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New Tension with the 15yr old! Argh....

Posted by on Apr. 11, 2016 at 1:49 PM
  • 15 Replies

I live with a full time 15yr old SS and his father, the father is all about me disciplining the child, but now the child is afraid to ask me anything due to the fact that he thinks i will yell, which i don't yell while disciplining the child so i'm not sure where he got that. Things are just very awkward when we are together.....for example, the child gets home from school first, than I come home from work, about 30 minutes after and than the father about an hour and a half after that, so SS and myself are home alone together for about 2 hrs, well he either stays in his room the entire time until his father gets home or when he does come down we say hi and that's it, but for some reason you could cut the tension with a knife.....his mother is an entirely different story, she abandoned the kid when he was about 11 and moved out of state for about a year or so, came back, saw the kid when it was convenient for her. Well now she moved again closer to town and all of a sudden the child has been sleeping over every weekend for about a month or so now, which is fine, but I know she is very manipulative and emotionally damaging the child so could it be her chirping in the child's ear that is making all the tension or is it me.......? It's so difficult, and the child has such a negative attitude and talks back about everything you ask him....it's driving me nuts.....what can I do?

by on Apr. 11, 2016 at 1:49 PM
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Replies (1-10):
hotspice58
by Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 1:51 PM
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It's a number of things: The actions of his mother.  He may feel he's betraying her if he gets too close to you.  Also, the fact that she did leave.  He  may have it in his head that you'll do the same thing.  And then, there's puberty/teenagehood.  

jpickens
by Gold Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 2:07 PM
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How long were you guys together before you were thrown into a disciplinary role? And where there other more positive interactions to balance that out?

tiafez
by Platinum Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 2:45 PM
1 mom liked this

MaybeDad shouldn't put the discipline on you. Maybe he should handle it? 

jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 2:49 PM
1 mom liked this

I have ODS18 and YDS13.  Seriously, until you brought up BM you were describing my home, with my own kids, sometimes!  It's the age.  I'm sure BM coming in/out of his life doesn't help much but my home is my boys home and they aren't terribly close to BF, but even they need the 'down time' and walk in, barely say hello, and barricade themselves in a room for hours at a time.  Their friends do similiar things (us moms talk on occasion too). 

15 - 17 were the WORST with ODS.  I'm not looking forward to that with YDS (he's still 'nice' more often than not).  I've told ODS18 that the ONLY reason he survived 15-17 was because he was still cute (and quiet) when he slept. ;)  Well, that, and I look terrible in orange. ;)  LOL 

viv212
by Bronze Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 2:55 PM
I think that when the step parent is thrown into the discipline role, it builds resentment from the stepkid. Maybe it'll work if you meet the child when he was 5 or something, otherwise it wouldn't work.
SammysMomma
by on Apr. 11, 2016 at 4:38 PM
Is father your dh? How long have y'all been together???
whatIknownow
by on Apr. 11, 2016 at 5:12 PM
2 moms liked this

Your husband put his son in a very difficult position. 

I think the best thing you can do is stop trying to be the authority figure in the house. Let his father have that role. Obviously it has driven your SS away from you. Just be nice to him, be helpful and friendly. See if that helps improve your relationship.

redsheart_7
by on Apr. 11, 2016 at 9:26 PM
1 mom liked this

acusatis: I am sorry that you are feeling so bewildered right now. The teen years are difficult at best, let alone the dynamics of blended families. You certainly have your hands and heart full, right now with your SS. It is wonderful to hear that you are seeking advice - many Step parents just quit; and that is devastating for children, and you! So, pat yourself on the back for reaching out.  I am attaching an article that I recently read, that may prove helpful for you and your husband. Have patience, pray, encourage and love unconditionaly... someday - it will have its rewards. I know because that is what it took from my husband to have a relationship with my daughter - Now ... he is Dad to her!

http://bit.ly/1qEX5hO

Shabby_Chic
by Silver Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 9:30 PM

Abandonment by mom, dad not handling things in his home and having you do it, him being 15. Those are things that are contributing to the situation. 

jpickens
by Gold Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 11:56 PM
2 moms liked this

I agree. It really sets the SP and child up for failure.  Even with small kids, it doesn't work so well.   I get teenagers can be pretty shitty at that age but damn.  Unless OP is much stricter than the father,  the dad should have enough dicipline in place that any adult can supervise him without barking orders to the point that the kid just stays the hell away. 

Tough situation. 


Quoting viv212: I think that when the step parent is thrown into the discipline role, it builds resentment from the stepkid. Maybe it'll work if you meet the child when he was 5 or something, otherwise it wouldn't work.


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