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Teenagers

Posted by on Aug. 18, 2016 at 11:51 AM
  • 17 Replies

So, DH and I have been married 6 yrs, together for 9.  The kids were small when we were first together but now they are SD17, DS15, SS15, DD12--they all live with us.  I have found that in the past few years I have been very unhappy doing things with all the kids together.  I am fine one-on-one and I'm fine when we are at the house, but if I go out to dinner with 2 or more kids or go on a trip with all the kids I am finding that I'm pretty miserable.

I feel like this with when I'm going somewhere with just my 2 kids too, although it is not as bad because I have the bio filter.

This past weekend I took DD and DS out to dinner with just me and it was not pleasant.  It was OK, I guess.  A few months ago the whole family (me, DH and 4 kids) went on a 4 day trip to NYC.  While I liked some of the things that we did while we were there, I was just miserable, in general. 

This summer we haven't all gone on vacation mainly because the kids were so busy, but DH and I went away together for 5 days and it was AWESOME.  I think that I did much better when I had younger kids and the goal was to keep them busy and make sure they were fed.  Now, I'm dealing with the teenage attitude, complaining about every little thing (I'm hungry, no I don't like anything they have here), no one can agree on what we are doing, the kids bicker.  And the car rides have just been hellish with the kids either obnoxiously singing too loud or complaining that they can't sleep because others are being noisy.

So, I've been avoiding going on any trips (even just overnight) with DH and the SKs.  SD just mentioned all of use going on one of her college interviews and then going to an amusement park for the day, and I'm getting this anxious feeling.

Any ideas for me?  Any thoughts that would be helpful?

by on Aug. 18, 2016 at 11:51 AM
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jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 12:11 PM
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This has been my life for a couple of years now.  I have ODS18 and YDS14.  I'm fine individually but the 'pleasing everyone' is now gone.  ODS complained he hasn't been on 'vacation' in a few years, yet it was HIS schedule that prevented him going, and his lack of desire to go with the family (and complaining about everything and everyone, and well, the list is actually longer than that).  I laughed though, as he's 18 and had his FIRST job this summer (mainly due to his EC in previous years) but told him that his entire LIFE has been a vacation, so get over it!  ;)  YDS14 is 'suddenly' busy all the time (this is good, he's my misfit kid but has finally found some places he fits in so he's suddenly having to make decisions and choices now that he has more options).   YDS also complained about 'no vacation' but didn't like the long weekends we've tried.  Oh, well buddy.  Stop complaining and others will want you around.  ;) 

Teenagers just suck sometimes.  My boys have always been like oil and water with each other.  It's exhausting sometimes. 

SM22222
by Bronze Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 12:34 PM

It really helps to hear that I am not the only one with these issues. 

Quoting jules2boys:

This has been my life for a couple of years now.  I have ODS18 and YDS14.  I'm fine individually but the 'pleasing everyone' is now gone.  ODS complained he hasn't been on 'vacation' in a few years, yet it was HIS schedule that prevented him going, and his lack of desire to go with the family (and complaining about everything and everyone, and well, the list is actually longer than that).  I laughed though, as he's 18 and had his FIRST job this summer (mainly due to his EC in previous years) but told him that his entire LIFE has been a vacation, so get over it!  ;)  YDS14 is 'suddenly' busy all the time (this is good, he's my misfit kid but has finally found some places he fits in so he's suddenly having to make decisions and choices now that he has more options).   YDS also complained about 'no vacation' but didn't like the long weekends we've tried.  Oh, well buddy.  Stop complaining and others will want you around.  ;) 

Teenagers just suck sometimes.  My boys have always been like oil and water with each other.  It's exhausting sometimes. 


BasketCaseAnn
by Bronze Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 12:59 PM
I'm sorry, sounds like you might need some space for a while. I think it's normal to get overwhelmed sometimes or just need a time out. Maybe you can talk to DH about taking the kids out for a night or weekend and you stay home or have a girls night out. Or you can have plans to visit a friend and stay at a nice hotel somewhere for a couple days getting some rest. Or maybe planning a romantic getaway for you and DH and leaving the kids home for a weekend. There's a lot of options that might help but you seem like you really need some space right now and you should take that.
jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 1:11 PM
2 moms liked this

