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Just don't understand-UPDATE to all those who are helping me

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I think the plan to get more intensive therapy is absolutely appropriate if he shows he isn't going back to school in January. I think I probably need to research what is around us and present it to DH as he won't do it. SS is very intelligent, majoring in math and physics, and he can be condescending to our suggestions or opinions. He told us he wasn't going back this past fall because none of the classes he needed were offered and he wasn't going to waste money.  I didn't buy it but DH and BM did. Yet, they don't seem to consider why he didn't go to his apartment and get a job and live and socialize with his roommates if that was the only issue.

I dwell on the whole thing so much I think I'm talking to DH more than I probably truly am. Sometimes I think if I bring it up again, suggest he needs to be prepared or do this or that, DH is going to take it all out on me and say I'm just hating on his son and meddling in things that aren't really my problem. To a point they aren't, but they are because he is living in my house, I'm cooking for him, replenishing the food he eats, taking him with us when we go out to eat, etc. The whole thing is polar opposite to my relationship with my kids and their raising. Both have always had loving expectations of them. My DD is younger than SS but now ahead of him in college and working 30+ hours a week while going full time and in a sorority. My kids are happy and want to be successful. SS is neither right now. Part of the problem too is that he doesn't have any goal with those two degrees he is working on. He has never been able to articulate what he wants to do with them. He told someone who asked he planned to stay in school until he got PHD's because there wasn't really anthing out there to do without them. Right.  I'm a fixer, and this is something I can't fix. It's like having OCD about something and not being able to even try to satisfy it. I went to my therapist, all she could say was "you are in a tough place."                                          

Someone please explain to me depression of this type. SS23 dropped out of his junior spring semester after he got off his depression medication cold turkey. That I understand because that messes with your whole system. This was in January. He had yet to do anything whatsoever but play computer games. He's been to at least 4 doctors and counselors who swap around his medication and say he needs time. At home he seems perfectly content. He has no friends, no going out of the house, just eat sleep tv and games. He lived with us February-August then said he was going back to school. Instead he ended up living with BM and her husband. He is here now because they needed his room for guests and I'm not sure but what he won't stay here. My patients are almost at the end. If he seemed sick I could understand but he just seems like he's happy to be taken care of with no responsibility under the umbrella of not being well. One thing I have learned, DH and BM weren't the kind of communicators with their kids I am. We talk!! They don't know what is going on in his head and don't try too. So frustrated, just had to vent this.

by on Nov. 21, 2017 at 10:39 AM
Replies (21-21):
by Bronze Member on Dec. 1, 2017 at 3:31 PM

Have you or your dh considered that it might be SOCIAL ANXIETY that he's suffering from?

Quoting Bertieb:

He is seeing a therapist weekly right now and he told his mom he really likes her. He told DH he is planning on going back to school in January but I don't see it happening. How could he possibly be ready to go back to college when he wouldn't even get a job of any type this last semester while living at home? Also, he hasn't signed up for classes or made any attempt to re-enroll, just acts like he can will go do all that during the week classes begin. This is a major university and I don't think it works like that. I think he just tells DH what he thinks DH wants to hear, until the last second.  

Quoting DDDaysh: He seems depressed to me. I suffer quite a bit from mental illness, and have this does seem like serious depression. He might seem fine, but he's clearly not. The thing is, he won't get better by doing nothing. Your husband needs to get him some serious therapy. They have partial hospitalization programs with intensive therapy that you have to go to every day. That's what I would recommend for your SS. He needs to really be working on himself and he needs a reason to get up and out of the house every day. A program like that will accomplish both things. Does he have a regular therapist he sees now. If so, that therapist can recommend him for a PHP or outpatient hospitalization. If not, you can still call on your own. He needs therapy though because meds alone don't fix it.
Quoting Bertieb: His most recent therapist said he was not suicidal, just sad. Is she right? That is what his parents rightly worry about but won't talk about. I don't push my husband or complain to him because what if he were to harm himself? I'd be devastated. However, he can't hide hide from life or recover playing games 16 hours a day. See, I would be meeting with every doctor, talking to his old roommates, talking with him. BM never checked in with us when he lived with us and DH is the same. I just don't get it.

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