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Facebook article.

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2016 at 10:43 AM
  • 15 Replies
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Apr. 8, 2016 at 11:38 AM

Every group could make a post like this, it is life, you can't control what people say to or about you, only how you receive it.

jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Apr. 8, 2016 at 12:00 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with Lee. 

Also, I don't usually care for the scarymommy blog, and this is another one that I don't 'get'. 

I never had my friends say/do this.  Perhaps I just chose better/different/more understanding friends from the beginning?  

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Apr. 8, 2016 at 12:44 PM
1 mom liked this

I totally get where this author is coming from.  None of my closest friends are divorced.  All have intact families.  I have had to have these conversations.  Not that my friends were not receptive or supportive, but they had no clue.  Why should they?  I had no clue until I lived it.

Probably all of us thought we knew how to be a better mom than the moms around us before we had kids.  We learned quickly how silly we were to feel that way once we had kids though.

I think the key here is that we really have no clue what it is like to walk in another person's life experience shoes and we should think about that when we make suggestions or offer advice.

We see it here all the time with new as well as long time posters.  Women who have never experienced divorce, have never had to send their children off with daddy every weekend telling us how we should behave and feel when we share issues.  Or women who have never been a SM or have never lived with skids telling us how to deal with steplife.

yes, every group can say those outside the group don't understand.  Doesn't mean we can't try and understand our own ignorance of their experience.

mrsd2013
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2016 at 12:58 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree with Lee

I'm not divorced but I don't get most of the article. I have had my in laws say things like that about ss. I thought is was dumb but didn't give it much brain power.

I was curious if this is how divorced people feel though.
Griselda_Blanco
by on Apr. 8, 2016 at 1:00 PM

yeah

no

mrsd2013
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2016 at 1:08 PM
1 mom liked this
I can't imagine having to share my child. Since bf dropped out when ds was 3 I never really had too. I try to sympathize with bm in that point.

My moms group and I are reading a motherhood book. The pint I'm getting so far is that there is no right or wrong way to be 'mom' and not one of us has it all together.

We all need to remember that judgements of ourselves and others are relative. And not to give them much power.


Quoting pdxmum:

I totally get where this author is coming from.  None of my closest friends are divorced.  All have intact families.  I have had to have these conversations.  Not that my friends were not receptive or supportive, but they had no clue.  Why should they?  I had no clue until I lived it.

Probably all of us thought we knew how to be a better mom than the moms around us before we had kids.  We learned quickly how silly we were to feel that way once we had kids though.

I think the key here is that we really have no clue what it is like to walk in another person's life experience shoes and we should think about that when we make suggestions or offer advice.

We see it here all the time with new as well as long time posters.  Women who have never experienced divorce, have never had to send their children off with daddy every weekend telling us how we should behave and feel when we share issues.  Or women who have never been a SM or have never lived with skids telling us how to deal with steplife.

yes, every group can say those outside the group don't understand.  Doesn't mean we can't try and understand our own ignorance of their experience.

tiafez
by Platinum Member on Apr. 8, 2016 at 1:25 PM
1 mom liked this

once upon a time... I was the single parent to two sons. Two sons who decided to be involved in sports and all they had was me to cheer for them. I was the only divorced mom, the only solo mom, the only sports mom in a crowd of sports dads. All my married friends told me how to do things but their way wasn't anything like my reality. It's easy to understand why someone would feel the way that author did. I look at you ladies here as I do my other friends, none of us are identical so we can't possibly expect things to be done the way we think they should. 

JustOneAndDone
by on Apr. 8, 2016 at 1:47 PM
1 mom liked this

I totally relate to this (though the whole "let's go online and rant about every little thing that bothers us" schtick is getting SO old.

I can't tell you how many times friends have said "oh, can't you just get a sitter?" to me.  Or "can you switch with your ex?" like it's that easy.

I don't, however, get angry or feel the need to let the internet know how wrong this is.  I simply say no, it's not that easy, but next weekend I'm free, let's do something then!

Like PDX said.... no one knows until they've lived it.  NBD.  You just say no, explain why, friend says "oh, never thought about that!" and then you move on.

This article IMO is making a big deal over nothing.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Apr. 8, 2016 at 2:08 PM

I am not divorced and I wouldn't say any of this to anyone, I wouldn't assume she even had a husband in the picture either which makes her in a different position to an actual single parent.

Quoting mrsd2013: I agree with Lee I'm not divorced but I don't get most of the article. I have had my in laws say things like that about ss. I thought is was dumb but didn't give it much brain power. I was curious if this is how divorced people feel though.


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Apr. 8, 2016 at 2:14 PM

Exactly, even as a BM you didn't have to share your child, yet people assume that only a SM in an intact situation wouldn't be able to relate. 

We are all in unique situations, we haven't walked in each other's shoes so it would be good if we all aren't so judgmental but that isn't going to happen so we just need to ignore what is nonsense.

Quoting mrsd2013: I can't imagine having to share my child. Since bf dropped out when ds was 3 I never really had too. I try to sympathize with bm in that point. My moms group and I are reading a motherhood book. The pint I'm getting so far is that there is no right or wrong way to be 'mom' and not one of us has it all together. We all need to remember that judgements of ourselves and others are relative. And not to give them much power.
Quoting pdxmum:

I totally get where this author is coming from.  None of my closest friends are divorced.  All have intact families.  I have had to have these conversations.  Not that my friends were not receptive or supportive, but they had no clue.  Why should they?  I had no clue until I lived it.

Probably all of us thought we knew how to be a better mom than the moms around us before we had kids.  We learned quickly how silly we were to feel that way once we had kids though.

I think the key here is that we really have no clue what it is like to walk in another person's life experience shoes and we should think about that when we make suggestions or offer advice.

We see it here all the time with new as well as long time posters.  Women who have never experienced divorce, have never had to send their children off with daddy every weekend telling us how we should behave and feel when we share issues.  Or women who have never been a SM or have never lived with skids telling us how to deal with steplife.

yes, every group can say those outside the group don't understand.  Doesn't mean we can't try and understand our own ignorance of their experience.


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

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