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No Winter Boots--neglect? reportable?

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My granddaughter (11 years old) is visiting for the holidays from South Dakota--her Dad and stepmom sent her up with a pair of cowboy boots.  Nothing else.   It's was -22 in MN yesterday and not expected to get above zero in the next few days.   I texted her Dad if she *forgot* her winter boots and I believe it is the sm that answered "she has a pair that fits but they have a hole in the bottom--honestly, she is very hard on boots".

I'm sure they just bought her a cheap pair--there are 4 kids in the household and he pays support on another one.  There are always 'issues' within the household---cps has been involved in the past and they are currently living in a 'friends basement' because they had "toxic mold" in their trailer.   

I went and bought her a pair of warm boots and a spare pair of sneakers.

Should I contact their social worker on this?   I am on good terms with him, as I had visitations set up through him when the kids were removed last year due to abuse on a younger child.  If she hadn't come up, we wouldn't have known about the issue and she would be freezing for the rest of the winter!

Edited to add:  my attorney always says "poverty is not a barrier to custody" but I feel it is neglect!!  

by on Dec. 28, 2017 at 12:00 PM
Replies (21-30):
minimoo
by Platinum Member on Dec. 29, 2017 at 2:50 PM
I teach reading and writing to kindergarteners. I'm starting to get really good at diciphering stuff lol

Quoting anonomomma: I am glad you were able to syphon through that autocorrect and prediction text mess.

Quoting minimoo: I do have to agree with this. It sounds like her daughter was using while pregnant or at the very least with an infant and 5 year old. It does make sense that the oldest would go to her dad over grandma. For the next 4 years, her daughter was still using and is relatively recently sober. Picture money and sports are definitely not a reason to remove her from her home, her family, or her life. I'm not sure what came from the abuse and neglect allegations that caused the removal from their home, but they have been returned rather quickly.

It sounds like this family is struggling financially, but do what they can to make it work. Living with a friend isn't "homeless". There is a LOT of judgment towards her granddaughter's family, yet it's ok for her own daughter to choose drugs over her kids for 4 years and still 2 years after that and 3 children, and is still not ready to be a parent to the children she basically abandoned for over half their life/ their entire life? I would do less judgment on dad and sm, and more reflection on what I did wrong with my own kid so that I don't repeat it with the one grandchild that I am entrusted with. If you want her to have pictures or be involved in sports, feel free to help out like any other gp does.


Quoting anonomomma: Not having picture money or being able to afford sports is an reason to remove kids from their parents. You sound entitled. I am sorry they had a rough time in the past, but you do sound like you are trying to find reasons to bitch. I am sure you love your granddaughter by she belongs to her parents unless they really f up. That he is the parent parent than your daughter speaks volumes. You need to focus on your side of the fence.

Quoting WrongWayDiva:

Sorry, it's complicated.  This is my daughter's oldest child--she lost custody of her 6 years ago, due to addiction issues.  I am raising her 6 year old daughter.   

The father won custody of the older one over me and was doing well for awhile (past addiction issues).  He has since fathered a son with another woman, married another woman (who had a child of her own) and they have a set of twins together.

All the children were removed last year, due to neglect and abuse allegations on the wife's child (not related to me).  They were placed with a family friend who got licensed to do foster care.  I had regular visits but CPS would not allow me to take custody of my grandchild--I would have had to take all 4, which is not in the best interests of the children and I just cannot do it.   

My daughter is 2 years sober, but had another child (yes, that's 3 kids, 3 different fathers) this summer that she is raising.   She sees her other children but is not ready to parent full time.

I hate that my GD is the *kid without....*  no winter boots, no picture money, no sports, etc etc etc.   I help out when I can, but rarely get the whole story.   I think she is better off with me, where she is well taken care of, rather than being raised by a welfare king/queen who are mooching off friends and neglecting their kids.  No home, no car, she isn't working, he is roofing for cash sometimes.   So trashy...   

Quoting happinessforyou:

Is this your son's child? Who neglected the kids in the past? I guess I'm a little lost. Would you take all the kids or just this one?

DDDaysh
by Bronze Member on Dec. 29, 2017 at 4:07 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't know where they live, but in general, no, not having winter boots is not neglect. Maybe, so far this winter, she's been doing just fine in cowboy boots.

I am from Texas. We came to visit new York. My son wore sneakers the whole time and was fine.

