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How should I tell SD about pregnancy?

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I'm very excited to be starting a family with my husband. I also know my SD will probably be excited. She has mentioned/requested/told us "I want a baby brother at my mom's house and a baby sister at my dad's house."
We're waiting until the 2nd trimester to tell her. We find out the gender xmas morning and we will tell her about the pregnancy a few days before.
Also we just found out her mom is in fact pregnant. She will deliver about 3 months ahead of me. I have a feeling this will be overwhelming for my SD. I plan on trying to get some kids books about new siblings.
I have read up on the best way to do this so I have a game plan in my head. But I'd love to hear any of your stories if you have them!
by on Nov. 26, 2017 at 3:44 PM
Replies (11-20):
DesertVenus
by Member on Nov. 27, 2017 at 1:14 PM
Eh my husband would just blurt it out. He's not a good speaker, and I'm for sure more in touch with my SDs emotions than he is when it comes to stuff like this. (Life changing stuff)

Quoting tiafez:

1st: Congratulations, how exciting. You must be over the moon!!

2nd: you can control how overwhelming it is for her. Dad knows her best, maybe he should take the lead and you can tell her together with him doing the gauging of her excitement, etc?

Shabby_Chic
by Silver Member on Nov. 27, 2017 at 6:29 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting codysara: But they are. If not for the child, if divorce occurs, they are not joined.
Quoting Shabby_Chic: Don t say you're starting a family with her dad in front of her. Not in front of him either, imo. They are and were a family that you joined and your child will be part of an existing family.

Nope.  

When my kids had a sm I remember my daughter coming to me and talking about how she felt when her stepmother talked about the daughter she wanted to have with my ex.  She wanted to "start a family" with him and it just sounds like the existing family is chopped liver.  

In with the new, out with the old sort of thing.

Shabby_Chic
by Silver Member on Nov. 27, 2017 at 6:30 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting codysara: "We are adding a little brother or sister to the family " "We are adding a new bundle of joy to the family " It's really just about how you say it.
This here I agree with.  "Starting a family" is different than adding to the family.
Quoting anonomomma: You don't tell a child your starting a new family with their Dad because your pregnant.
Quoting codysara: But they are. If not for the child, if divorce occurs, they are not joined.
Quoting Shabby_Chic: Don t say you're starting a family with her dad in front of her. Not in front of him either, imo. They are and were a family that you joined and your child will be part of an existing family.


pusheen-kitty
by Battler on Nov. 27, 2017 at 9:53 PM
I wouldn't stress it. Worry more about getting through the first 12 weeks. GL
DesertVenus
by Member on Nov. 28, 2017 at 11:01 AM
I'm not stressing. Like I said in my original post, if anyone had their own stories to share I'd be interested to hear them.



Quoting pusheen-kitty: I wouldn't stress it. Worry more about getting through the first 12 weeks. GL
jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Nov. 28, 2017 at 11:29 AM

How often is SD in your home? 

SeakingPeace
by Bronze Member on Nov. 29, 2017 at 9:21 PM


Quoting Shabby_Chic:

Step mom has never had children before and is excited about starting a family.  Would it be okay for her to say, "I'm excited about starting my family"?

Quoting codysara: But they are. If not for the child, if divorce occurs, they are not joined.
Quoting Shabby_Chic: Don t say you're starting a family with her dad in front of her. Not in front of him either, imo. They are and were a family that you joined and your child will be part of an existing family.

Nope.  

When my kids had a sm I remember my daughter coming to me and talking about how she felt when her stepmother talked about the daughter she wanted to have with my ex.  She wanted to "start a family" with him and it just sounds like the existing family is chopped liver.  

In with the new, out with the old sort of thing.


BabyTbaby2
by Member on Dec. 2, 2017 at 10:12 PM
My SD was 10 when I became pregnant with my now 3yo daughter. SD really wanted a little sister because she has an older brother and a younger brother from her mother, but didn't have any sisters.
So we had a special dinner that evening and got an ultrasound pic to give to her (but she didn't really care about the pic) and told her then. We let her know we were going to have her little brother or sister (we told her around 12 weeks so we didn't know the gender yet) and that the baby was due in September! We let her know that we weren't replacing her or trying to get rid of her and that we loved her and always would.
I had looked up a bunch of stuff on stepkids and siblings and even nuclear families with new siblings, and they often have jealousy issues, especially if they're younger. Since SD was 10 and super excited to finally have a little sister, we didn't have any jealousy issues with her.

Just do some research on what to expect with a stepchild and new sibling or even nuclear families with a new sibling. Basically, normally, when a baby is introduced into a blended family, the stepchild has essentially the same reaction that a child from a nuclear family would have, but the reaction is normally bigger, more explosive. That's not in all the cases, though-like my SD-she didn't really have any issues when DD came. But we didn't have any issues before that with her about pretty much anything, so that helps a lot. And she was really excited about getting her baby sister. So just do some research and make sure that you don't push SD to the wayside when baby arrives. That's pretty much all you need to do and you'll be fine. I would consciously check to make sure that I wasn't mistreating SD or treating her differently because I had a baby. After my daughter was here for a few weeks, everything just became normal and I didn't even think about it anymore because I didn't need to.
Now that I'm pregnant again, I'm going to do the same thing with my daughter. I'm going to consciously check to make sure that I don't start treating my daughter when her baby brother arrives, just to make sure that I don't change how I treat her.
For SD, because she was 10, she helped to change diapers and fed DD and things like that. We included her in a lot of that stuff. When SD comes over she spends most of her time playing with DD. She's 13 now and DD is 3. She just loves her little sister, and DD constantly asks for SD even though SD only comes about twice a month anymore.
shiarhars
by Silver Member on Dec. 7, 2017 at 12:12 AM
When we found out we were pregnant sd was 6. We sat her down and first ask her how she felt about having a brother pr sister. She was actually excited about the idea so we went ahead and told her she was going to be a big sister.

Quoting DesertVenus: I'm very excited to be starting a family with my husband. I also know my SD will probably be excited. She has mentioned/requested/told us "I want a baby brother at my mom's house and a baby sister at my dad's house."
We're waiting until the 2nd trimester to tell her. We find out the gender xmas morning and we will tell her about the pregnancy a few days before.
Also we just found out her mom is in fact pregnant. She will deliver about 3 months ahead of me. I have a feeling this will be overwhelming for my SD. I plan on trying to get some kids books about new siblings.
I have read up on the best way to do this so I have a game plan in my head. But I'd love to hear any of your stories if you have them!
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Dec. 9, 2017 at 9:17 PM
SS has always talked about having siblings so he was happy about my children. We were pretty matter a fact about the pregnancies, no big deal.
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