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Life revolves around visits

Posted by on Aug. 18, 2017 at 8:55 PM
  • 49 Replies
1 mom liked this
Hi everyone. I've posted a few times requesting advice on this stepparenting journey as I continue to adjust to the dynamics of a blended family. We've been married 4 years and get SS eowe, every other Tuesday, holidays and 4 weeks in the summer. I make it a point to not ask my husband to do things that take away from his visitation time because I understand the importance of the time he has with his son. There have been several times I don't ask about certain activities because he's with us. In a few weeks there is a one-day marriage conference I was so interested in attending but realized it was ss weekend. I reluctantly asked my husband if we could go because I knew it would be something beneficial for both of us. He said he felt offended that I even suggested it on his visitation time. Was I really that much in the wrong?
by on Aug. 18, 2017 at 8:55 PM
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knoxmomof2
by Bronze Member on Aug. 18, 2017 at 9:13 PM
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I don't think you're ever "wrong" for asking to do something together. That being said, is there something particularly special about this marriage conference as opposed to others that you could attend? Also, where would SS go while you were at the conference? Those would be key factors to me in deciding whether you guys should go or not. If the conference is through, say, your church and you feel like it would be beneficial, I'm assuming there won't be another one for a year. Also, if SS gets to go to Grandma's or Auntie's, someone he is close to and would benefit from seeing, that's a plus. If you're expecting him to forfeit his weekend or leave him with a sitter, it might not be the best thing.

DH was a real PITA about expecting us to put our lives on hold and do nothing special unless SD (now 22, thankfully) was there to participate. Sometimes those things were a once a year opportunity and not on her weekend and we all would miss out. I completely disagreed with that. Eventually, he was working weekends anyway so it was no longer an issue.
LuvLiddy
by Member on Aug. 18, 2017 at 10:12 PM
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We live in a rural area so there aren't many events like these close enough to attend. SS would be staying with his grandparents - which he loves.
I understand his reasoning but I told him life will not always schedule itself to accommodate visits for the next 12 years.

Quoting knoxmomof2: I don't think you're ever "wrong" for asking to do something together. That being said, is there something particularly special about this marriage conference as opposed to others that you could attend? Also, where would SS go while you were at the conference? Those would be key factors to me in deciding whether you guys should go or not. If the conference is through, say, your church and you feel like it would be beneficial, I'm assuming there won't be another one for a year. Also, if SS gets to go to Grandma's or Auntie's, someone he is close to and would benefit from seeing, that's a plus. If you're expecting him to forfeit his weekend or leave him with a sitter, it might not be the best thing.

DH was a real PITA about expecting us to put our lives on hold and do nothing special unless SD (now 22, thankfully) was there to participate. Sometimes those things were a once a year opportunity and not on her weekend and we all would miss out. I completely disagreed with that. Eventually, he was working weekends anyway so it was no longer an issue.
Shabby_Chic
by Silver Member on Aug. 18, 2017 at 10:28 PM
Your life shouldn't, but he is trying to accommodate now. That's good.

Quoting LuvLiddy: We live in a rural area so there aren't many events like these close enough to attend. SS would be staying with his grandparents - which he loves.
I understand his reasoning but I told him life will not always schedule itself to accommodate visits for the next 12 years.

Quoting knoxmomof2: I don't think you're ever "wrong" for asking to do something together. That being said, is there something particularly special about this marriage conference as opposed to others that you could attend? Also, where would SS go while you were at the conference? Those would be key factors to me in deciding whether you guys should go or not. If the conference is through, say, your church and you feel like it would be beneficial, I'm assuming there won't be another one for a year. Also, if SS gets to go to Grandma's or Auntie's, someone he is close to and would benefit from seeing, that's a plus. If you're expecting him to forfeit his weekend or leave him with a sitter, it might not be the best thing.

DH was a real PITA about expecting us to put our lives on hold and do nothing special unless SD (now 22, thankfully) was there to participate. Sometimes those things were a once a year opportunity and not on her weekend and we all would miss out. I completely disagreed with that. Eventually, he was working weekends anyway so it was no longer an issue.
codysara
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2017 at 10:28 PM
I'm assuming you meant every other weekend end (eowe)? Not every other week (eow). I will respond once it is classified.
LuvLiddy
by Member on Aug. 18, 2017 at 10:33 PM
Yes. I'm sorry. It's eowe

Quoting codysara: I'm assuming you meant every other weekend end (eowe)? Not every other week (eow). I will respond once it is classified.
knoxmomof2
by Bronze Member on Aug. 18, 2017 at 10:42 PM
I would ask him if he would like to go to a marriage conference. If he said yes, ask him to find you guys one on a non-SS weekend. If he says no, it won't do you guys a whole lot of good anyway.

I don't miss these days.... I never made headway with DH on this, thankfully his schedule changed and I had more say in what happened on non-SD weekends.

DH always wanted everything to be equal and I tried to explain to him that, unlike his DD, our children only had 1 set of parents, 2 sets of grandparents and 1 household doing things. SD would have multiple Christmases with all of the extended families and our children got 1. Same with birthdays. But somehow we were supposed to schedule everything around her weekends. Ugh!

Quoting LuvLiddy: We live in a rural area so there aren't many events like these close enough to attend. SS would be staying with his grandparents - which he loves.
I understand his reasoning but I told him life will not always schedule itself to accommodate visits for the next 12 years.

Quoting knoxmomof2: I don't think you're ever "wrong" for asking to do something together. That being said, is there something particularly special about this marriage conference as opposed to others that you could attend? Also, where would SS go while you were at the conference? Those would be key factors to me in deciding whether you guys should go or not. If the conference is through, say, your church and you feel like it would be beneficial, I'm assuming there won't be another one for a year. Also, if SS gets to go to Grandma's or Auntie's, someone he is close to and would benefit from seeing, that's a plus. If you're expecting him to forfeit his weekend or leave him with a sitter, it might not be the best thing.

DH was a real PITA about expecting us to put our lives on hold and do nothing special unless SD (now 22, thankfully) was there to participate. Sometimes those things were a once a year opportunity and not on her weekend and we all would miss out. I completely disagreed with that. Eventually, he was working weekends anyway so it was no longer an issue.
WickedPissah
by 2Sexy4MyStoma on Aug. 18, 2017 at 11:01 PM
How old is ss?

Do you have children with your dh?
LuvLiddy
by Member on Aug. 18, 2017 at 11:07 PM
Ss is 7 and husband adopted my daughter, age 11.

Quoting WickedPissah: How old is ss?

Do you have children with your dh?
codysara
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2017 at 11:10 PM
That's ok. My response just varied on clarification. So I wanted to make sure.
(Edit your post to show the actual custody)
If your marriage is not shaky, he should never change his limited time. If you are on the brink of separation, AND he is on board with couples retreat, he should be more open.

Quoting LuvLiddy: Yes. I'm sorry. It's eowe

Quoting codysara: I'm assuming you meant every other weekend end (eowe)? Not every other week (eow). I will respond once it is classified.
WickedPissah
by 2Sexy4MyStoma on Aug. 19, 2017 at 8:27 AM
I can understand the both of you.
What issues are you having in your marriage?


Quoting LuvLiddy: Ss is 7 and husband adopted my daughter, age 11.

Quoting WickedPissah: How old is ss?

Do you have children with your dh?
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