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Step parent role and resentment

Posted by on Mar. 30, 2016 at 12:15 PM
  • 18 Replies
I have no idea how to cope with being a step mom. Step kids and i clash. I know my home is not a healthy environment. Its high stress and high anxiety.
by on Mar. 30, 2016 at 12:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CampHarris
by Gold Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 12:20 PM
How old are the kids? How long have you been in their lives? What's the custody situation? What are you clashing over?
soonergirl980
by Platinum Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 12:34 PM

this

Quoting CampHarris: How old are the kids? How long have you been in their lives? What's the custody situation? What are you clashing over?


***Briterican***


Wednesday800
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 12:37 PM

Definitely need more details about the specifics of your situation to give useful advice; but yep, being a stepmom can be very hard and it often takes several rounds of adjustments/concessions/defining of boundaries to be made before one finds the right balance for them-self and their new family.

Loveamom
by Silver Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 12:59 PM

How old are your step kids? It is a tough job but most situations can be worked through with patience and guidance. Good luck.

jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 1:31 PM
1 mom liked this

Welcome to the group.

Besides Camp's questions below (I had the same questions), I have a few more that may help us all give you some answers/suggestions.

Do you have children of your own?  If so, how old and what is their custody situation (Or are they also DHs children)?  How long were BM/BF separated/divorced before you came along?  What did you and DH discuss your role would be PRIOR to moving in/marrying him?  Is DH backing you up if he's set you up to be responsible for things where his children are concerned or is he making you the scapegoat to be the 'fun dad'? 

What have you tried so far?  What are you willing to bend a bit on to make your home a healthier environment? 

Quoting CampHarris: How old are the kids? How long have you been in their lives? What's the custody situation? What are you clashing over?


Griselda_Blanco
by on Mar. 30, 2016 at 1:48 PM

DISENGAGE

tiafez
by Platinum Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 2:00 PM

Welcome to SMC! 


leah829
by Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 3:05 PM

I don't know all the details here and I am only speaking generally.  Too many of us enter in the "step parent thing" with unrealistic ideas.  It can take years to blend families.  It generally does require family counseling.  Also, as a woman its my observation that we tend to blame ourselves too much if there are difficulties in a family.  It takes two to tango and often the problem is a step child that won't behave or act decently and a spouse who refuses to step up to the plate and discipline that child appropriately.  I made it clear to my spouse when I married that I wouldn't stand for certain things including a lack of respect from his children and my children.  Yes, we have to do our part as mothers, but there is more to the equation of happiness than just us.  Sometimes, it takes a while to figure that out, but its the way it works.

josiemh
by on Apr. 10, 2016 at 5:03 PM

I am a stepparent as well.  I have 3 children and my husband has 2 (one of my three is our child together).  I am still learning how to form relationships in the most healthy way and I'm 13 years into it.  That should not make you lose hope LOL just know that it won't happen overnight most likely.  It just takes time to cultivate the relationship that you want.  One thing I know that helped me was reading articles that helped me to know I'm not alone.  One great one is here!  Each relationship is different and you will eventually find what works.  Don't lose hope yet!! :)

XXanonymousXX
by Gold Member on Apr. 10, 2016 at 10:46 PM
Is your home unhealthy for you, the kids or both? Where does the stress and anxiety come from exactly?
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