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How much do you or dh/so share with the ex about the kids?

Posted by on Sep. 7, 2016 at 9:44 PM
  • 98 Replies
I mean in sense of sending each other picture of kids, activities, trips special moments. Even if not getting along would you or would you not do it?
by on Sep. 7, 2016 at 9:44 PM
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by Ruby Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 10:09 PM
If BF had asked for anything, I would have sent. He never asked.

I have to certificates sitting on my kitchen table honoring both DDs dean's list achievement during their respective freshman and senior year. I suggested DD19 show her dad. I never would have suggested the same thing to DD22 because she is quite vocal that he has never once shown interest in her grades.
by Gold Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 10:18 PM
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Not a shitload of pictures, but they do share major stuff.  I have no idea with BM1.  I do not know how they do it, but they hardly ever fight.  I've known DH for 7 years and I've only seen them get irritated with each-other one time.  I have mediated when BM2 and DH have disagreements but they have gotten a lot better about getting along (knock on wood).

So, I guess the answer would be yes. 

by on Sep. 7, 2016 at 10:20 PM
My ex hasn't asked for anything concerning DD (or seen her for that matter) in 12 years. No point in sharing because he has no interest.
by New Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 10:23 PM
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I used to do a lot for my ex and my husband's ex. I would text pics and even made photo albums. By time the kids got into their teens I just stopped. I never heard thank you from either of them.
by Bronze Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 11:16 PM
We don't anymore. We used to, but BM deleted them because she does stuff like that. Then she demands we send pictures on our next outing.

We basically ignore her. If she wants pics of SD she can take them herself. Not our responsibility. We don't ask her for any either.
by Silver Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 11:21 PM
I used to. Most recent was when my son was in 3rd grade, now 8th, and I mentioned that he had placed at the state science fair and he got mad and asked me not to talk about him with his father.

He hadn't asked, I was just a proud mom and my son wanted him to show interest.
by on Sep. 7, 2016 at 11:21 PM
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I share regularly with exs mother. Pictures, medical issue, school activities, report cards. He doesn't care but dd and exs mother have a great relationship and I'll gladly send whatever she asks for regarding dd.
by Platinum Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 11:23 PM
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I don't care what is happening between bf and i, I will send pictures of the kids if it is something he missed. Not of any vacations we have, but more school associated
by New Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 11:30 PM
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Dh and I used to send pics, invites, and info to bm. But she doesn't call or respond so we don't waste our time. Only if dd requests, but she doesn't very often.
by Bronze Member on Sep. 8, 2016 at 7:31 AM
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I used to send tons of pictures (DH has been sick for years, I have been primary parent-- not an antagonistic thing, just the way our family functioned). I quit for all the same reasons featured here, that she never said thank you and I was afraid I was twisting the knife. BM in our situation has been openly cruel and difficult not just towards me, but towards DSD for having anything to do with me (not that she wanted to take her-- even for her court ordered time. I always wondered if she wanted DSD to just disappear outside of the 3-5 days she saw her a month).

But there's a post script. We've been doing this for roughly seven years now, and after a rough and rocky seven year take-off, BM has become weirdly communicative and interested. She's started asking questions for the first time. Taking time off on important events for DSD. It's been about a month, so who knows what's going to happen. BUT, I'm trying to approach every situation with kindness, and beyond that, if I'm not open and available when she is acting in a good, positive way for DSD, then it's at least partially my fault when it shuts down. So BM and I are back in communication. ONLY about DSD. But I have sent pictures. And she has asked for some. Because she's asking, I'm sending her even more events and notices. And she's shown up to two events that weren't on her time since July, which is a record. She has a weird work schedule too-- so I'm working on being more understanding at my core while modeling that understanding with my words. I'm trying to complain less. If she can stay like this, it would be so good for DSD. And honestly, it would make my life easier to not feel like I was at war.

So in short: now that she is communicative, I opened the communication up to anything she was interested in. That seems to mean pictures too. It's made it a lot easier to be genuinely kind and positive, and it's been good to see DSD's face when I share messages from her mom. I anticipate in the next three years, DSD will get a cell phone and I won't be the go-between. Sweet. Until then, if it's recieved with the kindness it is meant, I'll keep sending.
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