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Stepmom/Mom guilt

Posted by on Sep. 29, 2017 at 3:00 PM
  • 25 Replies
Hi everyone!! I had my DD two months ago and she is the light of my life. I have three stepchildren and while I love them it doesn't even compare to the way I feel about my DD. I know this sounds really selfish but my main concern is for my DD now so I have found myself often butting heads with DH when it comes to his children. Plus they are far apart in age SS just turned 18 and is talking about moving out soon and I'm secretly hoping that he does so DD can get her own space. I feel awful.
by on Sep. 29, 2017 at 3:00 PM
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Replies (1-10):
WickedPissah
by 2Sexy4MyStoma on Sep. 29, 2017 at 4:48 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't blame you.
anonomomma
by Member on Sep. 29, 2017 at 7:38 PM
1 mom liked this
It's perfectly natural to love your baby more than anyone and to feel super protective.
Boobear110
by Audra on Sep. 29, 2017 at 8:09 PM
2 moms liked this

You have no need to feel awful. You just had a baby . SS is 18 .

minimoo
by Platinum Member on Sep. 29, 2017 at 9:29 PM
It is very natural to feel the way you do. The bond you feel with your own children is much different than you feel with other people's kids.

What are you butting heads about? How old are the other 2?
destinyangl21
by Bronze Member on Sep. 30, 2017 at 9:55 AM
1 mom liked this

On SS's animals. He brings home strays then doesn't take care of them. I want them out of here, because they aren't very friendly to my daughter. He has SD15 and SS12 as well. They aren't interested in their sister at all, which I figured was going to happen.

Quoting minimoo: It is very natural to feel the way you do. The bond you feel with your own children is much different than you feel with other people's kids. What are you butting heads about? How old are the other 2?


minimoo
by Platinum Member on Sep. 30, 2017 at 10:13 AM
How many animals does he have? How long have they lived there? Are they aggressive with your baby?

I love animals. With a passion. My mil (before she went completely bonkers) insisted on watching my kids while I was in the hospital giving birth to ds. I came home and SURPRISE!! There was a new puppy waiting for me. Just what any mother of a brand new baby wants lol. Not only that, but we were renting and weren't allowed to have pets. Me being an animal lover did try to see what we could do. She was fine with my oldest and the baby, but for some reason, she was very aggressive with my middle one (18 months at the time). When the puppy growled and tried to bite her when she curled up to cuddle me, we said enough is enough. Dh drove her to mil, explained that while we appreciated the gesture, it wasn't going to work out, and our kids come first. And reminded her of the common courtesy of asking somebody before getting them an animal and we couldn't have any then.

As far as taking care of the animals, I would tell dh that if his son won't take care of them, he needs to. And if neither of them


Quoting destinyangl21:

On SS's animals. He brings home strays then doesn't take care of them. I want them out of here, because they aren't very friendly to my daughter. He has SD15 and SS12 as well. They aren't interested in their sister at all, which I figured was going to happen.

Quoting minimoo: It is very natural to feel the way you do. The bond you feel with your own children is much different than you feel with other people's kids.

What are you butting heads about? How old are the other 2?

destinyangl21
by Bronze Member on Sep. 30, 2017 at 12:22 PM
He has a kitten that's only 12 weeks old and an older dog. The kitten keeps trying to scratch my DD, and whether he is trying to play or not I don't want it around. The dog is fine with DD. She just smells the baby and goes on with her day it's the cat that I don't trust.

Quoting minimoo: How many animals does he have? How long have they lived there? Are they aggressive with your baby?

I love animals. With a passion. My mil (before she went completely bonkers) insisted on watching my kids while I was in the hospital giving birth to ds. I came home and SURPRISE!! There was a new puppy waiting for me. Just what any mother of a brand new baby wants lol. Not only that, but we were renting and weren't allowed to have pets. Me being an animal lover did try to see what we could do. She was fine with my oldest and the baby, but for some reason, she was very aggressive with my middle one (18 months at the time). When the puppy growled and tried to bite her when she curled up to cuddle me, we said enough is enough. Dh drove her to mil, explained that while we appreciated the gesture, it wasn't going to work out, and our kids come first. And reminded her of the common courtesy of asking somebody before getting them an animal and we couldn't have any then.

