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SD wants to drop out

Posted by on Dec. 7, 2017 at 9:32 AM
  • 10 Replies
My SD has had major issues ever since she moved in with us 4 years ago. She's a bully at school, but when kids bully her back, she can't handle it. We've been in behavioral hospitals twice, therapy for her depression and self harm. She turns 18 in a few days and wants to drop out when she's supposed to graduate in May. Her grades are terrible, so I'm not sure if she'd even pass. We're going to try and get her in the online school program thru her school. I'm just so aggrivated with the whole situation bc she plays innocent when shes clearly not. Beating up another bully girl over the summer. Running with the wrong kids when we try to explain why it's wrong and what it will do to her future. We can't lock her up in her room bc she will hurt herself. It's such a double edged sword. Shes lazy and doesnt want to help out at home but expects us to cater to her which is not happening. I'm kind of just venting. I don't even know what to do anymore. If I tell her dad I want her out, we fight. I don't want this girl to ruin our marriage. Ugh. Just over it.
by on Dec. 7, 2017 at 9:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Kirby1031
by New Member on Dec. 7, 2017 at 12:00 PM

I would tell her that if she continues with school, you and your husband will do your best to support her. If she chooses to drop out, tell her she needs to find a job and a new living arrangement by two weeks after her school's graduation date. 

BrownEyedGirl86
by Bronze Member on Dec. 7, 2017 at 12:25 PM

I would in no way support her dropping out, and I would let my opinion be known.


How long have you been in you SD's life?

amurb
by on Dec. 7, 2017 at 3:39 PM
I am so sorry this is happening. It is important for you two to agree, try coming up with a solution that works best for you both, maybe include her in the decision. Good luck

Quoting Hamptonwife19: My SD has had major issues ever since she moved in with us 4 years ago. She's a bully at school, but when kids bully her back, she can't handle it. We've been in behavioral hospitals twice, therapy for her depression and self harm. She turns 18 in a few days and wants to drop out when she's supposed to graduate in May. Her grades are terrible, so I'm not sure if she'd even pass. We're going to try and get her in the online school program thru her school. I'm just so aggrivated with the whole situation bc she plays innocent when shes clearly not. Beating up another bully girl over the summer. Running with the wrong kids when we try to explain why it's wrong and what it will do to her future. We can't lock her up in her room bc she will hurt herself. It's such a double edged sword. Shes lazy and doesnt want to help out at home but expects us to cater to her which is not happening. I'm kind of just venting. I don't even know what to do anymore. If I tell her dad I want her out, we fight. I don't want this girl to ruin our marriage. Ugh. Just over it.
Oliviasmom72
by Bronze Member on Dec. 7, 2017 at 3:54 PM

Encourage her to get counselling and stay in school. Start looking at her grades weekly. I would let her know she cannot stay there if she drops out. good luck with the grown up world. She will have to support herself, get a job, hopefully not wind up pregnant.

Or she can stay with you and hopefully graduate and succeed and enjoy her life.  

tiafez
by Platinum Member on Dec. 8, 2017 at 12:58 PM

I'd look into a meeting with the school, your SD, her parents and you. Discuss her options, find out what it will take for her to pass. Then soon after, a meeting at home with her parents, SD, and you with a list of requirements if not in school. Work, pay rent, etc. 

kenyasmom01
by Member on Dec. 8, 2017 at 3:48 PM

I would just tolerate her. Be nice to her, be pleasant, try to minimize the drama for yourself. If she graduates or doesn't graduate, it's not your problem. Eventually she will move out of the house. In any case, don't make it your problem. You can't fix this -- you will just be spinning your wheels and setting yourself up for frustration if you try.

DDDaysh
by Bronze Member on Dec. 8, 2017 at 7:02 PM
It sounds like she has some major emotional issues. Have you looked into the possibility of SSI for her once she turns 18?

It sounds like she will need a credit recovery program of some type in order to graduate. I hope she is able to do that.

As far as kicking her out goes, if Dad is not on board, drop that idea. Nothing will hurt your marriage worse than attempting to make his child homeless if he still wants to provide a home.

If finances are an issue,separate your money so that he pays for her expenses out of his paycheck, and you don't pay them out of yours. Then split up the bills and savings and you keep the rest of your check to do whatever you want while he takes care of his daughter.

If house work and chores are an issue, make him do everything she is supposed to do but doesn't. Then he'll sorbet get her to do them or do them himself. Either way, you aren't having to pick up the slack.
jad1027
by Member on Dec. 8, 2017 at 11:29 PM

I am not going to try and give advise....Just know I feel your frustation and anger.  I am in a very similar boat with my 19 year old SD...(In her 6th year of high school and not going to school again).  Her days are numbered in my house....Just try and step back and please don't let her effect your marriage....My Moms advise to me has been she won't be here forever, but your husband is your forever love...Best of Luck to you...

pusheen-kitty
by Battler on Dec. 9, 2017 at 3:07 AM
Six years of high school? in my state that is only granted of the kid has an extenuating circumstance (pregnancy etc) otherwise they are encourage to take the GED .. That's crazy.

Quoting jad1027:

I am not going to try and give advise....Just know I feel your frustation and anger.  I am in a very similar boat with my 19 year old SD...(In her 6th year of high school and not going to school again).  Her days are numbered in my house....Just try and step back and please don't let her effect your marriage....My Moms advise to me has been she won't be here forever, but your husband is your forever love...Best of Luck to you...

Hamptonwife19
by New Member on Dec. 11, 2017 at 2:09 PM
I've been in her life for almost 4 years.
I shared your comments with my husband and he appreciates all of you, so thank you for your support.
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