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Christmas Card Sent to SS & Wife Causes Major Blow-Up

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2017 at 12:23 AM
  • 139 Replies
I responded to a Shutterfly offer for 10 free photo Christmas cards on two separate occasions; l chose different photos of me and DH on a recent cruise and a couple of our granddaughter (my DS's child). On the other card l also included a photo of my elderly mother.
SS's wife sent my DH an extremely rude, ugly text. The problem stemmed from the fact that there was not a photo on our card of their child as well. We only see DH's grandson 2-3 times a year due to the tense, uncomfortable relationship we both have with SS and his wife. They do not invite us over to spend time with the child and DH has not made time to see the boy. I have not pushed him to do so either as l am disconnecting myself from the situation.
SS's wife sent a truly ugly text stating she wanted to be removed from our Christmas card list; DH was treating his grandson badly, and on and on. She said she and SS didn't care, but she was a mama bear and would not stand for this treatment of her child! She said she didn't know if DH was aware of all that went on (no clue what she means) and on and on her rant went.
How do l respond or do l? DH responded, but it hasn't really helped. I called and left a voicemail but she did not return my call. Should l try again? Skip Christmas with the inlaws? Do l even owe an apology? She and SS have treated DH and I very badly over the years. I gave no use for them personally, but am always polite and very nice to their child and generous with gifts.
by on Dec. 18, 2017 at 12:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
anonomomma
by Member on Dec. 18, 2017 at 12:32 AM
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I am confused as why you would put a picture of your grandchild on your Christmas cards to begin with, and then send one to your husbands child who he has a grandchild from and not expect it to feel like a slap in the face to their family.
sheramom4
by Silver Member on Dec. 18, 2017 at 12:39 AM
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It comes across as a direct snub to them and I can see why. Your grandchild is not your husband's grandchild yet she is included on your family Christmas card while their child, who is your husband's grandchild, is left off. There was no need to put one of the grandchildren on the card and then to send that to SS. Basically a "Haha, See who your dad considers a grandchild?" 

Plus you said your husband makes no time for his grandchild but he seems to have a close relationship with yours. That has to be hurtful to SS. 

Seychelles1409
by Gold Member on Dec. 18, 2017 at 1:19 AM
I get all that and you are correct. DH is close to our granddaughter; he does consider her to be his granddaughter just as he considers my son to be his son. My son even followed him in the same career. He raised him and not SS so it is a complicated situation. Now what do l do?

Quoting sheramom4:

It comes across as a direct snub to them and I can see why. Your grandchild is not your husband's grandchild yet she is included on your family Christmas card while their child, who is your husband's grandchild, is left off. There was no need to put one of the grandchildren on the card and then to send that to SS. Basically a "Haha, See who your dad considers a grandchild?" 

Plus you said your husband makes no time for his grandchild but he seems to have a close relationship with yours. That has to be hurtful to SS. 

Seychelles1409
by Gold Member on Dec. 18, 2017 at 1:21 AM
But my question is what do DH and l do now?

Quoting anonomomma: I am confused as why you would put a picture of your grandchild on your Christmas cards to begin with, and then send one to your husbands child who he has a grandchild from and not expect it to feel like a slap in the face to their family.
sheramom4
by Silver Member on Dec. 18, 2017 at 1:34 AM
9 moms liked this


Quoting Seychelles1409: I get all that and you are correct. DH is close to our granddaughter; he does consider her to be his granddaughter just as he considers my son to be his son. My son even followed him in the same career. He raised him and not SS so it is a complicated situation. Now what do l do?
Quoting sheramom4:

It comes across as a direct snub to them and I can see why. Your grandchild is not your husband's grandchild yet she is included on your family Christmas card while their child, who is your husband's grandchild, is left off. There was no need to put one of the grandchildren on the card and then to send that to SS. Basically a "Haha, See who your dad considers a grandchild?" 

Plus you said your husband makes no time for his grandchild but he seems to have a close relationship with yours. That has to be hurtful to SS. 

You apologize for being insensitive and your husband makes time for his grandchild. You consider others when sending out Christmas cards in future years. Your husband makes a point not to play favorites in terms of children or grandchildren. 

You spend a lot of time in your post complaining about what SS has done to you but does your husband take any responsibility for what he did to his son or how he made his son feel growing up? He obviously favors your child. He has a chance to fix it and he needs to take that chance. 


Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Dec. 18, 2017 at 7:42 AM
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Quoting sheramom4:


Quoting Seychelles1409: I get all that and you are correct. DH is close to our granddaughter; he does consider her to be his granddaughter just as he considers my son to be his son. My son even followed him in the same career. He raised him and not SS so it is a complicated situation. Now what do l do?
Quoting sheramom4:

It comes across as a direct snub to them and I can see why. Your grandchild is not your husband's grandchild yet she is included on your family Christmas card while their child, who is your husband's grandchild, is left off. There was no need to put one of the grandchildren on the card and then to send that to SS. Basically a "Haha, See who your dad considers a grandchild?" 

Plus you said your husband makes no time for his grandchild but he seems to have a close relationship with yours. That has to be hurtful to SS. 

You apologize for being insensitive and your husband makes time for his grandchild. You consider others when sending out Christmas cards in future years. Your husband makes a point not to play favorites in terms of children or grandchildren. 

You spend a lot of time in your post complaining about what SS has done to you but does your husband take any responsibility for what he did to his son or how he made his son feel growing up? He obviously favors your child. He has a chance to fix it and he needs to take that chance. 


That is true to include ALL however it's hard to do when neither dad or SS make the efforts to meet up/spend time together. Perhaps Dad should have asked for a recent picture so their LO could be included.



anonomomma
by Member on Dec. 18, 2017 at 8:40 AM
1 mom liked this
You apologize.

Quoting Seychelles1409: But my question is what do DH and l do now?

Quoting anonomomma: I am confused as why you would put a picture of your grandchild on your Christmas cards to begin with, and then send one to your husbands child who he has a grandchild from and not expect it to feel like a slap in the face to their family.
tiafez
by Platinum Member on Dec. 18, 2017 at 10:41 AM
3 moms liked this

I would call and apologize. I would say "I am very sorry I made you feel less important. You child is equally important and when I chose the photos I wasn't thinking in terms of you feeling left out. I hope you accept my apology. I am deeply and truely sorry"


and then you let it go. I fully understand how she felt, imagine not seeing your child on a grandparent's card even though the other grandchild was on it. 

Next year, either put them both or go with a simple nonphoto card

Christy1919
by New Member on Dec. 18, 2017 at 10:44 AM
3 moms liked this
You knew what you were doing, don't act like you just happen to leave of his other grandchild and then happen to send this out to those that may take it personally.
anonomomma
by Member on Dec. 18, 2017 at 11:09 AM
Food for thought. You left this comment on another post regarding step grandparents:

"by Seychelles1409
Gold Member
November 24 at 12:30 AM
How sad for your mother that her efforts were not appreciated by your husband on behalf of his daughter and by the bio-grandmother. You should tell both of them that a child can never have too many loving grandmothers and that petty jealousy should be beneath them because it is DS that has had to suffer as a result. I am a step-grandmother and I would happily do much more for SS's son if DH and I were given the chance to be a part of the child's life, but that is not how things are unfortunately. Your DH was lucky your mother wanted to be a part of his child's life."


Sending them a Christmas card that leaves out one grandchild is counterproductive to wanting to be part of that child's life.
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