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YOURS MINE AND OURS...

Posted by on Dec. 11, 2017 at 9:12 PM
  • 41 Replies


Hi Ladies,

Does a blended family ever get past the "Yours, Mine and Ours"....

My husband and my family get along very well.

Me on the other hand, tolerate most of his family.

Any thoughts?


by on Dec. 11, 2017 at 9:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Dec. 11, 2017 at 10:23 PM
2 moms liked this

Sometimes yes-sometimes no.

Every family is different.

codysara
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2017 at 7:15 AM
What family do you mean? Adult in laws or his kids?
What kind of issues are you having?
tiafez
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2017 at 8:09 AM
1 mom liked this

my way of handling those I may not care for? I look for the humor. And I ask them about them. That way they enjoy talking and I can just listen. 

Calamity4e
by Member on Dec. 12, 2017 at 9:21 AM

I get along with my in-laws way much better than most of my family. DH's family is great! I have one uncle that we love to have come visit with us at least once a year. That is pretty much it.

My side use to give SD 21 and SS 19 gifts for b-days and Christmas, but that has faded over the years . . . I think because they now view them more as adults. They do still send gift to DDs 11 and 9. DH's side gives gifts to all the kids, but I think their gifts to SD and SS will start to fade a bit in the coming years because they are becoming adults. SD graduates college this year. I recall a lot of my the gifts I used to receive began to lessen once I was in college and then ceased. The focus tends to be on kids unless you are exceptionally close or have lots of dough to spread around.

jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2017 at 10:33 AM
1 mom liked this

Since you didn't give much detail, it sounds like the the problem, the hold up in this blending you're looking for, is you.  What is holding you back?  Do YOU see yourself getting past the 'yours, mine, and ours'?  What would it take to get you past that?  

How long have you been together, blending families?  Are you the only blended family in your family?  in DHs family?  

jad1027
by Member on Dec. 12, 2017 at 1:48 PM

I would agree that I am the problem, after years and years of trying, I have had enough....Issues with his sister and daughters and let me DONE! 

jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2017 at 4:00 PM
1 mom liked this

Well, in that case, I'd say your particular blended family doesn't get past the 'yours, mine, and ours'.  You have the power to change that, or not, however.  

You can't change his sister, or his daughters, but you can choose to change your expectations, your reactions, and/or your attitude towards them.  You can only control/change you, not others.  However, if you don't want to make the change then it appears things will remain the same.  Can you continue to tolerate the family?  Though, tbh, tolerate doesn't sound like you're 'done'.  If you're done, tolerate won't suffice.  

Quoting jad1027:

I would agree that I am the problem, after years and years of trying, I have had enough....Issues with his sister and daughters and let me DONE! 


leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Dec. 12, 2017 at 5:19 PM

It depends on the family. It takes some time but I suspect with time once the marriage prevails, the families with come together around the couple. You didn't give much information but even without children, with an older couple, there is usually some amount of yours, mine and ours.

Seychelles1409
by Gold Member on Dec. 12, 2017 at 10:43 PM
You have just described my situation!
mischele
by Bronze Member on Dec. 13, 2017 at 8:54 AM
I’m over the trying to blend. My family loves dh and ss and has for over 12 yrs. my fil passed away over the summer and he didn’t like me. I encouraged dh to reconnect with his mother. I had no clue who most of the family was at fil memorial. Dh never introduced me to any of them. We were celebrating 12 yrs together 2 days later. Dh behind my back sent $60 for ss to get 1 pair of shoes. 3 of our kids needed shoes and 2 needed hair cuts. Dh told me no we didn’t have the money. I’m over the BS. We are divorcing after Christmas.
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