Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

LindaZ28

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2017 at 4:16 PM
  • 16 Replies
Hi I'm a new step mom with 4 teenage girls I needs lots of advise ... thank
by on Jan. 18, 2017 at 4:16 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
codysara
by Platinum Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 5:33 PM
Hi and welcome to the group!
Are the kids all stepkids? What kind of issues are you having that you would like advice on?
NearSeattleMom
by on Jan. 18, 2017 at 6:35 PM

Are all four stepkids?  What ages?

Quoting LindaZ28: Hi I'm a new step mom with 4 teenage girls I needs lots of advise ... thank


jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 7:11 PM

Welcome to the group.

How old are the girls? How often are they in your home? How 'new' are you?  How long have BM and BF been separated/divorced?  Do you have any kids of your own? 

What sort of advice are you looking for? 

LindaZ28
by New Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 8:43 PM
The girls r 20, 18, 16, 12... their mom passed away 7 years ago from breast cancer .. I have them 24/7... I've been married since May... my first marriage .. no children of my own ... i have so many concerns ... don't know where to begin ... I do know that I must build our relationships and that takes time ..
jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 8:55 PM
1 mom liked this

Are you the first serious relationship their BF has had since his late wife passed away? 

Honestly, at their ages, I'd say to not focus so much on being their 'SM' but focus on being their dads wife, follow his lead, and go from there.  There isn't much influence or 'parenting' to do with the 20 or 18yo girls, and the 16 yo, depending on her level of maturity and how BF has handled things up to now, may not be much there either.  The 12yo, well, again, it depends on what BF has already set in place for what your role may/may not be in her life too. 

How long did you and BF date before you married him?  How much of an age difference is there between you and BF, between you and the girls?  How involved with them were  you prior to marriage?  And, what did you and BF discuss, prior to marriage, your role would be?  Was this also discussed with the girls or just between the two of you? 

Sorry for all of the questions, but knowing some of this, and questions I'm sure others will have, will help us help you better.  Otherwise we only have our own experiences (or guesses) to go by. 

Again, welcome.  You've certainly got a houseful there!  It's not a situation I'd have stepped into myself. 

Quoting LindaZ28: The girls r 20, 18, 16, 12... their mom passed away 7 years ago from breast cancer .. I have them 24/7... I've been married since May... my first marriage .. no children of my own ... i have so many concerns ... don't know where to begin ... I do know that I must build our relationships and that takes time ..


babyboxfish
by on Jan. 18, 2017 at 9:22 PM

welcome!! what do you need advice on?

LindaZ28
by New Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 9:33 PM
Great questions .. thank you.. BF and I are 53.. we dated 3 years before getting married .. we have discussed so many topics even went to a few council secessions ... his expectations for me r to be engaged in their lives and make dinner .. I'm wondering since you advised to focus on my marriage first and SM 2nd is the approach I felt I should be taking but was feeling guilty if I put girls first. Plus by doing that I started getting in way over my head and when I couldn't do all the super human things I was expecting myself to do , I was feeling a sense of failure which leads to miscommunication and misunderstanding ... our conversations prior to marriage were always between BF and I ... BF and girls ... very rarely as a family ...
LindaZ28
by New Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 9:38 PM
Also at the beginning I was present but not very vocal .. by that I mean I would attend when invited and offered to help out once in a while but never overbearing ... one time BF mentioned that the girls felt I didn't want to be engaged with them ... especially coming from the 16 year old ... she is the most outspoken to her father and most critical ...
BasketCaseAnn
by Bronze Member on Jan. 19, 2017 at 3:05 AM
Welcome Linda. I'd really suggest just focusing on your husband. I'm sure he's got a system for the kids that's worked for years and you can just be there if asked to help. Nothing wrong with planning a family movie night or board game night to help bond though. Gaming helps us a lot.
codysara
by Platinum Member on Jan. 19, 2017 at 9:00 AM
Do all of the kids still live at home?
Are they working or going to school?
Do they see bm's side of their family still?

Quoting LindaZ28: Also at the beginning I was present but not very vocal .. by that I mean I would attend when invited and offered to help out once in a while but never overbearing ... one time BF mentioned that the girls felt I didn't want to be engaged with them ... especially coming from the 16 year old ... she is the most outspoken to her father and most critical ...
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)