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Bad Stepmom?

Posted by on Feb. 21, 2017 at 8:16 AM
  • 90 Replies

Is a wife a bad stepmother if she doesn't want the responsibility of babysitting a stepchild?

The stepmother likes the stepchild but she just doesn't want to do the childcare if her husband is not home.





Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

by on Feb. 21, 2017 at 8:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 8:21 AM
6 moms liked this

No

Just like Grandma and Grandpa are not bad grandparents for refusing to babysit.

Eternity807
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 8:22 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't think it makes her a bad stepmother at all.  It makes her open and honest about her feelings and she shouldn't feel pressured to do something she doesn't want to do.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 8:26 AM

If she has her own children in the house that she is caring for, would that still hold?


Quoting Tigress22304:

No

Just like Grandma and Grandpa are not bad grandparents for refusing to babysit.


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 8:34 AM
3 moms liked this

Yes. I've done it myself.

You know Princess is with me full time....there were plenty of times DH would tell BM to drop the kids off to me and I would tell her no. Thankfully she understood and never demanded a reason.

He on the other hand would have a hissy fit...but ya know me-no fucks given.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

If she has her own children in the house that she is caring for, would that still hold?


Quoting Tigress22304:

No

Just like Grandma and Grandpa are not bad grandparents for refusing to babysit.



leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 9:08 AM

You would think that is a pretty logical way to think, yet I have seen people say SM is a bad stepmom for not wanting to babysit and the child is a package deal, etc, etc

Quoting Eternity807:

I don't think it makes her a bad stepmother at all.  It makes her open and honest about her feelings and she shouldn't feel pressured to do something she doesn't want to do.


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

Eternity807
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 10:55 AM
3 moms liked this

I'm a CSM and a NCSM.  My younger SS is custodial.  I don't consider watching him babysitting.  I have been in his life since birth.  My older SS is non-custodial.  I would consider watching him babysitting when he was younger.  He's a teen now so it's really just supervising.  My expectation has always been with him, if dad can't be there, he should be with his mom.  With younger SS, mom is very hands off and DH wouldn't be able to do his job (he is almost always on call) if he needed to constantly find a babysitter for him at the drop of a hat.  I don't consider it babysitting.  But that's a decision we made together when my DH took his job. 

Quoting leegirl_jm:

You would think that is a pretty logical way to think, yet I have seen people say SM is a bad stepmom for not wanting to babysit and the child is a package deal, etc, etc

Quoting Eternity807:

I don't think it makes her a bad stepmother at all.  It makes her open and honest about her feelings and she shouldn't feel pressured to do something she doesn't want to do.


Oliviasmom72
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 11:06 AM
1 mom liked this

It doesnt make you a great Step mom. Why wouldnt you watch a step kid if your kids are home and you have to watch them anyways? You really would tell the husband No?

codysara
by Platinum Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 11:12 AM
3 moms liked this
This is JUST ME and my situation..
Yes, I would feel like an awful wife to my husband if I refused to care for ss. I don't consider it babysitting either when it's "our" time. I did watch ss for bm for about 9 months while she went to school on her time, but again, it really didn't seem like babysitting because he is a welcome member of the family.

This was a discussion between my dh and I though when we decided that I would return to being a sahm, and all parties were in agreement.
jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 11:30 AM
3 moms liked this

No, marrying a man with children doesn't mean automatic live in babysitter for his previous children.  If that's the way BF and SM WANT to handle their situation, more power to them, but nothing in the marriage vows says that SM now must be the live in babysitter. 

My question, if this situation arose, would be what BF and SM discussed and agreed to PRIOR to marrying.  If they were both up front and honest about what their expectations were where the kids were (and weren't) concerned, this wouldn't/shouldn't be an issue after marriage.  When assumptions are made, by one or both parties, this is where issues tend to arise. IMO anyway. 

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 21, 2017 at 12:05 PM

Different reasons starting with SM is parenting her children versus babysitting that is done with stepchildren, very different functions and activities. They could be a major age difference between step and bio children, there could be a special needs also which any additional children will just unreasonably add to the burden.

I would tell my husband no because I don't babysit at all, generally I am not a kid person, with my own children it is different since they are mine.

Quoting Oliviasmom72:

It doesnt make you a great Step mom. Why wouldnt you watch a step kid if your kids are home and you have to watch them anyways? You really would tell the husband No?


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

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