You aren't.  :)  The only thing I've found that helps in my situation is NOT trying to force 'togetherness' with the boys.  It's perfectly OK to do things one on one (esp with teens as they're so often busy with their OWN things to do with their friends, school, sports/ECs, etc.), and this reduces the stress on ME too.  That said, I also try to balance it with them spending time with ME that don't just involve me being the walking ATM.  ;)  (example: just last week (2 weeks ago?), YDS14 and I went to a late lunch.  I work close to home.  He walked to my office, we went to lunch (sit down place, not fast food run in), we both put our phones down and actually chatted (couldn't tell you WHAT we chatted about, that wasn't important), laughed, shared food, etc.  Then I dropped him at xMILs to do something for her.  It was nice.  He's really good company when he's not full on in TEEN mode.  ;)   I've done the same with ODS18 but not as often lately. 

Maybe plan some time with each one of YOUR kids when the other has other plans?  

Sometimes I've taken ODS and a friend of his out and had dinner.  This is always enlightening!  ;) 

Quoting SM22222:

It really helps to hear that I am not the only one with these issues. 

Quoting jules2boys:

This has been my life for a couple of years now.  I have ODS18 and YDS14.  I'm fine individually but the 'pleasing everyone' is now gone.  ODS complained he hasn't been on 'vacation' in a few years, yet it was HIS schedule that prevented him going, and his lack of desire to go with the family (and complaining about everything and everyone, and well, the list is actually longer than that).  I laughed though, as he's 18 and had his FIRST job this summer (mainly due to his EC in previous years) but told him that his entire LIFE has been a vacation, so get over it!  ;)  YDS14 is 'suddenly' busy all the time (this is good, he's my misfit kid but has finally found some places he fits in so he's suddenly having to make decisions and choices now that he has more options).   YDS also complained about 'no vacation' but didn't like the long weekends we've tried.  Oh, well buddy.  Stop complaining and others will want you around.  ;) 

Teenagers just suck sometimes.  My boys have always been like oil and water with each other.  It's exhausting sometimes. 



tiafez
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 1:46 PM

I used to think my younger  son would choose c simply because his older brother chose d. they disagreed just to disagree and pciked at each other because they could. but woe to those who ever tried to go for one borther, then they were a two for one deal. teens are a special breed of human. all the emotions of an adult but none of the maturity. I'll freely admit, I liked them better when they were apart and I was glad when their chedules didn't mesh. It gave me time to savor each of them seperately. You will survive the teenaged years and someday you'll wonder why it was so tough. Just remember to breathe and keep in mind that this is every parent of tewo or more teends hell. 

oldproatthis
by Gold Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 1:55 PM
1 mom liked this
I am avoiding the teens in my house as much as I can lately...
I sure as hell will NOT be traveling with them. One life, WAY too short.
Love them to pieces, love myself more.
hotspice58
by Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 1:56 PM

Take some alone time.  My teens complain and it's nerve wracking!!  I know they'll grow out of it but still...

CampHarris
by Gold Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 2:09 PM
2 moms liked this
Our kids are teens and tweens, and I always dread going out with all four. My patience level for bullshit (or maybe just in general) has greatly decreased over the last decade, lol. I try to remember this too shall pass. You definitely aren't alone. :)
codysara
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 2:14 PM
2 moms liked this
We all love hanging out and going places together. The more the merrier.. but I do realize now, that my bunch is a different breed than most deal with.
I would prefer a week straight with all of them than a night out with people my age...I dislike most people.
socalpoppy
by on Aug. 19, 2016 at 4:02 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm glad other moms are speaking up so that you know that you aren't alone in how you feel.  It's obviously fairly normal and getting some space to yourself is a great idea.  But some of your words were triggers to me that sound like symptoms of depression: unhappy doing things, miserable, not pleasant, kids too loud, hellish, anxious.  Some of my symptoms of depression: lack of pleasure, irritation, noise intolerance, anxiety, lack of motivation.

I assume this is not the case with you, but you could google "depression quiz" and take an online test just to see how it turns out.  Hopefully you are just experiencing normal teen mom angst, but I felt like I should mention the possibility of depression.

I'm so glad that your time with your husband was awesome!  You guys can be a refuge to each other during these tough times and it's great for your kids to see that.

Good luck.  Mine are 16 and 18 years old and everyone says they will outgrow this stuff, but sometimes each day feels like forever, so that day seems like multiple forevers away.  You'll get there.  I will, too.

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