her. If she really is clean and wants to stay clean and wants to be a part of her daughter's life then she will do that. But I wouldn't plan your family life around a woman that didn't put her daughter as a priority for 8yrs.
Eternity807
by Bronze Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 12:13 PM

This exactly.

Quoting AM1011: Just go on about your plans. Let her visit while y'all are close and what she does when y'all move in on her. If she really is clean and wants to stay clean and wants to be a part of her daughter's life then she will do that. But I wouldn't plan your family life around a woman that didn't put her daughter as a priority for 8yrs.


Loveamom
by Silver Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 12:18 PM
We had a couple that really loved the house the comments were customers really loved home and subdivision top on their list! Now today there is a second showing so it could sell soon. I have lowered the price and made some updates so any day i could get an offer.
Quoting pusheen-kitty: That's tough.

But lower cost of living , family present and a judges blessing.. BM knew this was a possibility for a long time. Since the judge ok it, she knew about it, and dad has custody..

But, you can't do anything until the house is sold, so why worry about it now?
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 12:19 PM
Dad is a very sick man. Mom is healing.

Loveamom
by Silver Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 12:19 PM
1 mom liked this
Thanks
Our plans to move were not based on her so our plans should not change based on her

Are you from the south?

quote name="AM1011" id="0"] Just go on about your plans. Let her visit while y'all are close and what she does when y'all move in on her. If she really is clean and wants to stay clean and wants to be a part of her daughter's life then she will do that. But I wouldn't plan your family life around a woman that didn't put her daughter as a priority for 8yrs.[/quote]
Loveamom
by Silver Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 12:21 PM
Dad has cardiomyopathy and is alive and well and takes care of daughter and house daily. I just posted he is doing better. He is not dead.

quote name="pdxmum" id="0"] Dad is a very sick man. Mom is healing.

[/quote]
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 12:22 PM
I also don't think OP should plan her life around her boyfriend's ex wife. But her SO should plan his life around what is best for his daughter and not what is best for his SO.

Quoting AM1011: Just go on about your plans. Let her visit while y'all are close and what she does when y'all move in on her. If she really is clean and wants to stay clean and wants to be a part of her daughter's life then she will do that. But I wouldn't plan your family life around a woman that didn't put her daughter as a priority for 8yrs.
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 12:25 PM
I can only go off your post about how touch and go his life has been and how he is now on a heart transplant list. Sounds petty serious to me.

Never said he was dead and never said she was healed.

But circumstances have changed.



Quoting Loveamom: Dad has cardiomyopathy and is alive and well and takes care of daughter and house daily. I just posted he is doing better. He is not dead.

quote name="pdxmum" id="0"] Dad is a very sick man. Mom is healing.

[/quote]
Loveamom
by Silver Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 12:26 PM
It is his plan and choice to move, I agreed to the move. He wants warm weather, a home with land, and to be by his family. He and I dated as kids and I will support his plans. The case was presented in front of a judge who granted the move. This move is not for me.

Quoting pdxmum: I also don't think OP should plan her life around her boyfriend's ex wife. But her SO should plan his life around what is best for his daughter and not what is best for his SO.

Quoting AM1011: Just go on about your plans. Let her visit while y'all are close and what she does when y'all move in on her. If she really is clean and wants to stay clean and wants to be a part of her daughter's life then she will do that. But I wouldn't plan your family life around a woman that didn't put her daughter as a priority for 8yrs.
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