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My mother-in-law doesn't acknowlege my kids. She sends gifts to my husband's kids for birthdays and Christmas, but never sends anything to my kids. I've been with my husband for over 4 years. We've been married for 2 years. Is this normal or does anyone else think it's not right?

by on Oct. 27, 2017 at 1:11 PM
Replies (41-46):
tottaxi
by Bronze Member on Nov. 24, 2017 at 8:45 AM

Thank you for seeing my mom's pov.  Coming from another step-grandmother that means a lot.


Quoting Seychelles1409:

How sad for your mother that her efforts were not appreciated by your husband on behalf of his daughter and by the bio-grandmother.   You should tell both of them that a child can never have too many loving grandmothers and that petty jealousy should be beneath them because it is DS that has had to suffer as a result.   I am a step-grandmother and I would happily do much more for SS's son if DH and I were given the chance to be a part of the child's life, but that is not how things are unfortunately.   Your DH was lucky your mother wanted to be a part of his child's life.


Quoting tottaxi:

My mom started out treating my stepdaughter in the same way she does my son.  If she bought for one, she bought for the other.  My parents attended SD's extra-curricular activities just like they do DS's.

A couple of things happened:  DH's mother (the bio-grandma) got a little bent out of shape that my mom was developing a better relationship with SD than she was.  She voiced her complaint to DH and he told me "Your mom does too much."  I shared this with my mom and she said that she hadn't meant to step on any toes.  Basically, she was put on notice that SD already has two grandmas and doesn't need another one.  IMO, DH's mom viewed it as a competition and didn't want to be shown up.

Prior to being informed that she was encroaching on another grandma's territory, I can say that DH totally took the things my mom did for his daughter for granted.  No thank yous were ever forthcoming from him.  From me, yes.  But not from him.  That was undoubtedly noticed by my mom since she does pay attention to such things.  So when she was told to back off she didn't hesitate.  She hadn't been appreciated anyway.

SD does notice the difference in the way that my mom treats my son.  My son is a huge part of my parents' life and their love for him shows just in how they relate to each other.  SD's grandparents, in comparison, suck.  It's sad that they aren't as involved in her life as my parents are with DS.

Bottomline is that the kids have their own bio-grandparents.  Not all grandparents are created equal.  My mom continues to buy gifts for SD for major holidays, but those little "just because" gifts in between are limited to my son. I really don't think we can dictate the terms of gift giving to other people.

So, maybe there are reasons why all children were not included on the popcorn.



Seychelles1409
by Gold Member on Dec. 6, 2017 at 8:40 PM
You are more than welcome.

Quoting tottaxi:

Thank you for seeing my mom's pov.  Coming from another step-grandmother that means a lot.

Quoting Seychelles1409:

How sad for your mother that her efforts were not appreciated by your husband on behalf of his daughter and by the bio-grandmother.   You should tell both of them that a child can never have too many loving grandmothers and that petty jealousy should be beneath them because it is DS that has had to suffer as a result.   I am a step-grandmother and I would happily do much more for SS's son if DH and I were given the chance to be a part of the child's life, but that is not how things are unfortunately.   Your DH was lucky your mother wanted to be a part of his child's life.

Quoting tottaxi:

My mom started out treating my stepdaughter in the same way she does my son.  If she bought for one, she bought for the other.  My parents attended SD's extra-curricular activities just like they do DS's.

A couple of things happened:  DH's mother (the bio-grandma) got a little bent out of shape that my mom was developing a better relationship with SD than she was.  She voiced her complaint to DH and he told me "Your mom does too much."  I shared this with my mom and she said that she hadn't meant to step on any toes.  Basically, she was put on notice that SD already has two grandmas and doesn't need another one.  IMO, DH's mom viewed it as a competition and didn't want to be shown up.

Prior to being informed that she was encroaching on another grandma's territory, I can say that DH totally took the things my mom did for his daughter for granted.  No thank yous were ever forthcoming from him.  From me, yes.  But not from him.  That was undoubtedly noticed by my mom since she does pay attention to such things.  So when she was told to back off she didn't hesitate.  She hadn't been appreciated anyway.

SD does notice the difference in the way that my mom treats my son.  My son is a huge part of my parents' life and their love for him shows just in how they relate to each other.  SD's grandparents, in comparison, suck.  It's sad that they aren't as involved in her life as my parents are with DS.

Bottomline is that the kids have their own bio-grandparents.  Not all grandparents are created equal.  My mom continues to buy gifts for SD for major holidays, but those little "just because" gifts in between are limited to my son. I really don't think we can dictate the terms of gift giving to other people.

So, maybe there are reasons why all children were not included on the popcorn.

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Dec. 8, 2017 at 8:32 PM
Yep that’s MIL with SD16 & DD13

Neither are DH’s bio daughter’s so technically MIL didn’t have to do shit for either girl.

I didn’t care but some would.


Quoting Shabby_Chic: She doesn't have to treat your kids the same. It's unfortunate, but she may not see them as her grandkids.
fantasticfour
by Bronze Member on Dec. 15, 2017 at 10:56 AM
1 mom liked this

My inlaws tried to do that.  My husband sent everything back to them.  Said you acknowledge his whole family or none.

radioflyergurl
by on Dec. 25, 2017 at 6:27 AM

Without reading any further, and I see this is an older post, you can't make people call you family. I would, since Granny is sending HER grandkids presents, if your kids are the type to notice, get a few more for your kids. Otherwise, I'd let it be.

Your kids will figure out their step grandmother is not really a step anything. And that's ok. I think it's sad. My parents always treated my SK like their own grandkids. I don't understand being so stingy with emotion.

But to each their own. Get your kids a few awesome gifts from Santa, and let them figure out MIL is not worth worrying over.

Valentina327
by on Dec. 25, 2017 at 6:35 AM
That's so crappy when people do that. How can you be hateful to kids? I can't stand people with that mentality.
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