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Step Grandmother

Posted by on Oct. 27, 2017 at 1:11 PM
  • 43 Replies

My mother-in-law doesn't acknowlege my kids. She sends gifts to my husband's kids for birthdays and Christmas, but never sends anything to my kids. I've been with my husband for over 4 years. We've been married for 2 years. Is this normal or does anyone else think it's not right?

by on Oct. 27, 2017 at 1:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
krisnkids
by Member on Oct. 27, 2017 at 1:13 PM
1 mom liked this

My mom has treated her new steps just like she treats my bios.

patlizvic
by Member on Oct. 27, 2017 at 1:20 PM

I would think that's the way it should be. I have full custody of my kids so they live full time with us. She just sent a tin of popcorn to my step kids for halloween. She put their names on it and not my kids. So are my kids not allowed to eat the popcorn? lol

Quoting patlizvic:

My mother-in-law doesn't acknowlege my kids. She sends gifts to my husband's kids for birthdays and Christmas, but never sends anything to my kids. I've been with my husband for over 4 years. We've been married for 2 years. Is this normal or does anyone else think it's not right?


FindersKeepers
by Member on Oct. 27, 2017 at 1:31 PM
3 moms liked this

This is not kind.  Your husband should talk to his mom about it.  

To give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe it is just not something that has occured to her.  

jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Oct. 27, 2017 at 3:50 PM

My kids step GM treated them really well in the beginning, before BF and SM had kids.  Since then her treatment isn't bad, but it's not the same.  I suspect (no proof) that this has more to do with SM than with her BM though.  It doesn't matter at this point though, they're 15 and 19 and don't see dad much, so they see SGM even less.  

In your situation though, I'd either ask DH to find out why she ignores your children or, if you're close enough to her, ask her yourself.  Does she have other stepgrandchildren?  Did she ever have stepchildren?  Was she a stepchild?  (perhaps there is something from her past that's causing her to behave this way?)  Does she know you/your DH want her to treat your kids like her grandkids, fully?  Any chance your BM or your family members said something to her about not treating your kids equally/like family?  

Do your kids send her things for her birthday, Christmas, grandparents day, or any other time your DHs kids do?  Do they include her?  

patlizvic
by Member on Oct. 27, 2017 at 4:10 PM

She doesn't have any other step grandchildren. She wasn't a step child but she has half sisters and brother. I've never mentioned my feelings to my husband. I was going to say something tonight considering the popcorn tin was addressed to his kids and not mine. My parents are both gone so I can't compare. His kids really don't send her anything for holidays. We usually send something from us. maybe we should start sending her gifts from all 6 kids from now on.

 

Quoting jules2boys:

My kids step GM treated them really well in the beginning, before BF and SM had kids.  Since then her treatment isn't bad, but it's not the same.  I suspect (no proof) that this has more to do with SM than with her BM though.  It doesn't matter at this point though, they're 15 and 19 and don't see dad much, so they see SGM even less.  

In your situation though, I'd either ask DH to find out why she ignores your children or, if you're close enough to her, ask her yourself.  Does she have other stepgrandchildren?  Did she ever have stepchildren?  Was she a stepchild?  (perhaps there is something from her past that's causing her to behave this way?)  Does she know you/your DH want her to treat your kids like her grandkids, fully?  Any chance your BM or your family members said something to her about not treating your kids equally/like family?  

Do your kids send her things for her birthday, Christmas, grandparents day, or any other time your DHs kids do?  Do they include her?  


Leigh84
by Gold Member on Oct. 27, 2017 at 4:23 PM
My mom sometimes has a hard time w/remembering b-days. Mostly w/my SS19. I don’t believe it’s intentional. My SS15 has a July b-day and a lot of ppl in our family have July b-days. I’m sure that’s why she remembers his. She always gets them a little something at Christmas.

I would talk to your dh and see what he says. Maybe he could talk to her and see what’s going.
Shabby_Chic
by Silver Member on Oct. 27, 2017 at 7:23 PM
She doesn't have to treat your kids the same. It's unfortunate, but she may not see them as her grandkids.
jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Oct. 27, 2017 at 8:32 PM

Then I'd mention this to DH.  See if he has perspective that you haven't considered.  Then, based on what he says, perhaps it's time to mention it to MIL.  

I don't mean to mention it to her as if she MUST change or MUST include all kids or none, but to find out why she does this, and then either see if she'll include your children too (perhaps she's not sure what to get/do for them? so she does nothing) or you'll set yourself and your kids for things to continue as they are, and work on any disappointment that may follow.  

In all honestly, your DH married you, and took on your kids, but his family didn't.  MIL doesn't 'need' to include your kids, but it'd be nice if she did.  Does that make sense?  

I'd be curious (long before now, actually) where she stood, and why.  Again, not to argue her point, but to understand it. 

Quoting patlizvic:

She doesn't have any other step grandchildren. She wasn't a step child but she has half sisters and brother. I've never mentioned my feelings to my husband. I was going to say something tonight considering the popcorn tin was addressed to his kids and not mine. My parents are both gone so I can't compare. His kids really don't send her anything for holidays. We usually send something from us. maybe we should start sending her gifts from all 6 kids from now on.

 

Quoting jules2boys:

My kids step GM treated them really well in the beginning, before BF and SM had kids.  Since then her treatment isn't bad, but it's not the same.  I suspect (no proof) that this has more to do with SM than with her BM though.  It doesn't matter at this point though, they're 15 and 19 and don't see dad much, so they see SGM even less.  

In your situation though, I'd either ask DH to find out why she ignores your children or, if you're close enough to her, ask her yourself.  Does she have other stepgrandchildren?  Did she ever have stepchildren?  Was she a stepchild?  (perhaps there is something from her past that's causing her to behave this way?)  Does she know you/your DH want her to treat your kids like her grandkids, fully?  Any chance your BM or your family members said something to her about not treating your kids equally/like family?  

Do your kids send her things for her birthday, Christmas, grandparents day, or any other time your DHs kids do?  Do they include her?  


DogLady1
by on Oct. 28, 2017 at 12:08 AM
1 mom liked this
My mom didn't include my ss either.
I think it's hurtful when the kids see this. Its in their face. What do you think the kid feels like when they see gma thinking of them and not him? Not very loved.
Dad needs to speak w with mom.
WickedPissah
by 2Sexy4MyStoma on Oct. 28, 2017 at 9:38 AM
If you don't think it's right than you need to approach her on this.
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