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Trying to be Fair and I am frustrated

First of all, I want to start by saying that I do love my stepson. I went on google looking for advice and it seems that most people in my situation seemed to strongly dislike their stepkids. That is not the case here. I am just frustrated with the other adults that are helping to raise him. They are raising an entitled, spoiled brat. He is such a sweet kid, but he expects everything to be done for him and basically does whatever he wants. His mother and grandparents buy him whatever he wants, take him on extravagant vacations (think tropical islands, cruises, AT LEAST once a year), movies multiple times a week, and they let him dictate what he wants to eat which pretty much consists of pastries all day long. He refuses to eat anything I make, even the typical chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, and grilled cheese type meals that my two sons beg for. My husband and I are on the same page. We disagree with how spoiled he is, but really what can we do? I get along great with his mom, I actually really like he. Alot. She just buys him whatever he wants. The problem I am having is that I have two sons who live with us full time. We have my step son half the time and when he is here he brags about everything to my kids. I talk about taking them to Disney for example and he will be like "I've already been three times!" I mention going to Great Wolf Lodge and he is like "oh wow. This is the sixth Time this year I have been!" He has every toy under the sun. There is NOTHING I can do with or for this child that hasn't already been done multiple times. This makes birthdays and Christmas particularly frustrating. His mother even got him a Nintendo DS XL as part of his Easter basket. The tooth fairy will leave this kid game systems. My kids get so jealous because he boasts about everything he has. I try to explain to him that it isn't a nice thing to do. It is nice that people do these things for and with him, but he shouldn't brag about it to other kids around the clock. He comes off snobby the way he does it. I feel like my two sons haven't done even a tenth of everything my stepson has done. We have never been on a nice vacation other than local places. I do not buy them everything they want because I want them to appreciate things. I do not let them eat whatever they want all day. They try new things. My stepson wants chocolate chip muffins, for example, all day long and refuses anything else. I won't give in to him. I also worry he will resent me for it because his mom and grandparents allow it when he is with them. We discipline him when he brings toys over and refuses to share with the other boys. I make my boys share and I buy them things equally. Whatever my two get, my stepson gets. I have three kids. Period. So how do I handle the frustration that comes with all the excess spoiling from other adults in his life? It isn't my place to say anything and I won't, but yet we suffer the consequences of it. It sucks. Also, would it be out of line for me to do something with my two boys without my stepson? My husband seems to get aggrivated by that idea and obviously wants his son included in everything, but I just want my kids to feel special too and maybe have ONE thing that my stepson doesn't already have 20 of. Am I just being jealous? I legit beat myself up over the way I feel. I do a lot with all three of the boys already, just not to the extremes that my stepson's other parents and grandparents do. Advice, please! Thanks ❤
by on Aug. 8, 2017 at 12:37 PM
Replies (21-23):
WickedPissah
by 2Sexy4MyStoma on Aug. 13, 2017 at 12:01 PM
Good thing is you and his mom get along, so that's a huge plus.

Go off and do things with your kids, and dh can do things with his kid.

Only thing you can do is run your household the way you see fit.
tezell78
by Member on Aug. 13, 2017 at 12:45 PM
You absolutely can and should do things with just your boys. You aren't required or obligated to include him every single time. As for the boasting, next time it happens remind him it's not a nice thing to do, the second incident of the day, make him write I will not boast or brag about things, it's not nice, 100 times.
Mommy0505
by Silver Member on Aug. 15, 2017 at 11:28 AM
1 mom liked this
Pehaps gets some children's books on bragging, teach him what it is & what it looks like and then, as a family, create a no bragging rule for the house.

At that age, it's a behavior that gets him attention (oos and has) and he needs to be educated on it. I wouldn't add consequences to it for a while. He needs to be taught & reminded. You could add a funny consequence/reminder that applies to everyone (adults do it too) like I caught you bragging, you need to spin around 3 times and restate your thought.
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