Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Which kids come first?

Posted by on Aug. 4, 2016 at 11:47 PM
  • 68 Replies

Which kids come first in your home?

The kids that live in the home? your kids? his kids? Your non custodial bios?

Would it be acceptable for a parent to tell the OP that the kids that live with them come first?  Does it matter if the kids can see that they don't come first to their parent?

Is it even realistic to think that all kids of a parent - no matter where they live- get equal resources?

by on Aug. 4, 2016 at 11:47 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
luckyinlife
by on Aug. 4, 2016 at 11:50 PM
4 moms liked this
Needs are met on an as needed basis. Recently child #3 got new shoes. The other kids didn't need shoes so they didn't get any. That's how it goes. All kids live here though so I can't compare.
codysara
by Platinum Member on Aug. 5, 2016 at 1:45 AM
1 mom liked this
It's mostly a rotation. This week all 6 got new clothes, but I will only be taking niece school Supply shopping. I asked bm to take ss and I would just pay her, and I paid my bk's school/sports fees so bf will cover their supplies.
In all honesty I might even make her brother take her and just give him my debit card since I have a few weeks of recovery left.
Yes, the kids are all treated equally. That doesn't mean if 1 of them needs something that everyone else gets the same thing just to seem fair at that moment. It all balances out eventually
mischele
by Bronze Member on Aug. 5, 2016 at 1:59 AM
Well to me our kids come first bc they live here but to dh ss should always come first. Bc of dh thinking I'm all my kids have.
pusheen-kitty
by Battler on Aug. 5, 2016 at 3:41 AM
1 mom liked this
Because this is SMC, I'd reckon the BM only group for the most part would say: the kids before SM come first
chanizen
by on Aug. 5, 2016 at 6:13 AM
1 mom liked this
My kids come first with me. They are my primary responsibility. Of course I will help with the stepkids when I am asked to do so or when there is a need. Sometimes my oldest dd gets more of my time because I am the parent she lives with.

Dh's kids come first with him. Same with him. Sometimes ss gets more of his time because he is ss's parent:

All of the kids have 2 parents alive and contributing. Everyone has what they need. The oldest kids are teens:
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Aug. 5, 2016 at 7:13 AM
2 moms liked this
Our children that live with us come first as we are both present all the time to see and attend to all their needs.

Being NCP to one child limits your impact and ability to fully provide for that child. In comparing with children that live with you, yes, those that live with you all the time will come first.
mrsd2013
by Gold Member on Aug. 5, 2016 at 7:14 AM
All children are equal in my home. LO requires more attention because he's a baby but they are all just as important. Bm might say I put my kids first. But it not sure. Ss requires more attention then ds, for example. Ss might feel we put LO first but he's a child and doesn't fully understand things yet.

Perspective.
mrsd2013
by Gold Member on Aug. 5, 2016 at 7:53 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree, it's all about perspective. Bm has told Dh that I don't put ss's needs first, therefore do t treat him right. Ss is her only child so of coarse his wants are given more often there. I have three children and a dog to care for so needs and wants are weighed acordingly.

Basically, just because sm doesn't jump when sk says so doesn't mean she doesn't love or care about them.

Kids needs are meant as needed in my home. Their wants are not always given.


Quoting pusheen-kitty: Because this is SMC, I'd reckon the BM only group for the most part would say: the kids before SM come first
Polkadotted
by Platinum Member on Aug. 5, 2016 at 8:30 AM
Well this came up because DH called her out on posting and posting about all the stuff she got for her second to youngest and not even sending a card to these three. BM told DH she couldn't do for all 5 and everybody need to understand that the two that live with her come first.

Quoting pusheen-kitty: Because this is SMC, I'd reckon the BM only group for the most part would say: the kids before SM come first
Polkadotted
by Platinum Member on Aug. 5, 2016 at 8:32 AM
It's needs based for us, too. But all of our kids live with us and we are the only ones who deal with the wants and needs.

Quoting codysara: It's mostly a rotation. This week all 6 got new clothes, but I will only be taking niece school Supply shopping. I asked bm to take ss and I would just pay her, and I paid my bk's school/sports fees so bf will cover their supplies.
In all honesty I might even make her brother take her and just give him my debit card since I have a few weeks of recovery left.
Yes, the kids are all treated equally. That doesn't mean if 1 of them needs something that everyone else gets the same thing just to seem fair at that moment. It all balances out eventually
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)