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Feeling alone in my mixed family

Posted by on Apr. 20, 2016 at 8:26 PM
  • 21 Replies
My boyfriend and I have been together for four years this June we moved in together last August. I have a son eight and he has two twin daughters age ten. His ex wife calls everyday and dictates our life. I feel like he never sticks up for us. When we have the girls she sometimes calls as many as eight times a day. I feel like we can never grow as a family or have our time. His ex has stated that to him that it is not our time that it is just his time that I have no time with them. His mom and his ex are still close and if his ex doesn't like something he is doing she will call her and tell her all about it. Then his mom will call my bf and say well I can she why she says that. His ex makes mean comments about me and does not see me as a part of the girls life. I don't know how stop letting her get to me so I can focus on building our future. I hate feeling unimportant, lost, hurt, and alone.
by on Apr. 20, 2016 at 8:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mrsd2013
by Gold Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 8:34 PM
How you expressed your feelings to your boyfriend? What does he say about it?
whatIknownow
by on Apr. 20, 2016 at 8:45 PM

well, technically it is "his time." Why would you have "time"? I mean, they are not your kids.

I am sure it's annoying that your boyfriend has to recieve so many calls from mom. But that's for him to fix. You could try telling him to take the calls in another room, or let them go to voicemail if they are disruptive.

if the mother "dictates his life", that's  a boyfriend problem.

jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 8:46 PM

I'm sorry, this sounds frustrating, but I think your frustration is aimed at the wrong person.  Work with your bf and find out from him if he's willing/able to stand up for himself, to both BM and his own BM.  If not, if he's not able/willing to tell them to butt out when he has the kids, then I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to stay in that relationship. 

How old are you? How old is bf?  How much visitation does he have with his girls?  What is his relationship like with his BM (when not discussing his girls and BMs wishes)?  Has he always been controlled by these women?  Has he stated why he allows this to continue? 

How are you trying to be a part of the girls lives? 

whatIknownow
by on Apr. 20, 2016 at 8:47 PM

Can you elaborate on what you mean by she "dicates your life?" Can you give an example?

JMD84
by New Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 8:57 PM
I am 31 and he his 42. He has them every other weekend and Sunday over night on our weekend plus a Wednesday overnight and Tuesday's till bed time. I have my son all the time except every other weekend. His be will call and act like his ex didn't call and ask questions but I know she is doing that because the girls bm just called her. I keep telling him that things need to change or we need to go talk to someone and he will say if you have a problem with the girls bm then tell her about it or the same thing with his bm. I do so much for the girls I help them with homework make dinner do laundry buy them new clothes sit and talk with them. Tuck them in at night, take them to school some mornings.
teri4lance
by on Apr. 20, 2016 at 9:01 PM
1 mom liked this

well at this point you are just his girlfriend. you aren't their family unless you are his wife. but to me, it doesn't sound like he's that invested if he won't take a stand for his children and his home life or marry you after 4 years. 

JMD84
by New Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 9:04 PM
She will sometimes make plans for our weekends for the girls, tell us before we pick where we want to go on vacation we have to ask her first before him and I even pick someone where she has to know first with him to approve it. she will come over if either of the girls are not feeling well like cold, sinus infection, she has even layed in me and my bf bed. She will ask how we payed for our new van telling my bf his credit score is worse than hers.
mrsd2013
by Gold Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 9:09 PM
I don't understand what they could have to talk about multiple times a day....

I would also like to know what she dictates.

Sounds to me like major boundaries issues. I would not be ok with these things either. But if your boyfriend doesn't see a problem, I'm not sure there is much you can do. But question if this is a situation you really want to be involved with... You're not married...
jpickens
by Gold Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 9:32 PM

And she can break up with him for free.  That would be the best option for me. 

Quoting mrsd2013: I don't understand what they could have to talk about multiple times a day.... I would also like to know what she dictates. Sounds to me like major boundaries issues. I would not be ok with these things either. But if your boyfriend doesn't see a problem, I'm not sure there is much you can do. But question if this is a situation you really want to be involved with... You're not married...


mrsd2013
by Gold Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 10:04 PM
Why is it bugging you now? After 4 years?
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