As far as taking care of the animals, I would tell dh that if his son won't take care of them, he needs to. And if neither of them


Quoting destinyangl21:

On SS's animals. He brings home strays then doesn't take care of them. I want them out of here, because they aren't very friendly to my daughter. He has SD15 and SS12 as well. They aren't interested in their sister at all, which I figured was going to happen.

Quoting minimoo: It is very natural to feel the way you do. The bond you feel with your own children is much different than you feel with other people's kids.

What are you butting heads about? How old are the other 2?

destinyangl21
by Bronze Member on Sep. 30, 2017 at 12:25 PM
Yeah but I feel bad because I do want him to move out eventually. He's in college and his school is 45 minutes from our house. BM offered to help pay for an apartment bear campus so I hope he takes her up on that offer. DD wasn't planned and we really need more room for the baby.

Quoting Boobear110:

You have no need to feel awful. You just had a baby . SS is 18 .

minimoo
by Platinum Member on Sep. 30, 2017 at 12:31 PM
1 mom liked this
Eh... in that case, I wouldn't worry about it. Kittens tend to do that because they are playing. That doesn't seem like a good reason to rehome either of them. Maybe you can compromise and have set rooms the kitten is allowed to be in to help you feel better. How long has he had the animals?

Quoting destinyangl21: He has a kitten that's only 12 weeks old and an older dog. The kitten keeps trying to scratch my DD, and whether he is trying to play or not I don't want it around. The dog is fine with DD. She just smells the baby and goes on with her day it's the cat that I don't trust.

Quoting minimoo: How many animals does he have? How long have they lived there? Are they aggressive with your baby?

I love animals. With a passion. My mil (before she went completely bonkers) insisted on watching my kids while I was in the hospital giving birth to ds. I came home and SURPRISE!! There was a new puppy waiting for me. Just what any mother of a brand new baby wants lol. Not only that, but we were renting and weren't allowed to have pets. Me being an animal lover did try to see what we could do. She was fine with my oldest and the baby, but for some reason, she was very aggressive with my middle one (18 months at the time). When the puppy growled and tried to bite her when she curled up to cuddle me, we said enough is enough. Dh drove her to mil, explained that while we appreciated the gesture, it wasn't going to work out, and our kids come first. And reminded her of the common courtesy of asking somebody before getting them an animal and we couldn't have any then.

As far as taking care of the animals, I would tell dh that if his son won't take care of them, he needs to. And if neither of them


Quoting destinyangl21:

On SS's animals. He brings home strays then doesn't take care of them. I want them out of here, because they aren't very friendly to my daughter. He has SD15 and SS12 as well. They aren't interested in their sister at all, which I figured was going to happen.

Quoting minimoo: It is very natural to feel the way you do. The bond you feel with your own children is much different than you feel with other people's kids.

What are you butting heads about? How old are the other 2?

minimoo
by Platinum Member on Sep. 30, 2017 at 12:39 PM
Is she your only bio child?

I understand your feelings. Just remember that your dh has those same feelings regarding your skids. It very well could cause problems if he feels you are trying to get rid of them. I guess what I'm trying to say is now that you know the bond between parent and child, how would you feel if someone wanted your daughter out of your home (I know it's hard to picture now as she's young). It seems like he barely graduated and is getting his life together, which is awesome.

I'm sensing a lot of illfeelings towards ss18. Is there more going on? Beyond him taking up room and having a heart for animals? What was your relationship like with him prior to having your dd? Figuring out the true motivation for your feelings might help you face them or fix the situation.


Quoting destinyangl21: Yeah but I feel bad because I do want him to move out eventually. He's in college and his school is 45 minutes from our house. BM offered to help pay for an apartment bear campus so I hope he takes her up on that offer. DD wasn't planned and we really need more room for the baby.
Quoting Boobear110:

You have no need to feel awful. You just had a baby . SS is 18 .

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