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Frustrated with BM.....

Posted by on Oct. 22, 2016 at 10:20 PM
  • 24 Replies

Lord it's been a weekend and it's only Saturday!

A little back story: My 13 y/o SD moved in with us last Christmas. She has visited her mom 4 times since then. She is made to feel different and an outcast at her mom's. Her step-dad teases her and encourages the other kids around to do the same. BM has refused to work, but constantly asks for more money even though we pay for all the kids extras (C/O says 50/50). My oldest SD (17) has been in band since Jr. High. Her mom has NEVER shown up for anything. My DH and I travel often for her competitions. 

Last weekend was our weekend. we picked up kids on Friday and then on Saturday drove an hour to see oldest at a competition and brought her home with us. On Sunday my DH received a FB message from her BF saying he felt she needed a hug, he said it wasn't him but he loves her and felt DH should be aware and he should talk to her. It was obvious she had been crying, but said she had spoken to her mom and everything was good. She and I went to the store and chatted a bit. She informed me she needed us to drop her off at her BFs house and I joked that I assumed that already since lately that's where she gets dropped off. She laughed, it lead to me finding out that she sometimes sleeps there (and has apparently been on birth control for 3 mos now).

Fastforward to Thursday. BFs mom messages DH and informs him that SD has been staying with them and she's encouraged SD to talk to him. SD calls and tells DH that she couldn't take the fighting with her step-dad anymore that it was continuously getting worse and that their fighting was causing fighting between her and BM as well as BM and step-dad. The closest to details he could get was that nothing physical had happened. BM hasn't had a single conversation with BFs mom, she never informed DH (hoping to continue CS as long as possible)

I'm sorry but if this were 1 of my daughters things would go a whole Hell of a lot differently. 

We're making a lot of phone calls come Monday. We want CPS to do a well check, if SD doesn't feel safe we need to find out why. We also need to find out if SS (15) would be better with us. If things stay the way they are we want a modification of CS. If DH has custody of one child and BM has custody of child, CS should be cancelled out. They both should be providing something to BFs mom. BM doesn't agree to that, she thinks she should be owed CS for SS, but that she should not have to support SD. Craziness!!

Just needed to get that off my chest and see if anyone has any advice.....

by on Oct. 22, 2016 at 10:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
luvmy002girls
by Member on Oct. 22, 2016 at 10:42 PM

bump


fedupmama
by Silver Member on Oct. 22, 2016 at 10:57 PM
Is there an income difference? Depending on the state that could impact cs.
luvmy002girls
by Member on Oct. 22, 2016 at 11:04 PM

Yes there is an income difference. I know when my Ex and I split we had 50/50 but because he made a good  bit more than I he ended up paying me CS. My lawyer did say that the judge would require me to be working full time though. 

We have zero issue providing for the kids. She owes us for braces and dance for SD that we haven't seen a dime for. It's not about the money, it's about the idea that to her, SD doesn't deserve support from BM. 

soonergirl980
by Platinum Member on Oct. 22, 2016 at 11:07 PM

how many sk do you have?

fedupmama
by Silver Member on Oct. 22, 2016 at 11:08 PM
Well, if your DH makes more than BM he may be required to pay cs, depends on the state. It may be offset some but maybe not.

Quoting luvmy002girls:

Yes there is an income difference. I know when my Ex and I split we had 50/50 but because he made a good  bit more than I he ended up paying me CS. My lawyer did say that the judge would require me to be working full time though. 

We have zero issue providing for the kids. She owes us for braces and dance for SD that we haven't seen a dime for. It's not about the money, it's about the idea that to her, SD doesn't deserve support from BM. 

luvmy002girls
by Member on Oct. 22, 2016 at 11:17 PM


Quoting soonergirl980:

how many sk do you have?

4 in all. 

3 with one and 1 with another.

luvmy002girls
by Member on Oct. 22, 2016 at 11:18 PM

He definitely makes more considering she doesn't work.....

Quoting fedupmama: Well, if your DH makes more than BM he may be required to pay cs, depends on the state. It may be offset some but maybe not.
Quoting luvmy002girls:

Yes there is an income difference. I know when my Ex and I split we had 50/50 but because he made a good  bit more than I he ended up paying me CS. My lawyer did say that the judge would require me to be working full time though. 

We have zero issue providing for the kids. She owes us for braces and dance for SD that we haven't seen a dime for. It's not about the money, it's about the idea that to her, SD doesn't deserve support from BM. 


fedupmama
by Silver Member on Oct. 22, 2016 at 11:27 PM
Well there you go. They will likely impute an income. How many kids does this bm and dh have? How many live with her?

Quoting luvmy002girls:

He definitely makes more considering she doesn't work.....

Quoting fedupmama: Well, if your DH makes more than BM he may be required to pay cs, depends on the state. It may be offset some but maybe not.

Quoting luvmy002girls:

Yes there is an income difference. I know when my Ex and I split we had 50/50 but because he made a good  bit more than I he ended up paying me CS. My lawyer did say that the judge would require me to be working full time though. 

We have zero issue providing for the kids. She owes us for braces and dance for SD that we haven't seen a dime for. It's not about the money, it's about the idea that to her, SD doesn't deserve support from BM. 

luvmy002girls
by Member on Oct. 22, 2016 at 11:33 PM

They have 3 together. SD17 moved in with BF. SS15 lives with mom and SD13 lives with us. 


Quoting fedupmama: Well there you go. They will likely impute an income. How many kids does this bm and dh have? How many live with her?
Quoting luvmy002girls:

He definitely makes more considering she doesn't work.....

Quoting fedupmama: Well, if your DH makes more than BM he may be required to pay cs, depends on the state. It may be offset some but maybe not.
Quoting luvmy002girls:

Yes there is an income difference. I know when my Ex and I split we had 50/50 but because he made a good  bit more than I he ended up paying me CS. My lawyer did say that the judge would require me to be working full time though. 

We have zero issue providing for the kids. She owes us for braces and dance for SD that we haven't seen a dime for. It's not about the money, it's about the idea that to her, SD doesn't deserve support from BM. 


Shabby_Chic
by Silver Member on Oct. 22, 2016 at 11:51 PM

Why money even something you'd be thinking about if your true concern was the safety of the kids? 

Here I am with an ex who wants to not support the kids at all and I'm all "okay" because I want the kids with me due to the situation and here you are talking about child support IN CASE something happens.

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