If, at home, she is dressed so inappropriately for the weather that it is a danger to her health, then I am sure the school would report it.

As for the rest, there's nothing wrong with living in a basement and nothing wrong with being poor. Poverty is NOT a reason to take children away. They can grow up just fine without picture money or paying sports. But if you want your granddaughter to have those things, you could always pay for them yourself.
Ms_Smock
by Member on Dec. 29, 2017 at 4:13 PM
Just file as an intervenor on their custody case. Skip CPS all together.
fantasticfour
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2017 at 1:59 AM
1 mom liked this

I understand the frustration.  One of your grandchildren have all the things that you can provide while the other one lacks for what you consider the basic needs.  To be honest, each person has the right to parent their own children on the grounds that they do not harm them.  Cowboy boots are not neglect.  I understand your desire to take this child from her father though.  She's not living the lifestyle you agree with.  It's not your decision though.  The more you contact CPS over BS things, the less likely they are to investigate real problems.

WickedPissah
by 2Sexy4MyStoma on Dec. 30, 2017 at 1:27 PM

You can contact the case worker to let he/she know that the child didn't have any winter boots. But they aren't going to remove the child from their care.

sports and picture money is not a necessity.

Katie6586
by Member on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:22 AM

Instead of calling CPS/social worker maybe just offer it to her Dad and his wife. "I know you're having a hard time and I would love to have her come live with me, is that something you'd consider?" If you truly feel that she is not in a healthy home, you can always file for custody again but you'd need solid evidence to prove your case.

Quoting WrongWayDiva:

Realistically, that her Dad and sm get their poop in a group and actually provide for their kids.......

Alternatively, I could take temp custody for a few months until they are back on their feet.   

Quoting pdxmum: What outcome are you hoping for?


judykay3232
by Member on Jan. 9, 2018 at 1:14 PM

OMG they have enough probems..they are living in a basement CPS is involved and you want to slam your son again for not having money to buy her boots,, Buy the damn boots and shoes and let it go. Seems like you are chomping at the bit to roll your own child.   Here is a real  idea..call you son and ask how you can help him get back on his feet!!!!  wow whata  concept huh? Instead of hurting him more and causing more trouble over  a pair of damn boots HELP YOUR SON GET ON HIS FEET or leave him alone. Seems you have a need for CPs friendship??

WrongWayDiva
by Member on Jan. 9, 2018 at 2:38 PM

Not MY son.   Daughter's ex and father of my GD.   Done helping....they burnt that bridge long ago.

It seems they 'came up with the money to buy her proper boots' once I stuck my nose in.    We'll see.....

Quoting judykay3232:

OMG they have enough probems..they are living in a basement CPS is involved and you want to slam your son again for not having money to buy her boots,, Buy the damn boots and shoes and let it go. Seems like you are chomping at the bit to roll your own child.   Here is a real  idea..call you son and ask how you can help him get back on his feet!!!!  wow whata  concept huh? Instead of hurting him more and causing more trouble over  a pair of damn boots HELP YOUR SON GET ON HIS FEET or leave him alone. Seems you have a need for CPs friendship??


WickedPissah
by 2Sexy4MyStoma on Jan. 9, 2018 at 3:31 PM
Ha more of their win then yours.

Quoting WrongWayDiva:

Not MY son.   Daughter's ex and father of my GD.   Done helping....they burnt that bridge long ago.

It seems they 'came up with the money to buy her proper boots' once I stuck my nose in.    We'll see.....

Quoting judykay3232:

OMG they have enough probems..they are living in a basement CPS is involved and you want to slam your son again for not having money to buy her boots,, Buy the damn boots and shoes and let it go. Seems like you are chomping at the bit to roll your own child.   Here is a real  idea..call you son and ask how you can help him get back on his feet!!!!  wow whata  concept huh? Instead of hurting him more and causing more trouble over  a pair of damn boots HELP YOUR SON GET ON HIS FEET or leave him alone. Seems you have a need for CPs friendship??

scorpiodragon
by New Member on Jan. 10, 2018 at 1:55 PM
It isn’t neglect and poverty is not a reason to seek custody. If that were the case, thousands of children in poverty would be tossed in an overcrowded foster system. Not everyone wears boots or even proper winter clothing in my state. I would but rather child what she needs but really the parents need to step up and parent their child/children. A judge may not see anything wrong but if they do, I do not think they will separate the children. Just do what you can for her.
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