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How you deal with people that keep saying why did she choose to be a step mom

Posted by on Mar. 22, 2016 at 3:35 PM
  • 27 Replies
Hi everyone
Last week I went to visit one of my cousins in Ohio. The first thing she asked my why did you accept to be a step mom ?! we hardly can tolerate our own kids?!
also, last year I went to visit my family over seas, I heated my friends gossyp about I'm a fool that I accepted to marry a man with kids. But, how can you deals with these issues if you were in my place
by on Mar. 22, 2016 at 3:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SammysMomma
by on Mar. 22, 2016 at 3:47 PM
1 mom liked this
Well why did you accept being a step mom?
progressandjoy
by Gold Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 3:50 PM
2 moms liked this
Why do you feel like a fool?

I think the first thing you can do is respect yourself and feel confident in your decisions. If you talk about your life as if you've made a mistake, you will make yourself an easier target.

At the end of the day, this is your life. You are not obligated to explain yourself or answer questions. However, if you feel like your family is right, maybe you should reevaluate your life.
luckyinlife
by on Mar. 22, 2016 at 3:52 PM
2 moms liked this
That's just life. People will always question you about choices they don't agree with or don't understand. Be confident and gracious, or snarky. But if you choose snarky learn to do it with a smile.
ora120
by Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 3:53 PM
I did accept that as I think I found the right guy for me. I don't show no one my life problems. Yet, they are just talking about it

Quoting SammysMomma: Well why did you accept being a step mom?
SammysMomma
by on Mar. 22, 2016 at 3:54 PM
Why do you think you are a fool?

Quoting ora120: I did accept that as I think I found the right guy for me. I don't show no one my life problems. Yet, they are just talking about it

Quoting SammysMomma: Well why did you accept being a step mom?
ora120
by Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 4:03 PM
It's because after three years marriage, what it all about and what it matters the dad are his kids. You will be the second option or second grade person in your own house

Quoting SammysMomma: Why do you think you are a fool?

Quoting ora120: I did accept that as I think I found the right guy for me. I don't show no one my life problems. Yet, they are just talking about it

Quoting SammysMomma: Well why did you accept being a step mom?
Verrine
by Bronze Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 4:03 PM
1 mom liked this

Um. I love him. He had a kid. I met her and we got along ok. End of story. 

SammysMomma
by on Mar. 22, 2016 at 4:05 PM
3 moms liked this
Not always Hun. Sorry your dh treats you that way.

Tell these people that it's none of their business. Or tell them you love your dh so you wanted to be married to him which makes you a SM


Quoting ora120: It's because after three years marriage, what it all about and what it matters the dad are his kids. You will be the second option or second grade person in your own house

Quoting SammysMomma: Why do you think you are a fool?

Quoting ora120: I did accept that as I think I found the right guy for me. I don't show no one my life problems. Yet, they are just talking about it

Quoting SammysMomma: Well why did you accept being a step mom?
jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 4:38 PM
2 moms liked this

The only time you should be a 'second opinion' or a 'second grade person' in your own home is related to parenting issues about your Skids.  Your marriage, your partnership, should make you first, along side your DH. If you aren't, if you feel 'second' to him in your marriage, that's a DH problem, not a SM problem.

How to deal with family/friends who say such things?  I'd avoid them if they greet you with such a question.  If it's said after a few drinks, I'd let it slide.  And, I'd feel sorry for the cousins who can hardly tolerate their own kids.  I mean, my own kids may drive me batty but I do a lot more than 'tolerate' them, even as teens!  ;) 

Do you see these people often?  Do they know what your SP life is like on a daily basis? Or do you only share the 'pain' of being a SM with them, so that's all they hear about?  Perhaps these people are miserable in their own lives and they project that onto you/your situation as well?

Or have I read this wrong and this isn't what you meant? 

Quoting ora120: It's because after three years marriage, what it all about and what it matters the dad are his kids. You will be the second option or second grade person in your own house
Quoting SammysMomma: Why do you think you are a fool?
Quoting ora120: I did accept that as I think I found the right guy for me. I don't show no one my life problems. Yet, they are just talking about it
Quoting SammysMomma: Well why did you accept being a step mom?


LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Mar. 22, 2016 at 4:51 PM
1 mom liked this

That is how your spouse chooses to treat you.  He would treat you that way regardless of whether or not he has a child.  A childless man prone to such behavior would place his job, friends, or anything else he chooses ahead of you.  If this is your reality, you married a selfish person.  That has nothing to do with him as a father.  


That being said, as a mother, my children will always be my first priority.  My SO knows this.  He accepts it.  He does not get treated like a second class citizen, however, he understands that he is an adult and his needs/wants can wait until after I have handled my children.  That is what adults so - it is a compromise.  Of course, if he and I are having a conversation and a child interrupts, this does not mean I immediately switch my attention.  In that case, the child is told to wait - unless they are informing us of an emergent situation (that scenario has yet to play out and I hope it never does.)

Quoting ora120: It's because after three years marriage, what it all about and what it matters the dad are his kids. You will be the second option or second grade person in your own house
Quoting SammysMomma: Why do you think you are a fool?
Quoting ora120: I did accept that as I think I found the right guy for me. I don't show no one my life problems. Yet, they are just talking about it
Quoting SammysMomma: Well why did you accept being a step mom?


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